Keeping up the attraction despite distance, and creating the basis for a relationship commitment

I've posted a Field Report sometime ago, describing a date with a girl that was stopped by LMR and what I learned about that and the importance of logistics.

The situation has evolved and I've eventually slept with her and developed a strong connection. The full context is available as a separate askseddit thread.

My question is, however, more generic than the specific situation: as I move a lot because of my work, I tend to get into these situations of forced distance quite often.

The main thing here is that there often hasn't been enough time to create a long-term commitment: my work, is, however, very flexible and I have the freedom to move or not to move around for the most part. So, in theory, I could stay where the relationship requires and build something, but it's often too soon to declare such a commitment ("Yea, I will stay here for you!" risks sounding really desperate and needy).

I'd like to find a way to keep the attraction high while I myself discover if it's worth it to commit to a relationship in such a way that affects my location. In the current situation (as you can read in the bottom paragraphs of the above-mentioned link on /r/askseddit), she sounds attracted and explicitly said she didn't want to lose me in her life as it would hurt her, and would like to maintain correspondence, despite being "convinced of the impossibility to make our so-different souls meet" (her words).

I believe she's very scared and wants to tone down the intensity by maintaining a low-risk, "dull" online contact until she can feel again comfortable (and perhaps even friendzone me).

I want to avoid this from happening and I am also pretty confident that we're a good match for a long term relationship. The obvious thing I am thinking about now is to not comply with her request of contact and correspondence, to keep the attraction and longing on a high. But, on the other hand, there is no way I can further this if I keep no contact whatsoever.

Please avoid suggesting me that I'd move on and find somebody where I am located currently. I live the lifestyle of a Digital Nomad, and move constantly, so these kind of things happen all the time. If I weren't really interested in a LTR with her, I'd definitely be banging other girls where I am located now.

[–]Lightwarrior358 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

My friend, I feel your predicament but I can only share my perspective in the hope that you resonate with it. First I want say, that by the distance the attraction can be increased if you maintain your masculinity towards the current situation and her. Face the truth for yourself that you don't know if it is going to work but that it will be worth it because of the love between you two. (You probably already did something similar but I really advice that you make that clear to yourself) Second handle yourself by selfcontrol: not pushing your love towards her. In most cases men tend to do this because he is affraid that she will find somebody else, when he is away. Accept that this is a posibility and let it go. (again you probably did something similar but it helps for the next advice I'm going to give you) Keep yourself occupied with your own life well you're away so that you are not tempted to make the all old mistake of: being there to "much" for her. I would also make it clear to her that you'r not affraid to lose her in the moments of her dispair. Lead in this situation by showing your confidents and being determinant that it will work out for the best. But also be honest that you don't know where it is going to end up. Some personal enlightenment: The only sort of time that is importand is NOW, not the past, not the future.. all you have is now, literally. The future doesn't matter so long your energy in the NOW is set on making the LTR work. And give her that energy (that feeling) of that you handle the situation with strength and don't focus on bad outcomes, clear that energy between you two because that is what ultimately will bring failure. Keep the situation LIGHT weighted and don't make it a big deal. Just go with it.. If it is not clear then just ask,

[–]NinGenShinRa[S] 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I don't know why you have been downvoted, it is solid advice. I perhaps wasn't clear enough in this post, but at the moment there has been no commitment to a relationship between either of us.

What I need to do is to set the basis for this commitment, for us to come up and say: "Sure, let's try it."

Your advice of:

Relaxing my expectation
Not pushing (maintaining the frame)
Not being too available

Is really solid. But, on the other hand, I need to show her that I am willing to try and commit more, and escalate the situation.

When you can see each other, this is a pretty easy thing to do. When all I have is online communication at the moment, it is hard.

One thing I was thinking was to come down by her city (which is close to my home town) for other reasons (which may or may not be real), and make it as a light-hearted excuse to meet and further the relationship. But this, too, seems too much unbalanced and prone to scare her off.

[–]Lightwarrior358 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm happy to see that it resonated with you and you are knowledgeable enough to find the core message. The part of not: Being too available will automaticly fulfill: Relaxing my expectations and: Not pushing. (I think if you will remember it in this way you find it easier to comprehend because in the heat of the moment people tend to forget the lesson.) But you have to sincerely decide for yourself that you will still focus on your own life. But it cost "acceptance-strenght" to realize that you will be on your best for her if you are not in a "worried-state-of-mind" because then you start to lose points. (but that is a topic on its own)

However I indeed misunderstoud the level of your current connection between you two. I still don't know the full spectrum of your relationship but I have the feeling that you on the startingpoint to let your ego run the show. Because you are ready to lie and by your writing you don't seem to be that kind of person.

I will keep as casual as I can but you basicly asking how you can show that you really in to her without losing your manhood (what is interesting because that is the essence of masculine seduction):

What comes to mind is with online chatting you will be the one that closes the conversation. I can go really deep in this but it basicly shows that you have more things to do and you don't put her on a pedestal.
Also I would not advise to make that effort to come by if you are just in the "early stages". I have coppied a text from a small guide that I have wrote:

"Also know that the main reason why you want to give yourself so fast to her is because of your ego. Your ego expects when I give myself all at once she will also give herself all at once. When you are in a conversation with a men you do not have this habit. Think about it and realize it. You have to make her interested enough in you that she wants to know more, but not so much that she already knows enough." "It's like a dance. You come little bit closer and then you go for the distance again. You are taking steps back so that the woman needs to make a move towards you. And so, you are creating attraction. Give incomplete information about yourself. Give information about yourself little by little. Show your personal limits to her. She will go fishing for information which gives an incredibly attraction. You are becoming a sort of mystery for her. Information will create the counterpart of being a mystery be aware of that."
"The mystery causes that she will think about you while there is no interaction between you two. That can only happen when there is a questionmark in her mind where she has no awnser for. This can be discovered by the questions she asks and she asks those questions because she is interested in the answers of course. And when she goes into her mind now considering what should have been the answer. You are creating attraction. In a nutshell, a women will only fall in love with a man, when she thinks of him without being in his presence or have any sort of contact with him. This is the key to attractiveness."

I belief this is a piece of knowlegde you will understand and can apply in your current situation, just ask if it is not clear..

Title	Keeping up the attraction despite distance, and creating the basis for a relationship commitment
Author	NinGenShinRa
Upvotes	1
Comments	3
Date	May 21, 2015 5:02 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/36rvmz/keeping_up_the_attraction_despite_distance_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/keeping-up-the-attraction-despite-distance-and.1388467 https://theredarchive.com/post/1388467

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