In my younger years, I was fantastic at scaring away targets because I was very pushy about each case: I pushed for a number, which resulted in higher number flake rate; I pushed for escalation early, which scared some away. I couldn't even realize it, but all my behavior crystallized around goals, and the women saw it right away. You need a way of taking the edge off, of NOT needing to close on this girl right now.

Shoot for the hang out. Think of something you can do that you'll just be able to enjoy for its own sake, rather than thinking of it as a staging ground for your next move.

The biggest challenge to this is of course, not losing the edge of the unknown. I saw a wonderfully sweet guy crash and burn on this on a female friend of mine because he just glued himself to his target and ask her questions about what kind of a person she was. He asked her out. Surprised by the moment, she said yes, but later caught herself and turned him down on facebook because she just wasn't attracted to him.

I call this type of failure the "wet dishrag" for what my friend must have felt he was like. The solution is to dare to actually hang out with her without trying to get her anywhere or prove anything.