One and a half years after my last relationship, still caring and worrying about my ex-partner, has gotten me analysing the concept of a good guy dilemma. What I mean by a good guy dilemma is whether a man should accept woman’s needs first and then try to fulfill those needs to the extent that the woman will be wanting to give back as much to make sure that the guy shall continue contributing or shall a man first make sure that his needs are fulfilled to make sure that he will be satisfied with the relationship.

In first case, where the man is contributing unconditionally, the woman should be more satisfied partner - she will not be the one ending the relationship and if she is smart and strong enough, she will make sure that the man would find also his needs met. For this kind of relationship to last, it would need either of the two: the woman to be wise enough to keep the man happy and/or a man willing to accept that his needs and hopes are often unfulfilled. Wise woman would ofcourse be the preferable case for most men since renunciation of pleasure is often not easy to do. Also the question of “Why?” would probably enter into most people’s mind in that kind of situation. Why should you invest in something that does not have a really good return in a form of pleasure?

In the second case, where the man would seek his own pleasure first, the man would logically be the more satisfied partner in the precondition that he is able to make sure that the woman is contributing to the maximum extent. If he is unable to get the woman contributing, he will move on and/or change the approach on influencing the woman’s behaviour. This would result in a man moving forward until he is able to find someone, who will be willing to contribute to his well-being to the extent he will be satisfied with. For this to happen and for this kind of relationship to last, it would need either of the two: woman, who finds that the man is giving her back enough, or a woman who will be willing to accept that her needs and hopes are often unfulfilled. For a man this approach would probably be more likely to maximize his pleasure as the unfulfilling (for him) relationships would be short and the ones, where his needs are met would either last because above-mentioned reasons or the women would end them.

This analysis would suggest that the second strategy would be preferable of the two for maximising the pleasure of self. Also it seems that both strategies could result in a relationship, where neither of the partners has to renounce their needs in extent that would make them unsatisfied. Good communication and conveying of both partners needs would result in raising probability of such successful relationship.

Whether the aim should be maximising pleasure is another question entirely and I will not go into analysing it.

Thoughts?