A few weeks ago, approached an attractive lady after the gym and had a quick chat, asked for her number for a drink some time. She agreed. She had dyed blonde/green hair, she wore a nose ring and her arms and legs were covered with tattoos- If you looked at her style, you would guess that she's a bit of a free spirit and down for some fun. However, being an experienced sedditor nowadays, I know better than to project any kind of image on a girl before getting to know them, and I was quite right to do so.

A week later, we meet up for drinks, it was a little awkward at first, but conversation started to flow after we sat down and got talking.

In between a bit of light flirting and joking around, I asked her about her life, her goals, her passions. Now, she was a cute girl.. But I started getting some red flags:

  • Her passions were working as a waitress 6 days a week to fund her shopping habit of designer brand clothing. She said she only stays in hotels that are 4 star minimum (wtf?)

  • She had no outside hobbies or interests

  • Her general approach to life was: "meh, just go with the flow" and "I just run away from things when I don't like it"

  • She was no good at making eye contact, I observed that she only looked into my eyes a handful of times over 3 hours. When I asked her she said that she doesn't like looking into people's eyes because it's weird and she hates it.

  • The girl had body language like a robot

    But here I was, I thought.. I put the work in to get her number and we're on a date.. and she's kinda cute, even though I don't like her personality, I felt somewhat committed. I said to her "Look, we've got 2 options right now, I can go home and get changed for training (I have sports team training in the evenings) or we can go for one more drink". She changed the topic and kept the conversation going, so I took that as a sign that she wanted me to stay. (Was I misinterpreting here?)

    Even though her body language was stiff and frigid, I just put it down to her being a bit of a strange girl. I started upping the kino (I had been touching her lightly on the arm and shoulders beforehand, and had my arm around her although she never reciprocated), I held her hands and she didn't respond or pull away- time went on and I decided to go in for the kiss, and for real.. she said "I don't want to kiss you, it'll ruin my lipstick". I started laughing so hard, I told her how ridiculous that was, but she was adamant that her previous bfs had to respect the same decision- no kissing on good lipstick day. Anyway, because I found the whole situation completely mad and hilarious, I decided to tease her a bit and pretend to go in for the kiss again mid conversation but she didn't find it humorous. I was quite ready to go home and leave but thought I should at least finish my drink first, we talked for a few more minutes, she said she had to go to the toilet and I never saw her again. I guess she beat me to it.

    Lessons to take away:

    • Don't build up pre-conceived or romanticized ideas of someone based on their looks before knowing them.
    • If you get red flags, or connection isn't right, just leave. Seriously JUST LEAVE, you'll be doing both of you a favour and you'll also save yourself some money too. NEVER settle for anything that you don't think is right for you, I made this mistake, but I will never let it happen again.
    • I know seddit and pua, we are advised to always assume attraction and to make a polarising move and then deal with the outcome whether its positive or negative. I think this situation was particularly tricky because when I kino-ed she didn't reciprocate or pull away, her body language was poor, so I had to go purely on verbal cues - as a result, I couldn't be sure whether she was down for kissing or not- I decided to make a move, and I was rejected (whether or not her excuse was legitimate). It would be good to get some advice and discussion going here about what they would do in this kind of situation- Was I misinterpreting something and going in too strong ?