Changing your mindset to stop seeking approval

puaSenator · 2013-05-29T19:13:26+00:00

This is actually one of the biggest overlooked issues when it comes to this community. I feel like validation is a hard thing to fully shake off completely. I mean, if I say something and the entire crowd gives me a negative reception, I'm naturally going to receive that negatively and try to correct that mistake.

However, I feel like full outcome independence comes when you rarely get these negative feedbacks, so you have no real serious opportunities to real them into having to validate themselves. It's once you get more advanced do I think you really achieve proper outcome independence.

It's also very contextual. If one day I'm really gaming a woman I know well, and she's digging me, this creates a positive feedback loop. I no longer care if someone receives something I do negatively, since I already am a position I want to be in and everything is going fine.

However, let's pretend that the next day I'm out with her and a different group, but she's flirting with another guy. It's hard to say, "I don't care" -- I want that girl back. So I'll sometimes fight to reestablish myself in the pecking order. If someone gives me a negative reception, I'll sometimes try and correct my mistake.

However, the more you practice these principles of seduction, the less and less this will happen. A lot of people talk about how important outcome independence is, and almost make it sound as easy as flipping a switch. It's not. It's a slow progressive journey until you finally arrive there.

Advice
You asked for advice, so I may as well try and share some of my experienced advice. I find that when I enter an environment I'm unfamiliar with, it's easy for me to get more outcome dependent. "I don't know anyone here, who am I going to talk to if I'm left alone, I want to ensure I make a good first impression, etc..."

The best thing I've found to counter this is to just start chatting up everyone you can right off the bat. Do your best to not have a moment where you aren't talking to someone. By doing so, you are creating a social foundation. For me, personally, when I have this foundation, I'm less concerned with outcomes, because I now know people and don't have to worry about being left there with a drink in my hand not knowing anyone and try to make friends. Now I have plenty of friends.

I've personally gotten over this for the most part, but using that practice really helped.

2) Don't go out to get laid. I typically can't go out with other guys because of this. They'll see a girl that they think is hot and say, "Dude check out that chick over there. She's hot. Let's go talk to her!" That's SO outcome dependent to me, it actually causes frustration with me. See at this level, you should be past the trying to talk to as many women as possible stage. If you're trying to reach outcome independence, you can't do it with the intentions of going out just to find hot girls to give you their numbers. Instead, I choose to go to wherever I want to go (preferably with woman, because I want to keep my options open) and just have fun. I will talk to a lot of women that night, but not because my buddy thought some girl is cute and we should talk, or my goal is to get laid. But because as I'm going around having fun, I'm meeting interesting people I enjoy being around. Naturally, I'll attract people I enjoy.

For me, friends are the biggest killer in this because they are so dependent on the outcomes, which inadvertently drags you down. So you need to form a group that has a similar mindset.

HeroPUA · 2013-05-29T18:17:22+00:00

This is probably the biggest single problem I have right now. I'm just starting out, but affirmations seem to help. I'd love to hear what Seddit has to say about this.

Title	Changing your mindset to stop seeking approval
Author	benjamin-the-great
Upvotes	3
Comments	3
Date	May 29, 2013 5:25 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1fa2q2/changing_your_mindset_to_stop_seeking_approval/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/changing-your-mindset-to-stop-seeking-approval.1353054 https://theredarchive.com/post/1353054

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