Ok, so here is a new theory I have. I'd like to welcome any questions, comments, suggestions.

I was reading the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, and the author made a really interesting point. He said that both men and women have weird "moments" in relationships. A man's moment is that he sometimes, out of the blue, will want to retreat away from the woman and be alone somewhere. Women, of course, don't understand this, and get upset and don't know that this is just a natural thing guys do. A woman's "moment" is that she will occasionally, out of the blue, lose all her self esteem, and will need a man to comfort her and tell her she's awesome again. Men, of course, don't understand this, and often come off as cold and uncaring when women have these inexplicable self-esteem drops.

I was thinking about this and I think I can tie this into male and female biology. Even though both men and women enjoy being in relationships, their "ape" instincts still come out occasionally. Male apes, especially the alphas, enjoy the ability to dominate the female apes and have the freedom to roam and fuck as many different female apes as they want. Male apes also like the freedom to do whatever they want, with any man or woman controlling them, occasionally. So that explains the man's "moment."

Female apes, of course, want the shelter, protection, and resources of the alpha male ape. However, female apes understand the hierarchy of the tribe and they "feel" inferior (i.e., they "feel" like they are at the bottom of the tribal dominance hierarchy). This explains the woman's moment - no matter how much her man loves her or how secure she is in her relationship she is occasionally seized by that primal ape emotion that tells her that she is at the bottom of the tribal ape hierarchy and she is lucky if the alpha even acknowledges her. She needs some type of reassurance from the alpha ape that he will continue to provide her resources and shelter.

As long as women have this primitive, ape-like, inferiority complex programmed into their DNA it WILL BE IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO PROVE THAT YOU LIKE THEM. Of course, a woman can understand as a logical matter that you "like" her and are committed to her, but she doesn't "feel" it. She is constantly paranoid that the alpha male is going to abandon her and find another hotter ape and she is going to be left alone and hungry. Men, of course, are the opposite. Our ape instincts tell us that we are at the top of the tribe, so we just always assume girls like us. In fact, if there is one mistake men make in relationships is that we assume girls like us more than they actually do. Girls have the opposite problem - they think that men like them less than they actually do. Because men naturally feel liked, they don't understand the source of women's insecurity and why women constantly need to be told that you love them, etc...

So women have an instinctual, deep-bred, aversion to feeling liked. This is compounded in our modern society by douchebag guys that pretend to like girls just for the sex, and then dump them 2 weeks later.

What does this mean as a practical matter? This means that at the beginning stages of any relationship, you CAN'T CONVINCE HER THAT YOU LIKE HER. In fact, any type of emotional statement is rejected by her because her biology doesn't allow it. She might say "aww, sweet" or something like that, but it doesn't biologically register with her. It's like a 4 year old kid telling you that is he is going to kick your ass. You hear it, you understand it, you may even think he believes it, but.... you just don't feel it.

This doesn't mean don't be nice, or don't tell a girl you're interested in her. What I'm trying to say is that broad, generalized expressions of "like" are met with indifference at best or outright hostility and suspicion at worst. Women are intensely paranoid, so any time you act like you "like" her she will automatically assume the worst - i.e., you're lying to get sex, you have a weird agenda, etc... Think about the idea of "creepiness" - a creep is oftentimes just a guy who really likes a girl - but because women can't accept being liked they call the guy a "creep" - weird word that just means "guy who makes me feel uncomfortable."

What you SHOULD do is be nice, and like SPECIFIC THINGS ABOUT HER. So if she says something funny and you genuinely laugh, say "you're really funny." If she does something nice for you, thank her. But make sure that your compliments don't come off as bullshit statements that are hiding the fact that you "like" her. A girl can tell you if you said she's funny because she is actually funny or because you're just trying to be nice or "like" her.

The only time its ok to tell a girl you like her is when you've known her long enough, and she has done enough things for you that "proves" that she is likeable. Girls can accept being liked for the things they've done (bought you dinner, said funny things), but you can't tell a girl on the second date that you "like" her if there is no "hook" for you to like her on.

Also, realize that men fall in love quicker than women. It's in our biology. Men are looking for a mate to have sex with NOW, whereas women are naturally looking for a long-term provider, so it naturally takes a longer time for a woman to "click" with a man. Expressing feelings for her before she "clicks" makes you look like a predatory weirdo.

This is all just stream of consciousness, feel free to tell me about any gaping holes in my theory.