Let me tell you a story. About a week ago, I met up with a girl I had exchanged numbers with a while back. A relatively low key hangout, I took her to a rock climbing gym, then we went back to my place where I told her I'd cook for her.

At the gym I played it like a champ. Did all the most impressive routes I could, lots of which had you upside down on the ceiling, Kino a fair bit, complimented her when she finished a route (qualification, plus she was actually quite good for a first timer), light teasing when she slipped up, and a bit of self deprecating humor when I failed at one that was pretty hard.

Back at my place, I chilled out a lot and just let her talk while I cooked, giving appropriate responses when necessary. I didn't try any further Kino save for an arm around her as we watched a movie, because the attraction was already there from all the dhv at the gym. Furthermore, she was in my apartment on the first date, which can be super nerve wracking for them. So I backed off a little and just played the comfort game, made it obvious that nothing would happen if she didn't want it, etc. It probably seems contradictory to cornerstone seddit advice, but it really made all the difference that night. You really have to calibrate to how the girl is feeling.

About halfway through the movie, i shifted for comfort, she thought I was making a move, and she basically grabbed me at made the move for me. I asked if she wanted to go somewhere more private, motioning to my bedroom, to which she happily agreed. As I was getting the condom, she had some token last minute resistance, saying "oh my gosh, I'm so cheap! Sleeping on the first date!" To which I replied "why would I think you're cheap for sleeping with me? That would be a bit of a double standard, wouldn't it?" And the rest went completely smoothly.

She later told me that she was not planning on sleeping with me that night, but just felt so comfortable that she decided to go for it. I feel like so many people miss this, that building comfort is just as important as building attraction. Without making her comfortable with me first, she almost certainly would not have slept with me, much less been the one to initiate (3 times that night, I might add). Now this good without saying that you should not expect her to make a move for you, and we'll probably still have to do it yourself. The point is that calibration can make the difference between a snl and nothing.

Tl;dr take comfort just as seriously as attraction and she'll do much of the hard part for you.