Hi Seddit, I wanted to share a story from nearly 3 years ago for education and entertainment, about one of my more memorable interactions with girls. I want to see if I am taking the right lessons away from this.

Due to the passage of time some of the details have been lost, but the major points I am pretty sure on, as at the time I had broken down the situation in detail with a friend.

I had just turned 19 and was going to medical school in a totally new country, a stranger in a strange land, and had a pretty intimate girlfriend back at home who's doing long distance with me. (my relationship status at the time was an open relationship that I did not want to utilize, but my failings in that relationship is not particularly relevant here). I had joined the archery club at the university and in my first session I was grouped with a pretty cute girl, so during the downtime in shooting we got chatting.

Around when the usual "where are you from, what are you studying" convo was wrapping up, I noticed a strong fragrance and without thinking, I remarked "wow, you wear a lot of perfume." She raised her eyebrows slightly but said nothing further.

(in retrospect: this was a textbook neg, straight out of 2002, wasn't it? A backhanded compliment that shows a. you pay attention, and b. you found minor imperfections. If I had actually foresaw this, I would have never uttered those words for fear of offending her.)

Immediately after her round of shooting finished, though, she marched back to me indignantly and said "actually you know what? I AM really offended! I can't believe you would say that!!" I was genuinely confused. "Said what?" "You said that I smell bad!!"

I replied, still more confused than anything, "no, I said that you wear a lot of perfume. The smell was very noticeable--I never said it was bad, just strong!" She calmed down really quickly, but the conversation from this point on was a lot more personal and had that smell of sexual tension to it.

(in retrospect: I never used to believe that a strong negative emotional response could be flipped on its head like this. I guess this is the principle behind negs--it almost feels callously manipulative, and I'd no doubt feel guilty if I pulled that off intentionally. Her strong initial reaction could also have been her way of seeing if I could be intimidated--a shit test? I considered this mostly because no one could have possibly misheard me that badly, but it's unlikely. I think I just made a typical "asshole" comment and she responded in typical fashion.

inner game helps a lot, but in a pinch good outer game will do. No lie, my self-esteem at the time was an all-time low. If I saw myself back then I probably exuded loneliness and dissatisfaction with life. But I apparently said the right thing to get the right reaction, and if I didn't so thoroughly burn it all to the ground about five minutes later this might've turned into more than a random story.)

Eventually the conversation got on to nightlife and such, and I complained that all of my friends were steadily committed or even married, and I'd love to go out more but had no one to go with. That was partially true--more important was that I am shy and awkward and would fit in better at a Friday Night Magic gathering than at a dance club, but I didn't say that obviously. She actually said "seriously? you know, I could go with you-" and gestured at herself a bunch.

(in retrospect: somehow, again unwittingly, I appeared to have disqualified myself and put HER in the position of offering herself up. We were both new to the university, she wants to be liked and make friends as much as I do. She wanted me to win her over.)

But of course, not thinking at all, I went one step too far. **"nah, you don't want me around. I'm a total buzzkill at clubs, absolutely no fun." If I said this teasingly it might have been salvageable, but I was so convincing in my tone that she backed off the subject entirely, and from here on out the convo was inane when it wasnt dying in awkward silence.

(in retrospect: two things. One, be outcome independent, but don't be THAT outcome independent. The goal is still to make something happen! I sabotaged myself out of a twisted sense of loyalty to my ex despite having been given the clear, and I did this more completely than any competing guy or protective friend possibly could have.

Two, self deprecation is for chumps. It's too easy to start believing it, and then it becomes self fulfilling and self reinforcing. Stay positive.)

So there you go. I didn't process this conversation fully till that weekend, when I talked over the "strange conversation with this chick" I had with a considerably more...socially aware friend. He was ready to strangle me.

I guess I learned a lot--before this point, I had thought that seduction was mostly a way for sociopathic men to manipulate vulnerable girls into bed with, and would never work on, or for, anyone intelligent with decent self-esteem. This interaction showed me that it's not necessarily about manipulation so much as breaking through comfort zones (casual convo about studies etc.) to get to a person (actual conversation and attraction)--and it definitely works. It also showed me that if I keep my eyes open, opportunities present themselves much more frequently than I'd think.

I hope this was worth reading. Thanks!