I don't know what to say. I was on the bus, sat down, and this beautiful girl was just staring at me. My natural reaction was to look away, then look back and shes still looking at me. Repeat that like 4 times, and shes sitting directly across from me. I definitely made it awkward y not talking to her.

I'm super disappointed in myself. I mean what the fuck, what am I here in the subreddit for, right? I (very inconsistently) cold approach girls but can't handle myself when it comes to a girl showing interest right off the bat like this?

At the time I just wasn't sure what to say, what to do, just overall nervousness and stifledness. I know that I could have talked about anything, I just wasn't sure of myself.

Fuuuuck. It just reminds me of all my other failings and things that I let my self down with. I don't have a good sleep routine, even when I attempt to fix it I can't, I never get all the schoolwork I want to get done and end up procrastinating really bad, I give in to temptation to eat junk food a lot, and recently when dealing with a kid who was bullying me I chose to fight instead of handling it in smarter, more constructive ways.

I want to be a great, self-discipline, high-achieving person but instead I'm add as fuck, I can't focus, I have very little self-discipline, and I am just overall a mediocre person in terms of grade, effort I put in, all of it.

I try to make new habits and just fail miserably and end up giving up. I really don't believe in myself because I always give up. I never follow through. Just.... fuck. Somethings gotta change. My personal growth has been stagnant for too god damn long.

I have so many regrets, so many opportunities Ifucked up because I was a pussy, even though I knew better.

I went to 2 music festivals and didn't do more than 3 approaches.

There have been several girls interested in me that I didn't do anything with b.c. I was a pussy. There have been sooo many parties where I didn't talk to a single girl. There have been lots of instances of me seeing someone I know or have interacted with before but I don't say anything to them because I don't really know them and am reluctant to talk to them. Or in general when I go out my room and I don't "talk to everyone".

I gotta change. I can't keep fucking up like this. I'm getting worried that I'll never live up to my own standards, I'll never be esteemable or the type of person I want to be. That self-disciplined, self-driven, extroverted, charming, high achieving person. Instead I'm someone who KNOWS I should take action but so often don't have the self-discipline. I've gt to change, I can't keep doing this But every time I say that and try I fail. I don't believe myself anymore.