At least I went out.

Just a short little report if you even want to call it that. So I work a nightshift job and got off work this morning. Went to sleep during the day like I normally do and woke up around 8 pm. I live in a small town and there is a small little club where all the college students and people my age go to. I usually never get the opportunity to go because of my work schedule. Tonight I was off for a scheduling reason so I figured I should go out since it's my only chance and may be for awhile. I woke up feeling really tired and not in a mood to go out and socialize. Showered, ate something quick, and had some coffee. Walked in the snow with temperatures below zero for about a mile. The whole time I walked there I thought of turning back. But I told myself that even if I'm not in the mood to approach anyone and have fun, so what. I need to start taking action. I got to the club and saw people and heard the music, and got a little intimidated. I saw people in groups and thought to myself, "I'm all by myself, everyone will think that there is something wrong with me." Again, who fucking cares.

I went into the club and was told that the entrance is free, only the drinks cost money. I don't drink much anymore for my health and well-being, so I figured that's cool. I did a lot of walking and sitting around, said a few things to a couple of people and then just kind of stood in one spot. I felt really stupid but at least I had the balls to go by myself while being sober. I ran into a couple of old friends and had some short exchanges with them. So I didn't feel completely alone. Some songs played that I was into so I danced around by myself and a couple times I danced with some girls for a very short amount of time. Nothing came from it but it felt good to make my own decisions and take action. I was tempted to get a drink but I wasn't going to use it as a crutch to stop feeling inhibited. I need to take action, is what I kept telling myself. I need to directly approach a girl. All of them are with other guys and their girlfriends, they'll see that I'm alone, I don't know what to say, I'm in this stupid logical pretending to have fun mood, is what I kept telling myself.

Needless to say I didn't directly approach a girl, get a number, makeout, or get laid. Oh well. I have a lot of things to work on. This experience enlightened me. I need to form a social circle somehow, learn to approach girls, etc. From the few reactions I did get from girls I danced around, they seemed to enjoy it. As scared as I was, no one came up to me and shamed me to why I was by myself. There were other guys that looked like they knew eachother who were doing nothing but sitting at the bar watching people dance. I'm not bashing them because I have been there. So I feel that I'm making slow progress in some kind of way.

One of my friends that I saw offered to let me bring my equipment and dj one night (he works at the club). So maybe I'll have a chance to make some friends and work on my social circle. Work will be an obstacle with that but maybe I can work something out.

If you can't tell, I am a hard case newbie with little experience with girls that I haven't gotten to know by going out. Most girls I've had sexual experiences with I met through my existing social circle or at school. Just a few things I want to make sure I get across to guys like me who have really bad anxiety:

-Don't expect to get results instantly. It's ok to feel anxiety and pressure when trying to meet girls. You have to own it and overcome it.

-Start taking action in some way. If you're past my point and you're comfortable with going out, start approaching girls from cold approach. If you're new like me just go out. Try to get some friends to go with you, going out alone and sober is hard as fuck. Next time I'm going to talk to girls. I just need to accept my fear of rejection.

-Girls go out to have fun. If you have a shitty attitude, you won't get any girls. Every girl there was having a good time tonight. The guys having a good time were the ones talking to the girls and dancing with them. Trust me, I was in my head like crazy tonight. The environment was putting me into a really negative state. But in reality, my negative state was coming from within. I just started dancing tried to make myself have a good time. I looked like I was having more fun then the guys who had social proof from their friends standing in one spot.

This gave me motivation to try to go out and socialize, not just meeting women. I hope this helps someone out like me. This turned out longer than I thought, but it has value. Stop doing this for an outcome and enjoy taking action and becoming the kind of man you want to be. I'm far from where I want to be. Let's keep going.

TL;DR: Went out by myself to a small club while being sober. Didn't really get any worthwhile results but it taught me not to go out for results in the first place. Need to work on my approach anxiety, social circle, and how to get out of my head and have a good time.