Part 1 of Death & Recovery

Hello seddit! I recently got out of the most passionate relationship of my entire life and had been incredibly depressed. This is the story of my downfall and uprising. I feel the devastation she caused me really helped me see the light and it's important to understand the intensity of the relationship in order to relate to to how I was feeling. I hope you can learn from it like I did, no girl is worth beating yourself up over.

I met this girl growing up (probably around age 11) due to the fact that I was best friends with her brother, but at the time I hadn't even hit puberty and she's two years younger than me. Regardless, nothing happened, I never saw her since she went to a different school but as we got older, every time I was hanging out with her older brother and we happened to run into each other she'd give me the eyes. At the time I was inexperienced and didn't really pick up on body language that well, plus the fact that her brother was my best friend made me hesitate.

It's sophomore year, my crew is pregaming for this rave we're going to, and we happen to be at her house since her parents were out of town. As we're getting to ready to leave, she walks in (she was out while we were drinking), sees me, and instantly asks her brother what our plans are because she doesn't want to stay home alone. He tells her and she comes out with us, riding in the car with me and her brother. As a youngster I was never bad at game but I was never amazing like some of my friends who are naturals. She sings along to "What's Golden" by Jurassic Five the entire time, and tease her about her singing and sense of directions when she fails with google maps to get us to the venue. Taking her phone, I get us there right away, and she's blushing the whole time.

After parking and waiting in line, we finally get in and she's walking in front of me going down the stairs to the basement where the music was. Suddenly, she holds her hand out without even looking back, and instinctively I grab it right as we reach the last step. Suddenly she spins around and falls right into my arms facing me with her eyes inches away from mine and asks me to dance with her. Glancing over at her brother who witnessed the whole event, he nods and in seconds we're on the dance floor. All those years of self-restraint suddenly blew through the both of us and within minutes we were making out on the dance floor. At the end of the night, her brother came over to us and furiously told us to find our own ride home. We did and had an awesome night together but after all the family drama that followed we both understood it wasn't the right time. I didn't want to lose a friend and she didn't want her brother causing chaos at home.

Skip to Senior year, after graduation. It's summertime and her brother throws a party at his house when their mom is out of town. I'm at the beer pong table with a friend and we're owning winning game after game and the whole party is cheering us on. It was a rager too.
Out of nowhere, right as we're about to start another game, she walks up to the table and stands right next to me. When I turned she looked so beautiful I was caught off guard and was about to begin stuttering and acting beta (it really bugged me that things had been cut off the way they had, I had one-itis hard but we never really talked after that) when my friend comes racing back with the beers yelling "WHAT THE FUCK DIGICOD3R YOU REPLACED ME?!" She responds before I even get the chance "I live here, and I haven't seen digicod3r in forever, let us catch up yeah?" flashing her puppy eyes as she says it. My friend sighs and bounces, we end up winning another couple of rounds and we stop playing after she ends a game by making the last cup with her eyes closed (crazy I know it was a magical night).

We end up seeing each other all summer, having such passionate sex and being so in love until I leave for college. She cries because everything's always stood in the way of us being together, I feel the same way and we're heartbroken. We agree long-distance isn't best for us, and that we should let life match us up again in the future if it's meant to be. It was pretty tragic but I was okay. I left for college feeling confident in myself and ready to explore new horizons. I thought nothing was going to stop me.

Fast forward a year and half. I'm about to start my spring semester of sophomore year, but I'm back in my home town for winter break. I'm at a friends house, and we're all about to take shrooms the night before I leave back to University, and she randomly appears because she had to get something from her brother. We hadn't talked because we missed each other too much and there was nothing we could do about living in the same city. She ended up sneaking into my parents house and spending the night with me. I left back to college in the morning. We didn't talk about the distance, we just had fun while we could.

A month later, she randomly e-mails me her flight info and tells me she's coming up to visit me. When she arrived, we couldn't keep our hands off each other. She stayed with me for a week and by the end she had convinced me to try long-distance and we started dating. She ends up deciding to go to the same university as me, and she begs me to let her move in with me for the summer since she wanted get up for college early. I agreed, I have never been more excited in my life. She visited regularly the rest of the semester and we had amazing times. We couldn't stop talking about our future together.

Fast forward to first week of the summer. I visited home and spent a couple of days with her, and then left to Oregon on my own to visit one of my best friends. We ended up going to Sasquatch Music Festival, and on the first day of music she broke up with me through a text and canceled all our plans. I had just popped two doses of LSD and some mushrooms. It was a rough time losing a person who meant so much to me in that state. Turns out she left me for another guy she'd been seeing the entire time we'd been dating. She decided to spend the summer with him instead.

I hit rock bottom. I went from being the most confident, comfortable person, to a complete mess. I never had trouble talking to girls, now I couldn't even talk to my own friends. My entire life had been a breeze, I'd gotten through school with amazing grades, got a full ride to college, played all-state soccer, and hooked up with plenty of girls. Nothing in my life had ever knocked me down, and then this girl tore me apart with a text message. I went into a deep depression, and living on my own at the time just made things so much worse. I thought our relationship was going to bud into something that lasted a lifetime, and instead I got left for another guy. I didn't understand, everything had been so romantic, she'd always been so passionate about everything and pushed so hard for us to be together. I had so much going for me. I thought she wanted to spend her entire life with me.

At the time I didn't realize it was my own fault that she left. My confidence had become arrogance. I was so used to having her around that I took her for granted. I didn't make things funner when we finally started dating, I became boring, I stopped reaching out for more, I stopped pursuing my passions because I was only focused on her. The sex was amazing and I naively thought everything was fine even though I was becoming such a lame person because making her happy became more important than being myself. She'd come visit, and we'd just stay in. I was content but now that I look back on it, I totally overlooked all the frustrated signs she gave me. I never swept her off her feet anymore, I had her and that was enough for me.

TLDR: My life finally lined up so I could be with the girl of my dreams, but I got used to having her around so I stopped making an effort. She left me for it, and I never felt worse about something in my entire life. I lost the only shot at a lifelong romance I would ever have, and it shot me into the black hole that is beta male.

Part 2: Recovery http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/18t9l8/recovery/