First off. I am not talking about toasting between friends.

I am speaking about acquaintances... Even still, kind of less than that. For instance. I saw a high school friend at a bar.. We are chatting.. His gf says i look well and his friend says he looks fat and does this smirk. I ignore it.. Continue talking and he makes another comment. Btw, this guy, we know each others name cus we live in small town but literally thats it. I can count about ten different times or more over the years that I have been insulted like this. I jave just recently realised its all to do with my wieght. Before when i was built men actually complimented me. Even now aprt from the ocassional outright insult i see them like.. Smirking.. Making a face at another person.. Liked raised eyebrows and a smirk or a chuckle.. I think this is because of my weight i got way less confident.

A few times i have just flat out said i will fuck you up. I can fight and people know this and when i do that no one has ever challenged me back. They look at the ground. But im still not happy. I dont want it to happen in the first place. But increasingly i find myself just ignoring it like idc but dwelling on it. Thinking what i shouldve done... Shit thats happened years ago. I think i obsess on the times i feel i was punked verbally.. Yet ignore the times i physically or verbally punk other guys. Its really buggin me