I'm simply bad at this

samn212 · 2016-01-29T22:49:42+00:00

Just stumbled onto this subreddit and saw your post and I feel I can relate in some ways. I'm a 29 year old college student, friendly, good looking (enough that girls want to talk to me a lot), and when I was your age I had a lot of the same problems/mindset when it came to picking up women. Since then I have vastly improved and I have some tips that will hopefully help you step it up to hanging out with some cuties.

First, I want to say that it's great that you are taking yourself out of your shell and forcing yourself to try to get numbers. Getting experience and feeling comfortable in doing it is key to being successful, just like anything. Confidence is attractive in everyone and the less awkward you are coming off the better. I think you should forget about the girl you are crushing hard on and have texted a few times. Don't completely forget her but at least put her on the back burner and don't make any more moves right now. Just chill out and don't text her again. She has communicated several times that she isn't interested. She didn't tell you off completely which means she must think you are at least a nice, well intentioned guy but it's not worth pursuing. Even if you are willing to hang out as just friends it really isn't worth it. If you have feelings for her then your friendship will most likely become complicated and only end in heartache for you. The impression that I get was that she wasn't interested in hanging out at all and was just letting you know that she isn't interested in a nice, passive (albeit irritating) way. This happens from time to time and isn't a big deal but you should learn to recognize it. Your approach in that situation was too strong and may have put her off. You put the ball completely in her court with that one and even if she may have said yes in a different situation, you put her on the spot and may have freaked her out into auto-rejecting you. Since you see her in class, just keep maintaining that sort of casual relationship with her while seeming somewhat aloof. If she becomes interested in the future then she will surely let you know but don't push it too much.

This brings me to my second point which is that you need to adjust your mindset. You mention that you aren't attracted to every girl you see and don't give them the time of day if you aren't. I used to be the same way but since then I have opened myself up to lots of people and learned that I'm attracted to way more people than I thought. In a sense you are defeating yourself, giving yourself an excuse not to talk to more women, and closing doors that you don't need to be closing. Stop that! You lack experience with women and the best way to get better is to get that experience. Open your mind and yourself to others and you will find that you are not only attracted to way more people than you thought but that you are better at communicating with those women you do find attractive. If a cute girl sees you chatting it up and being gregarious with other girls it will let her know that you are not only approachable but an interesting person with a lot of options. They will want to talk to you and have a chance at being the option you choose. Talking to everyone, even those you wouldn't want to form a deep relationship(or short term sexual relationship) with can only have positive effects for you. Your goal is to create as many opportunities as possible without expectations.

In the same vein of the openness mindset I would say that you should try to foster control over your situation. This goes back to putting the ball completely in your crush's court. When you approached her that way you went all in, laid all of your cards on the table. She still had all of her cards in her hand and you didn't need to go all in. By doing this you gave her the decision to decide what to do. This idea also plays in to the girl with the water. When she offered you one her waters she didn't really care whether you took it or not but she WAS making it clear that she wanted to talk more. Train yourself to be consciously more aware of these situations so that you can take better advantage of them. If a girl starts talking to you in a situation like that it means she is interested in talking more (obviously). This gives you an in to continue the conversation naturally and it doesn't have to be complicated at all. "That's a lot of water, planning on crossing a desert sometime soon?" is a good start. It might sound lame or whatever but it demonstrates that you are original, funny, creative, and sets the tone for a light, easy conversation. Maybe it's tough for you to come up with something witty at all in the moment and if that's the case, "That's a lot of water you're buying" has about the same effect. Let the conversation progress naturally and if you find yourself interested in her then make little cute, flirtatious hints in your conversation without being overly aggressive. This will come naturally after a while but it involves listening well, complimenting her in a non-threatening way, "Really, you have been told you look like Scarlett Johansson? Ehhh I guess I can see it a little. You have prettier eyes though." This may not be the best example but finding opportunities to compliment her and let her know you are interested is important. It involves being aware of her and listening well. If the conversation is going well then she will present opportunities for you and it will just flow. Doing this doesn't imply that you have expectations but still lets her know you are into her. Finally, make an exit WITHOUT asking for her number (unless your conversation turned into a mind blowing 3 hour chat about how much you have in common, use your best discretion). "I have to go meet up with a friend. Maybe I'll see you at the vending machine again sometime." This part is great because there aren't expectations for hanging out again but you made it known that you liked talking and wouldn't be against it again. It also gives her the opportunity to say something like, "Why wait until the next time we're at the vending machine, what are you doing later?" Even if her response is more along the lines of, "I'd like that. See you next time at the vending machine." It still lets you know that she had a good time talking too and would be into it again. Doing this will make it easier to talk with her again next time you see her around. She will leave thinking that you are a nice, cute dude that she liked talking to.

Place value in yourself and your time and women will be all over you trying to be a part of what you have going on for yourself. Treat every situation with transience and without expectations, just have fun and be yourself while being sociable. If you are capable of doing that it won't matter if you fail because you have lots of options, women will want to be part of your fun and feel comfortable in knowing that you don't expect to marry them on the second date. Eventually you will find someone that you click really well with and the way to be will feel natural for both of you. In the meantime develop yourself, your social skills with women, be wary of committing yourself to one person, and most importantly enjoy yourself.

The Takeaway:

Chill out : This should be your mantra always. When thinking about texting her again after no response, chill out. When you're about to ask for her number after 2 minutes of conversation, chill out. Just as a general rule, chill the fuck out.
Develop yourself, feel good about yourself, and be comfortable in your own skin. Women will find this very attractive.
Pay attention! Develop good listening skills, watch her body language. If she laughs and pushes you or physically touches you after you say something then she's into you a lot. If she has her arms crossed/in her pockets, is looking at her phone the whole time or something similar then it's a no go. The same goes for you, remain in an open stance and with good posture, avoid putting your hands in your pockets, crossing arms etc.
Transcience : Be willing and ok with walking away at any point. Brush everything off your shoulders like it isn't a big deal. You want to remain cool headed and centered at all times. It would be great if you went and had sex 2 mins after meeting but if it doesn't happen it's no big deal and you move on because you know other opportunities exist and all it takes is one successful one. This will simultaneously make failing easier to stomach and be attractive to her because she can feel comfortable knowing that it's all just about a good time with no expectations whatsoever. It will keep you safe while also allowing something meaningful to arise from your fun if it happens to occur naturally.
Just do it : Talk to women a lot, even if you aren't initially attracted to them. Nothing has to come of it but it will give you valuable experience which will come in handy when you meet that one girl you are really into. Who knows, you might make a few female friends along the way too.

This ended up being pretty long but I hope it was helpful. This stuff has worked wonders for me. I would also recommend checking out that post called, "How To Pick Up Girls & Get A Girlfriend - Fundamentals Every Man Needs To Know! (two hours)"
I watched the first 20 minutes and it turns out he's saying a lot of what I'm saying, he almost definitely knows more about it than I do.

Anyway, be yourself, have fun, and best of luck meeting awesome people!

Turlast · 2016-01-29T21:25:17+00:00

Sounds like you need to learn how to get out of your own way.

CrushHazard · 2016-01-29T23:32:09+00:00

As I said on the other thread, awareness! You need to be in a state of communion with the world and the people around you!

I have pretty serious anxiety as well. All that means is that it will be harder for you to behave in a socially acceptable way in public, but it's never impossible. If you dedicate your life to it, you may end up being better than the "normal" people.

Put in the work. Surprise yourself. It sounds like you have a pretty good idea of what needs to change, so just do it!

Title	I'm simply bad at this
Author	GrowPls
Upvotes	2
Comments	4
Date	January 29, 2016 3:36 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/439a06/im_simply_bad_at_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/im-simply-bad-at-this.1401487 https://theredarchive.com/post/1401487

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