I'm just now recovering from my fourth heavy duty weekend in a row. Let's begin at the beginning.

FRIDAY

I've been with a #1 girl for several months now. We get along well and have fun together, but we don't have a particularly deep connection--just lots of comfort and familiarity. We've been trying to mix it up recently, so we went to a resort town and spent the night in a ryokan room complete with its own private onsen. We had a nice dinner with drinks and some fun in the baths before turning in.

SATURDAY

We got up late in the morning and wandered around town sampling various foods and looking at kitschy gifts we had no intention of buying. Highlight: bread, cheese, jam and wine in the park. An affordable, delicious, instant picnic, and a great mini-date idea for the future. We got bored of Looking At Shit so we napped in her car for a couple hours. I had a date and a birthday party in the city that evening, so we went there an hour early and bought me a new shirt. Letting a girl pick out clothes for you to try on is a great way to make shopping productive and enjoyable for the both of you, instead of a chore that men reluctantly suffer.

We parted, and I went to go meet the girl from this report. I tried to get her to sing a song with me in public, but she was too shy, so I dropped it. Our Mexican restaurant was closed, but I knew a Mexican-themed bar nearby that served pretty good food. Be flexible and have a back-up plan; this is where knowing your area and living a generally adventurous lifestyle helps greatly. The birthday party was going to be a large affair for one of the bartenders at my usual joint, so I didn't really have a time constraint, and I thought we were going to have some food and drinks and see where the night took us, but I hadn't communicated properly. She thought I had an early deadline, so she had already made karaoke plans with a friend back in her town, and since she'd driven here, she couldn't drink. Okay.

The food was great, and the conversation was wonderful. She seemed a bit restrained at first, but we really opened up to each other. I made sure to keep consistently kino-ing, but in the relaxed atmosphere I didn't feel the pressure to escalate beyond her shoulders, arms, upper thigh and small of her back. We had one of those conversations that goes everywhere, and learned a lot about each other and our values. I told her it was a shame that she had to go so soon, and she said her friend would be fine if she was late for karaoke. She also hinted that I could go to karaoke with them, and I said her friend could come down here so we could all go to karaoke in the city together and stop by the birthday party as well, which she considered. We paid our bill.

I still wanted to play some songs and sing together, so she took us down to the waterfront where there were few people. We have similar tastes in music, so we sang some songs and had more excellent conversation. This probably would have been a good time to go for a kiss, but we were sitting a bit far apart due to the positioning of my guitar, and none of our conversational moments seemed to naturally fit with kissing. I've escalated pretty quickly in my time, so why didn't I kiss her? 1) Although slightly older, she is much less experienced than I had previously thought. 2) I didn't create a proper moment, which I should have done. 3) I really, really liked talking to her, and was in no hurry to end the conversation. Game works in general, but you have to remember that girls are not all the same. Pay attention to the human being you're spending time with, and calibrate your game to suit her.

Over the course of our time at the waterfront I got the conversation in more playful and sexual territory. It was getting late, and I kept complaining that she was too smooth, and that I wasn't supposed to be out this long. I should have kissed her there on the bench, or on the way back to her car. I didn't. She took me back to my usual bar. Before I got out of the car, I kissed her on the cheek, told her I had a really great time, and that I wanted to see her again. She said the same. I wish I was bolder, or that I had just said "fuck it" to the birthday party and gone back to karaoke in her town, but I also know that I can afford to take my time with her. I'll be busy for the next few weekends, but I know I'll have some time to see her on a weekday despite the distance between our towns, and I'm willing to put in the effort: she's a wonderful girl.

I rolled into the bar and the birthday girl/cute bartender from last weekend was predictably absent, so several of us went to darts bar. It was fun drinking and catching up with people, and I made friends with some Japanese customers as well. Always be willing to make new friends. People want to know you, if you give them a chance. We headed back to the usual bar where the birthday party was in full swing. The ratio was predictably awful: perhaps 2:1 guys to girls, and as many as over half of the girls were some form of taken. The music was loud, and talking was a chore. I fell into my usual mindless chain-smoking, social butterfly routine, bouncing from friend to friend. I became another piece of driftwood riding the current of the night, unaware of my own ability to choose my fate and my mental attitude. I didn't make opportunities; I simply went with the flow.

At some point I ran into Irregular FWB. IFWB is an ex of a friend of mine (I talked it over with him first and he was way cool with it. Remember the bro code!), and very inexperienced. I've only hooked up with her a few times since our first night together near the beginning of the year. Whenever a significant amount of time passes between our hookups, she assumes I'm not interested anymore but not considerate enough to say it straight out. Ironically, the reason I've slowly lost interest (other than my successes with other girls) is that her various neuroses and relative inexperience make me feel like I'm a sexual therapist for an adult who approaches relationships on a high-school level. Also, she has a really annoying voice, and isn't as fun as other girls I've been with in the interim.

Still, I needed a place to stay, and wanted to reassure her of my interest out of some misguided sense of honor, or perhaps because I'm too chickenshit to just end it when I know time will end it for me in a few months, during which I will probably only hook up with her one more time. I slipped back into unconscious chode mode instead of taking control of my night, and went home with IFWB a couple hours later. We had some morning fun and some coffee, then parted ways.

END

WHAT I LEARNED

1) I've been good about volume of experiences; now I need to focus on variety and quality. I need to branch out from my usual haunts and start expanding my circles, meeting new people, and having fun on my own terms. I didn't particularly enjoy the birthday party. Why did I stay? I was under no obligation to stick around; I could have gone bar-hopping all around the area to see what I've been missing. I could have just gone back with Date Girl instead, and seen where things went at karaoke in her town. I could have made a point of talking to everyone in the bar, instead of just talking to my friends and the one cute single girl. When you forget the amount of control you have over your own experiences, you leave your happiness at the whim of circumstances and others. Be the master of your own happiness, and do what YOU want.

2) By the same token, I need to be honest with myself about why I game at all. I enjoyed my dinner with #1, my date with Date Girl, and pregaming at the darts bar in a more relaxed environment with my friends much more than I enjoyed floating around at the birthday party or having sex with IFWB. I need to be more imaginative and honest with myself about what I want, and stop compromising just because it's easier.

UP NEXT

I'd like to see where things go with Date Girl, stop wasting my precious time, and start spending it on things that bring me lasting satisfaction. This means increased focus on lifestyle improvements: physical fitness, personal development, meditation, and the elimination of the myriad distractions that suck up my time every day. I'll be in Tokyo next weekend, which should shake shit up and get me out of my routine.

Peace!