How do I become more confident?

horologist2018 · 2018-11-07T21:41:42+00:00

Virgin College freshman here.

Time to break that!

I am just getting into TRP

Congrats!

and I just can't talk to girls.

You can, we're gonna talk about this.

I am so confident when I'm with friends,

I want you to keep this in mind, it'll be important in a minute.

but when I'm alone I just freak the fuck out and can't talk to girls or say anything.

There is a very specific, measurable reason for this. We're going to fix it.

I am quiet 100% of the time when I'm alone.

What?

How do I get over this?

Alright man, too much too soon is your problem! You said it yourself: You're confident when you're with friends, yet when alone with a girl you lock up. What you're doing is having OUTCOME DEPENDENCE. You are building stress in your mind based on the outcome you desire from a girl you are interacting with. You desire sex, it's very important to you, and because of that stress and dependence on the outcome, you luck up and freeze. YET, you don't have outcome dependence when just relaxing and socializing with your friends; in other words, you are confident when not hoping for an outcome.

So how do you get over this?

In the future, when you interact with a girl one-on-one, I want you to completely 100% write off the possibility that you want to fuck her, or that she is even interested in you. Don't even flirt with her. Just talk to her and be friendly, that's it. Don't think about anything else except that this girl you are talking to is ONE OF YOUR BUDS. If it helps, just imagine that she has a dick, or convince yourself in that moment that she is HIV positive. ANYTHING to turn you off, and have a normal, healthy, great interaction with a female one-on-one.

Do that for a little while, and it will solve your locking up problem. Once you learn to quit being dependent of the outcome, then one of two things are going to happen:

A: Girls you talk to are going to start flirting with you overtly, and you will get laid OR

B: Your outcome dependence is going to vanish, and you will then move into over flirting with girls, which will reignite your outcome dependence, except now you will have the female social skills to navigate your previous problem.

I am lifting and getting a bit of confidence from that but I just can't approach girls.

Good deal! Don't approach girls right now for any flirting, you'll bomb it. Just do what I described above. If you cold approach a girl, make sure it's platonic, and just you being friendly, to make conversation.

I want to work on my cold approaches.

Good! Cold approaches are great. Like I said, just cold approach with ZERO INTENTION of it going anywhere. Think of yourself as an 80 year old man trying to make conversation.

My ultimate goals are to just get laid, and hook up with women. Thanks,

Good goal for a virgin! You got this, brother.

patuloco78 · 2018-11-07T21:36:25+00:00

Just practice it in a setting or venue that you are more comfortable with. For some it’s a bar or for others at school. Experiment and fine tune your approach

Olram_Sacul · 2018-11-07T21:35:39+00:00

First of all your ultimate goals should be getting good grades and networking to find a good job. And regarding the confidence issues, just do it man, at the beginning you’ll suck, but the more you do it, the easier it will become

Title	How do I become more confident?
Author	fartlord69
Upvotes	1
Comments	14
Date	November 7, 2018 9:29 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/9v3lvk/how_do_i_become_more_confident/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-do-i-become-more-confident.136724 https://theredarchive.com/post/136724

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