I'm having a serious problem with the above.

As some may relate here, I've prettymuch wasted my youth in te social aspect. Family isn't native to the country we live in, neither of my parents are open types, never really clicked with the culture here. But most of it I blame my self for. I never really cared to hang out much with people, my peers, only here and there. I loved videogames and music, so I spent most of my time with that, and practically only stopped when I finished uni, and that's around the time I found TRP too. I was happy at the time doing it, and I just never really cared about socializing with other people much. Now however (27 almost) I've realized how much I've missed out on in terms of partying, gaming girls, and just generally having fun and experiencing things with others. And it's just tearing me down, I'm spending way too much time/energy lamenting and grieving over that wasted time. Obviously my social skills are lacking, I'd even go as far as saying, I could have mild autism, since I still deal with not understanding social cues.

Anyway, my problem is that, prettymuch eversince, I'm beating myself up over not going out partying and stuff on weekends. And I feel really down, and just cannot enjoy whatever else I'm doing / supposed to be doing. I live in a city where you can prettymuch party/drink from wednesday-saturday night, and a lot of people do so. And every time I'm not doing so, my mind's going like: think about all the time you've already wasted not socializing, think about all the pussy you're missing out on, you'll never be socially successful, shit like that. The only few exceptions this doesn't happen, is when I just need to work. Still though, I just feel so lonely at times like that, that I force myself to go out, like last week I was so sleep-deprived cause of work, that I could barely form sentences, but I forced myself out and had a shitty time, but if I didn't I'd have been beating myself up the night/next day. It's especially trying since I've fallen on some difficult times financially, nothing too serious, but going out socializing is definitely pretty expensive, so I had to cut back for a bit.