After ending a very LTR because I wasn't ready for marriage last year, I realized I didn't know how to be single. I was out of shape, had shaky confidence, and lots of doubt about ending a relationship. Some of you with low levels of success or who have never been in a serious relationship may think my starting point isn't relatable; however, newly single, I can assure you I was more or less clueless and completely overwhelmed by this new feeling of being 'alone.' Among other support avenues, I dove into this subreddit and started my journey of being single.

I can't say I really had a dry spell because I managed to find women fairly quickly with the help of internet dating, but the calibur of women I was closing wasn't what I wanted it to be. We'll get to why that was happening in a second.

So I began dating. A LOT.

  • A short relationship which ended abruptly when she became extremely clingy and obsessive. I was partly to blame because I fed into it. I liked having someone there. Maybe I needed it.
  • A date with what I considered a 10 in NYC, felt like I connected well with, made out passionately with, paid $80 for a dive bar tab between two of us, only to receive a text later that night that she wasn't interested. I texted her repeatedly asking for an explanation. Was I not attractive enough? Didn't we just make out multiple times? It's because I'm ugly right?
  • A short dating fling with a 9/9.5 who I tried too hard to please. She was often rude and cold. Instead of calling her out for this, I avoided confrontation to keep the sex going. The sex wasn't even good--I just liked that she validated me by having it with me. I showed signs of neediness. Pretty soon she said she didn't feel the spark. I was hurt, so I lashed out and told her she was bad in bed anyway and never spoke to her again.
  • I had a very hot streak. I had sex with three different women in the span of three days, each of whom I had met the same night. I was pretty sure I caught an STD in there somewhere. One of these girls I got attached to from across the country. She was a 9 and my god was she good in bed. She crushed me with no remorse. I was bitter for a while about this one.

Take a breath

At this point I took some time to myself to analyze where I was going wrong and I realized I needed to improve myself. My failures were a direct result of my own mistakes. Putting high value on females based solely on looks. Becoming attached too soon and without merit. Pursuing only one female at a time and developing oneitis.

"Getting your shit together"

I began fixing these problems immediately. I began seeing a therapist regularly to discuss my problems with attachment and needing validation. I joined a gym and got in-fucking-shape. I stopped putting high value on looks--now every 10 was a 5 until she earned her 10 with me. I stopped wasting extravagant amounts of money on first dates. I began dating multiple women simultaneously. I stopped caring when a girl lost interest.

I won't say I'm perfect now, because I'm still improving myself every day and making mistakes along the way. But I can tell you this...

I am more confident than I have ever been. I am now seeing signs of female attraction as a result of my take it or leave it attitude. I don't need validation because I am happy with exactly who I am; I choose to pursue very attractive women solely for entertainment. I now give off a very strong energy in bars/clubs that I can visually gauge: AMOGs give me breadth when walking past me...HB9/10's engage in sustained eye contact with me and are receptive to approaches. It is a strange feeling, being suddenly in control, and I have this subreddit, in part, to thank.