Becoming a better communicator

koochkooch · 2013-05-12T02:41:05+00:00

I think the problem you're experiencing is a struggle to connect with people. Its good to avoid interview-type questions and delve into emotional topics such as the other persons passions, interests and hopes etc. Also, you should set the frame of the conversation by talking about what you're passionate about, what interests you and what your ideal future would look like. By making yourself vulnerable first, you give the other person a chance to relate to you and to open themselves up a little.

Mo_Lester69 · 2013-05-12T03:36:35+00:00

tell me about it dude. exactly how you said. everytime i do try to bring up things that i can delve into, it sounds like an interview. Oh, do you watch game of thrones? No. well you should watch it, its awesome etc etc. okay, i'll take a look at it.

I feel like a lot people, in my experiences, don't even try to have conversations. i hate living in a time where everyone is just constantly on their phones all of the time, either avoiding the world around them or genuinely texting like 50 people. i feel like this may be turning into a cultural problem.....or i just suck

recyclablebantha · 2013-05-12T06:29:56+00:00

Do you guys have any tips or resources for communicating more effectively? So often I feel trapped in my head.

You can get out of your head by focusing on your immediate situation / what's happening right now. Think about the sensations you're feeling in your body right now: If you're sitting down, think about how your ass feels. If you're standing, think about how your feet feel.... then do an inventory of your body's sensations. Then look around the immediate area. What are people doing? What's the atmosphere like? If you're not already talking to someone at the time, find a random person to say hello to. (Much of this is coming from David Wygant......)

There's a world of depth and things I wish I could get across, but conversations just devolve into surface topics. It's frustrating, because it almost feels like every conversation is just an invisible wall of generalities and safe topics. Anybody experience this?

You can start off with conversation by commenting about about the current situation (about the things happening or what you're doing right now, etc.) or asking them how they feel about it. This is where a practiced LISTENING skill is invaluable. If you listen to the answer you get: if you are listening AND she is not dead fish, she'll give you the information you need to carry the conversation further.

If she's a dead fish who gives you a one word answer or similarly worthless answer, don't sweat it. Game isn't about magically making a boring person into an interesting person. (Which is arguably impossible anyway.) If the chemistry isn't there, it's not because of you: this shit is like tango, it takes two.

If she's interesting and not inside of her head, she'll give you plenty of potential threads and tangents with many of her answers. What's more, sometimes the girl will more than hold up her end of the conversation! A few weeks ago, I made a comment about only having 3 ex-GFs but having "dated" more than that...... She asked me what constituted "dating" to me. This one question alone opened up so much conversation that we spent 4 five-to-six-hour texting conversations across 5 days (as in 5-6 hours straight) and 5-hours of our conversation (spread out throughout a 12 hour date) to wrap it up.

TL;DR: If you really listen AND she's not lame..... you can easily spin simple questions (especially questions about emotional matters), into LONG and interesting conversations. But if she's lame and can't or won't hold up her end of the conversation, that's NOT your fault. Be on the look out for the topics that strike HER fancy and really concentrate on examining those in a meaningful way; she'll hint at such topics and you'll catch it if you're LISTENING instead of planning what to say next while she's talking.

duttymong · 2013-05-12T10:59:09+00:00

This guys videos might help you.

http://www.yourcharismacoach.com/episodes/active-listening-learn-to-connect-with-people-fast-episode-24/

Title	Becoming a better communicator
Author	someuname
Upvotes	25
Comments	9
Date	May 11, 2013 11:49 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1e5mgf/becoming_a_better_communicator/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/becoming-a-better-communicator.1352087 https://theredarchive.com/post/1352087

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