What is "value"? For an important concept, I feel a lot of people gloss over it. Aspiring social masters want to slice through obstacles effortlessly in pursuit of their goal: destroy that AMOG, shatter that bitch shield, distract the cockblockers, eliminate LMR, close close close close close. To them, Game is a contest between self and others to come out on top, and there can only be one winner.

Here. This is value. Read it, I'll wait. Done? Okay. Value--specifically, giving it--is the fundamental truth to the idea of Game as a constructive and creative pursuit, not a selfish and destructive one. Everyone knows That Guy. That Guy is always a pleasure to be around. He lives his life genuinely, dynamically, and on his own terms. He doesn't put people down, because he sees no reason to. People just feel better when That Guy is present. That Guy is the Avatar of Value. He is Moses, Jesus, Muhammad and the Buddha for the acolytes of constructive game.

Here's a short example of conversational value from last night. It's not a revelation or the key to all mythologies. It's just a quiet tribute to the value of Value, and a demonstration of how you can make Value a part of your everyday life so that it becomes natural in the field.

THE FR

I live in a small town, and unless I'm hanging out with another foreign friend, I'm the only foreign dude in the room. I went to my usual izakaya last night for a couple drinks and some yakitori. When I showed up, there were three other patrons: a mid-thirties dude missing one leg in a wheelchair, a fashionable 20something man, and his cute 20something girlfriend. Wheelchair was quite drunk, and greeted me with a surprised hello. I ordered my food and clinked glasses with him. He kept touching my beard and arm hair (drunk Japanese dudes are often quite enamored with it), and I politely but firmly moved his hands away until he stopped. I answered basic questions while enjoying my late meal.

Wheelchair boisterously invited the young couple over to the bar with us. The girl asked me where I was from, and I gave them a basic introduction in English and Japanese. I ate, drank, and enjoyed the moment quietly. Sometimes I chimed into the conversation, or chatted with the bartenders. When I finished my food, I got out my personal bottle of shochu from behind the bar, and offered everyone a glass. Young Man took me up on it, and we all toasted.

We guessed each others' ages. Young Man complimented me on being handsome, and everyone agreed I was the most いけめん (ikemen, fashionable/cool) guy. I thanked them politely and disagreed. I said that they only think that because I'm foreign, but if Young Man went to a part of the USA that didn't have many Asian people, folks there would probably think he's fashionable and cool as well. They asked me who I thought was the coolest out of them, and I said it's hard to say because they have different looks: Wheelchair has the mature grizzled look, Young Man is hip and modern, Bartender 1 has a cool hairstyle, etc. They pressed me more, and so I told them I was #1 through #6 most fashionable person in the bar and there was no space for them on the list. We laughed. We had more shochu. We talked about the state of foreign language education in Japan, and foreign languages in general. I asked the bartenders to listen to a song I had just recorded on my phone and give me their critiques.

I had work the next day, so I paid my bill. The young couple was happy to meet me, and wanted to get in touch the next time they came to this bar. I had a bartender give them my email, and said good night.

So, how did I give Value?

  • As a foreign person, I indulged their curiosity.
  • I talked to and listened to everyone, giving them the Value of my attention.
  • I didn't put anyone down, like yelling at Wheelchair for being drunk and/or invading my personal space.
  • I didn't shove in and demand to be the center of attention.
  • I shared my shochu.
  • I complimented everyone on their looks, and didn't build myself up as better than everyone despite their compliments.
  • I had an interesting conversation about an issue that we all cared about (language education).
  • I said that I enjoyed their company, and would love to see them all the next time they come here.

The end result? A lovely evening and some new friends. Young Man and Girlfriend were both very attractive, so they probably have attractive friends for me to meet, but that's beside the point. A selfish, destructive gamer might see nothing to be gained from that effectively lady-less experience last night. But Game isn't about going from 0 to sex as quickly as possible. It's about cultivating yourself into a person who loves the company of others, and whose company others love. It's praying on the altar of That Guy. And there's a chance for you to be like That Guy in every situation. The more you try to be like That Guy on a daily basis, the better you are at being That Guy in bars and clubs. Eventually, you might actually BE That Guy.

There's a misconception that giving Value is the behavior of a supplicating beta or nice guy. Betas give things away and try to make people like them, while Alphas take what they want and don't give a shit. But that's just not true. Only a weak person with low confidence would view social interactions as adversarial, and feel like the only way to bring themselves higher is to push others down. Giving Value is supremely Alpha: you KNOW you're awesome, and you become even more awesome by helping everyone around you up to your level of awesome. You cannot give what you do not have; thus, the ability to give Value implies that you have tons of spare Value to give. To give Value is to build up those around you, to strengthen everyone's positive emotions, to strengthen personal connections, and to be your best self.

What Would That Guy Do?

I hope you got something from this (overly long) report. Peace!