Went out alone for the first time today..

Hey guys!

So RSD Julien recommends going out 30 minutes a day everyday and longer on the weekends or whenever u have more time. I went out for like 3 days in a row and didnt go out on Fri. and Sat. just cause I didnt have a wing. I felt my momentum slipping away and I didnt want to believe my rationalizations of why I couldnt just go out. So I joined my local lair.

These guys were all pretty friendly and welcoming and I agreed to meet someone to go out for daygaming but he had a date call him last minute. No problem, i'm not a cockblock. He basically lets me know when I'm already on my way cause that's when he found out. In my head at that moment I was thinking of turning back around and going home. But I said fuck it, i;m already out, I was wearing one of my favorite shirts and I can't keep rationalizing to myself why I can't do it. If I make rationalization a habit I'll just go back to square 1 or even worse.

I decide to go out by myself first so I stop at a local Subway restaurant and get a steak salad (healthy) and to think about where I should go. I decide to go to the same park I previously daygamed at so after my meal I go into the subway station. Right away I see a cute blonde sitting alone. We make eye contact at first but I was too scared to talk to her so I just take the empty seat next to her. A minute passes by and I just say fuck it and open with:

Me: Hey, were you waiting here long?

Her: No only a couple minutes, the train might be delayed yada yada yada.

Me: So How's your day going?

Her: It just started.

Me: But it's already 4pm, you were out drinking werent you? (playful smile)

Her: yahh I was so hungover

Me: Oh how old are you?

Her: 23

Me: ohh Where'd u go? (she didnt ask me my age, so I didnt tell her. I'm 19)

Her: Jade with a couple of friends. (I remember some people from the lair chat talking about Jade so I was like oh cool some people I know were there last night!)

Me: So what's your name? I'm shiftiskey

Her: M. (not gonna say her name)

Then we proceed to board the train and right then something embarrassing happens to me.. I wasnt completely in the train yet but the door closes on me... and hits my shoulder. She saw everything too but I say fuck it, I'm not letting this get to me and keep talking. She got off first and she says "Nice talking to you!" I say : "same."

Then I get off at the next stop and I see 3 REALLY cute spanish girls. The type that would have me really nervous if I didnt have momentum built up from the week. I open them by asking how to get to the park. (I genuinely didnt know because there was construction on the regular route I take and so I had to take an alternate route.) Theyre helpful and show me on the map, I ask them if I can go with them. They say sure, and I;m just standing there awkwardly hovering over them. I try to engage them in small talk but I never opened 3 beautiful girls before and so the convo quickly dies and they go back to speaking in spanish. Instead of awkwardly hovering over them I take a few steps away and check my phone for a bit, waiting for the train. The train arrives and the girl says "It's this train"

Me: OK cool.

We take the train and my stop is literally only one stop away and I ask

Me: This one?

all three girls say : Yea

I proceed to say Thanks and high five all 3 of them. It was kind of awkward but I thought fuck it, w/e. Probably gonna never see them again.

When I get to the park I had massive AA, couldnt appproach. I was thinking of just going home but instead I open the lair chat and ask them for an opener. The response I get : just say Hi

Me: What should i follow it up with though??

Them: Don't think that far ahead, let it come naturally, be genuine. (Not verbatim but somewhere along these lines.)

At this point I knew they were right and I was just thinking too much because I wanted it to be perfect. But I said fuck it, the worst that could happen is I fail, and I allowed myself to fail.

2nd interaction

So I open this Dominican girl sitting next to me.

I say : Hi

Her: Um, hey..?

Me: I'm waiting for a friend who's supposed to get here in 30 mins but I don't know whats taking him so long. I was bored so I just wanted someone to talk to you. (this is obviously a lie, I'm meeting no one.)

Her: (she smiles) Okay, I guess I can be your friend for 30 mins, or less. Then I'll have to ditch you.

Me: (I can sense shes being playfully teasy so I crack jokes and tease her at times too.)

Also, there was a group of performers right in front of us and they were picking out people from the crowd. This is one of my worst fears, I hate being put on the spot like this. So I convince her to leave, I heard somewhere that if you lead and she complys, it either means she is attracted or it can generate attraction. She is feisty about it.

Me: Hey do you wanna walk around?

Her: No let's just sit down.

Me: Nah come on, I want to walk around I hate sitting down for a long time.

Her: But I was sitting down all day.

Me: You look like you need the exercise, cmon lets go.

Her: fine, alright.

Note: I didnt say this as a "neg". I didnt try to hurt her feelings I said it with a playful smile and she was being playfully difficult as well.

The only other things I remember is that I correctly guessed that she was Dominican and she correctly guessed I was Korean. It was weird. We start talking about Asian stereotypes and Spanish stereotypes. Honestly I;m just saying whatever comes to mind, I didnt really want there to be any awkward silences. She told me shes there cause shes waiting for her date who is late. I;m just in it for the social momentum. Both sides win. Shes laughing at most of my jokes but it still feels friend to friend. I didnt kino since the beginning and I tried it later to which she responded "Don't touch me" but again, she was being playfully difficult. I responded my poking her and she laughed. Then I had to go to the bathroom and I guess she had to leave. I gave her a high five and we just left. I couldve risked it and asked for her number because it wasnt her boyfriend who she was meeting on a date. I decide not to though because Julien has this advice called Surviving not Thriving for when you first start out. This basically means play it safe until youre comfortable with approaching and ebverything, then go all out. When youre comfortable you switch to Thriving not surviving.

At this point Im ready to go home, I had a few good interactions. I tell the group chat about it and they say STAY OUT. So I say fuck it Im gonna stay out and I start walking back to the park. When I get back to the park, Im in my head again and I really dont want to do this. I get AA again so I leave. Im disappointed in myself but then I see this cute asian girl.

Next approach

Me: Hey can you tell me where the train station is? (I knew where it was but I figured I will use this opportunity as reference experience and desensitization.)

Her: Yeah it's that way

Me: Is that where youre going? Can you take me there?

Her: Yeah sure.

We start talking and I found out she lives pretty close to me and we were gonna take the train together for about an hour and 30 mins. So i just keep the convo going as best i can, try not to judge myself and I try to look into her eyes a lot. I get kind of nervous at times but I just try not to make the convo die. I smile alot, and get her to laugh. I tell her some personal things like how I;m scared for my future cause i don't know what to do and stuff. She relates. She was also a quarter Korean so there was a lot to talk about there. Also some of her friends went to my high schoool.

We get to the last stop of the train, but were taking different buses. Im getting pretty nervous at this point cause I want to number close. I keep my cool though because even though she is attractive, I wasnt that interested in her.

I say casually: So you should give me your number, we should keep in touch.

Her: pause um yeah okay.. (she gives it to me) Are you sure you were only asking for directions?

Me: why?

Her: idk, you seem really outgoing (she basically knows why i really approached her. I guess the saying is true that women are a lot more intuitive than men.)

Still I deny it and I just give her a hug cause shes going the other way.

So that was my day.

TL;DR- Went out for the first time today on my own. Didnt really want to but forced myself to. Didnt place judgement on myself and got my first ever number close.

Also, for anyone reading whos not going out, YOU CAN DO THIS TOO! Ive lurked for over a year, wish I started back then. Just baby step it, dont get psyched out and dont compare yourself. You won't die.