Question regarding the follow up

So, I've been out of the game for about 4 years through a series of consecutive long term relationships that kind of fell into my lap. I used to be pretty decent at the whole dating thing and have been getting back into it lately. I'm finding that I can get a girl to be all over me at the bar (I don't do one night stands), but when I text her there is no response which is not something I ever used to encounter before.

Background information: I'm 23 years old and living in a college town. I am pretty confident and far from stupid. I've been told by a number of people that I'm attractive, though i'm not nearly in the same shape physically that I was 4 years ago. Working on dropping the extra 15-20 pounds and reshaping the biceps-but you can't tell either of those things when I wear a button up so I don't feel that could be a significant part of the issue. I dress fairly nicely, never in a tshirt. Most of the non-responsive numbers have been ones gotten while at the bar rather than girls met walking around during the day. A lower ratio of responses makes sense, but not to the extent i've been getting this semester. Oh, and frequently these girls will agree to meet me for lunch or coffee when we meet, even set up a day-though I don't set a time

TLDR: Girls that were all over me in the bar, touching and super interested are not responding when contacted later. Any thoughts on why?

[–]FeministsLoveMe2 points 12 years ago [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]Ackilles 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

Thanks, I'll have to check it out! I started out waiting 2 days before I texted, but a friend pointed out that they might not remember me by that point depending on their level of intoxication. I've since swapped to the day after, but still with little success there.

That night seems a bit quick though, since it could come across as kind of needy-especially if you got her number pretty late in the night. Would you mind elaborating on how that usually goes for you?

Also, have you noticed a different in women in general's actions over the last few years? It used to be one in 10 numbers that wouldn't respond when I used to go out (and there were literally times when I would forget I had a number, and text them 1-2 weeks later and still get a response). Even the ones in relationships or were just not interested would text back just to chat, which was a fantastic way of making a lot of new friends

[–]FeministsLoveMe2 points 12 years ago [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link

The night of, what I'll do is when I get her number I don't immediately bounce out. I'll talk a little bit more and establish some comfort between us two post-number close and amplify my flirting and talking about us hanging out again, depending on her comfort level you can say a lot of different things. For example, I jokingly told one girl she should come back to my place soon because I just bought 40 cans of whipped cream and we should have a whipped cream party. Then I'll bounce out after a little and when I text her immediately after I'll remind her who I am being like "hey this is feministsloveme from (random bar), I'll even buy some chocolate syrup for next time we hang out". I usually try and make it something funny and original and if I can, a little sexual to establish that we aren't exactly going to be playing jenga next time we meet up. Usually she'll text back something, sometimes it makes no goddamn sense if we're both drunk and other times it might just be a simple reply back, but it doesn't matter, conversation has already been established and I don't reply back to whatever she says unless she's clearly trying to have a funny conversation, or you know you can just charm her pants off by continuing off your roll that she ate up.

The next day, then I'll text her again later in the afternoon jokingly bringing up something we talked about last night (this is why it's good to not be so drunk otherwise you seriously have nothing really to talk about because you won't remember much) and then set up logistics to another meet up, just like billy's text guide.

Ever since I've been 21 and going to bars, I've noticed a huge difference between women's actions in general. It's a colder approach to establish and maintain contact with girls you meet in bars because you have no common connection besides the fact that you both drank together one night at some bar. When I was younger in college going to house parties and whatnot, getting numbers and replies back was a piece of cake because there was already so much in common with one another (going to same school, same mutual friends, both in the greek system, just both young college students in the same exploration mode in general). With the bars you REALLY have to hit it off with a girl, establish a solid connection and make it known that you aren't just about to play some stupid fucking games, you're a grown man and you don't have the time. That's why it's good to leave nothing to question. Make sure she understands your intentions, not in a needy way, but not in a sleazy way either. When you get her number say things like "you know i'm going to ask you out right?" or "you're not one of those girls that just freely gives out her number and flakes left and right the next day right?", something to assert that you're into her and you don't have a second of your time for bullshit. It's still a work in progress for me but slowly i've been noticing increasing success, i'm no master at it yet, but I'm pretty confident. Usually I'll never get a text back if I really don't set and assert things out there the night of, which I do from time to time if I think there's enough there already (which i've learned many times even making out on dance floors and getting really physical doesn't guarantee a text back the next day unless I really make things known).

This is all a bit long but just my personal perspective from what i've noticed over the years.

[–]Ackilles 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]FeministsLoveMe1 points 12 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

I've had the same thing happen with me where I'll hook up a bit at the bar with a girl and then get no reply back the next day. That's because it's a random cold-meeting you had with that girl, and in my experience you need to verbally further that interaction, otherwise you were just a midnight dream for them and that's it. Girls very quickly become goddamn pros with their emotions after all the turmoil through high school and college and I always think that generally speaking, they are more apt to differentiate men based on what they mean to them emotionally. For us it's more like two categories: girls that are into me, and girls that you haven't noticed anything yet.

For girls you can be that cute late night hookup, the husband she'll marry after she has her fun, that cool guy at the coffee shop but you two have nothing in common, a thousand different things that all pale in comparison to that one guy, the one who drives her wild and is above a category and is in the back of her mind. While it might not be an immediate move to that last category, that's the golden zone, and where all those golden principles like leave them better than you found them apply the most

Girls are fickle and won't hesitate to cut and drop in a seconds notice during earlier stages and you have to respect that, because any decent self-respecting man should do the same to keep his principles and self-respect. They're being honest with themselves and so should you at all times, treat people and scenarios exactly how you feel they should be, being fake is self-destructive and can be smelled a mile away.

Only until recently I was doing exactly what you did; grabbing the number then immediately taking off and it was frustrating to see not even a third of them reply back. You and me both need to work on really setting it up and asserting yourself the night of. Good luck and feel free to pm me and we'll see how it works out

[–]Ackilles 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]puaCurveBall 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Ackilles1 point 12 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Title	Question regarding the follow up
Author	Ackilles
Upvotes	1
Comments	8
Date	September 9, 2013 8:54 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1m23ub/question_regarding_the_follow_up/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/question-regarding-the-follow-up.1358102 https://theredarchive.com/post/1358102

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