~ archived since 2018 ~
Popular
Other
[deleted]
[–]Broboaticus 7 points8 points9 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Also, don't extrapolate from individuals to generals.
Every person you meet, this girl who isn't into you, this "loser" thermostat guy, the guy who gives you your coffee, they're all unfathomably unique individuals who have experienced a life as full of human experience as you have.
Don't be so quick to assign judgment. Open yourself up to other people's experiences. Listen without trying to help or change.
You'll grow a lot that way. Maybe you'll eventually have the human wisdom to simply ask the girl instead of asking reddit. She knows a lot better than randos on the Internet do.
[–]JustAGoodDude1 points 10 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
You are right. i admit I was a bit irrationally annoyed. Which is so so pathetic, I never imagined I was like this. But that's what 'one-itis' does to you lol. As you and others have said, who am I to judge this guy. I'll get over it.
On a different note, I like the way you think, it definitely is different to how I see things that's for sure. Do you have any books you like to recommend people on topics such as this?
Cheers.
[–]Broboaticus 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Most of my (favorite and most useful) schooling has been from non western sources. In addition to psych I'm also a scholar of religion and I've learned a lot from a couple books.
Mere Christianity is very good and accessible. If you don't believe in Christianity it's extra helpful because it'll give you a base level understanding of Christian people.
The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying is a great deal of help as well. This one is probably better in terms of concrete advice, but don't fall into the trap of calling yourself a Buddhist or any of that bullshit. It's also very accessible in terms of content.
It's important to know that these texts don't teach you how to interact with other people, but rather how to interact with self. It's hard to encapsulate a whole world view into a reddit comment, but by learning to take care of yourself and adjust perception and judgment, you learn how to lead a much more enriched life. This isn't dating advice as much as its just advice on good conduct.
[–]Broboaticus 4 points5 points6 points 10 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link
Your problem here is that you aren't using empathy for the situation.
Do you seriously think that everyone assigns the same values the quality of "good" that you do? It sounds like you don't know anything at all about what this individual who you were interested in actually looks for in a person. Perhaps they have fun adventures and she doesn't need to worry about work when she's with him.
Not everyone look at other people as tools or human capital. There could be qualities about both of them you don't know about (which seems very likely).
[–][deleted] 10 years ago* (12 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]Broboaticus 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Might be. Might not be.
But OP's attitude isn't right for me to tell him something like that. I suspect he would assume anyone who didn't meet his abitrary standards would still be a loser, and that's no way to live.
[–][deleted] 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Broboaticus 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I dunno, he said he was a loser, that seems like less of a comparison and more of a judgment.
He also said the guy wouldn't have done anything with his life in ten years, which he doesn't and can't know, because he's using strictly a capitalistic mindset for how people "do things with their lives".
[–]Broboaticus 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
As someone who's studying psychology, counseling specifically, I would say that people want what they want. Assigning gender based criteria is silly. People are shaped much more by their culture and environment than their biology.
I'd encourage you, as I did OP, to go and talk to real people. Books can only take you so far. Especially with the prevalence of pseudoscientific and non recreatable psych studies that get marketed as gospel.
[–][deleted] 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Broboaticus 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Because it hurts him more than it hurts anyone else to assign judgment to strangers. I can tell you that for a fact.
[–][deleted] 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Broboaticus 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Well, I mean long term hurt. Leading a judgmental life is going to end up hurting you in the long run, even from a capitalistic perspective, because you lose out on the unique experiences everyone brings to the table.
Being open is better for OP, it enriches him and everyone else around him.
You know what I'm saying?
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Of course. OP asks a simple question and you're giving him a lesson on morality and how he should think and live his life and I'm not sure if that's necessary.
[–]Broboaticus -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well, it's not a simple question at all imho, especially with the inclusion of the backstory.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Making excuses why she is with this guy will do nothing to help, sorry to say.
In general, when you see a guy who has success with a woman that you want, you should ask yourself "how can I be more like this guy?"
That is not to say that every woman is with the right guy, but you definitely need to give women more credit. I've learned more from women about seduction than I have learned from men. While they don't always make the best decisions, they seem to have a much deeper understanding of the inner workings and emotions of human beings than men have. Don't be so quick to dismiss their impulses.
[–]Broboaticus 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You are right tho. I'm one of those people haha
[–]thawrestla 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Good points. To answer OPs direct question, my understanding is that social status of a partner matters ALOT. Huge. I might be a great guy who can make chicks laugh and shit but I'm never picking up Emma Stone or Anna Kendrick because they will require men of equal status.
So I think his question is valid enough as (let's be real) most women probably aren't going to be interested in dudes who have lower status. Harsh but I just think it's the truth. Personally I wouldn't expect a female lawyer to be interested in a lower paid fridge fixer. But like you said, people are complex and apart from a few paragraphs, we know nothing else about the characters in his story.
Maybe you're right.
Some people are very concerned with social status, it kind of sounds like OP is. Personally I have a very difficult time looking at the world in terms of gains and losses, what others can do for me, etc, so it's kind of hard to imagine what kind of world that would look like.
That is a good direct answer tho, for sure. It gives a potentially reasonable answer. But I've met enough people to know it doesn't work for a statistically significant part of the population. So I'd still encourage OP to develop a human friendship and ask haha
[–]DaygameCoach 4 points5 points6 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You don't understand how attraction works with women. It's about how he makes her feel. He isn't beneath her because how much money people make is not the judge of how good a person someone is (or how well he runs attraction with women). Plenty of horrible people that treat women badly make good money.
Plus, you are judgmental (and entitled and jealous), something women don't like. Can't you be happy for her because she found someone who makes her happy?
Don't worry, you'll find a nice gold or status digger. :)
[–]rawrheatherrawr21313 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
As a female attorney who is also getting a ms finance many could say that by dating a guy who is a construction worker is below me. However, degrees do not indicate intelligence, if a person can keep up with what I'm talking about I'm ok dating them. I want someone who doesn't bore me, is fun to be around, helps me forget the stress of my job, is driven and takes pride in his work... these will always matter more than status to me.
Trying to be as objective as possible, I find him to be the complete opposite of myself.
You cannot be trying that hard to be objective if you are overlooking the objective facts here: she is currently with the other guy and not you. That's objective. Opinions about your relative value to this other guy are subjective -- very subjective.
Less about this specific situation and more about your approach to life in general, I recommend that you start accepting the portion of objective reality that you cannot change (these two people are together) and start focusing on changing the objective reality that you do have control over (you).
If your goal is to seduce this woman, then you are off to a terrible start by getting all judge-y about her current boyfriend. To properly seduce a woman in a relationship, her boyfriend needs to kind of not exist. Your presence should make him disappear from her mind.
[–]beehappier 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Women like fun and sensitivity. Maybe the guy has game.
[–]Pm_MeyourManBoobs 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I hate to say it but I don't have my shit together but I date lots of female lawyers. I don't think that everyone is looking for Power or Success, or however you define seduction. I know I am fun and I can have a good time with almost anyone. I enjoy being around successful women, not because of what they could give me, but because I enjoy the conversation and their complexities. Don't be jealous, live your own life and take more chances. Maybe she doesn't think you are interested. And by the way, just because she is seeing someone doesn't mean you can't ask her out.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Perhaps he is fun to be around and good in the sack. That's all it takes.
© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.created by /u/dream-hunter
[–]Broboaticus 7 points8 points9 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]JustAGoodDude1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Broboaticus 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Broboaticus 4 points5 points6 points (15 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (12 children) | Copy Link
[–]Broboaticus 2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Broboaticus 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Broboaticus 1 point2 points3 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Broboaticus 1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Broboaticus 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Broboaticus -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Broboaticus 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]thawrestla 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Broboaticus 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]DaygameCoach 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]rawrheatherrawr21313 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]beehappier 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Pm_MeyourManBoobs 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link