I want to have more successful platonic relationships with other straight women, especially at work. I'm unconfident, and it's given me a lifelong status problem. To solve I've tried investing in my own self esteem, doing extracurricular activities that I enjoy and building skills at work, but all that does not seem to be helping. I've worked at several different companies in a variety of roles, I've stayed between 2-4 years at some jobs, but the pattern is always the same. I end up hating the job because I'm sick of the social discomfort day in and day out.

It's not mere shyness or social anxiety. I used to let it give me anxiety and low self esteem, but after a combination of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, antidepressants, gathering of feedback, and various self improvement campaigns, I'm starting to see what's really going on. I'm really just as competent as my peers, but I'm rarely taken seriously and I don't get my way in a conflict. My contributions to successful projects go unacknowledged, and I'm often blamed for problems created by others.

How does one act like an alpha female as opposed to an alpha male? Does acting alpha even apply to women?

I want to focus on my relationships with women in particular because I find them the hardest to communicate with. I'm at least able to form friendships in my non-working life with men, but not with women. Men are more tolerant of insecurity, especially from women. Some of them are probably interested in me, because I'm of average attractiveness and they are often inexperienced with women. Failing that, some just find my familiarity with male geek culture to be refreshing. Women on the other hand, are a total mystery to me, and in a professional context even the men become less tolerant.

tl;dr: I come across as a doormat and I want to convey status.