Hey guys,

A major problem I hear about from friends and guys on reddit is that they don't know how to message/text. From my experiences using dating apps and texting with girls, I think more often than not, guys are over-thinking things and need to refocus on what's most important: creating comfort through conversation which should ultimately lead to you asking them out on a real date. How do you build comfort?

Here's a blurb from my most recent (and free for a few days) eBook on how to convert matches from dating apps to real dates:

First, match and use one of the openers discussed. Hopefully this generates a response, and you follow-up with another question related to her answer. Think of this phase as a friendly tennis match. You ask a question, she answers (and hopefully asks one of her own), and you do the same. Rinse and repeat, going back and forth with answers and new questions. Meanwhile, without anyone realizing, the comfort meter is slowly rising. She’s learning more and more about you, she’s seeing that you can hold a conversation, and she’s starting to think “this guy is pretty easy to talk to, I like him”.

Now your next question should be “Ok, that’s great, but how do I actually do this?” Well, I can't spell out exactly what they will respond with or exactly what you should say in response to that, but I can tell you that a great way to keep the conversation going naturally is to really listen to what the other person is saying, then pick a specific point from their answer and probe further into that.

For example:

“My day went well, I finally got my assignment done!” “That’s awesome, what class was the assignment for?”

“My favorite type of food is probably Italian, you?” “Can’t argue with that, which Italian dish is your favorite? Mine is Mexican”

Bottom line: listen to/read their answer and probe further into a specific detail of it.

Keep the conversation flowing with good, simple questions

In order to keep the conversation going and continue to create comfort, it is often up to the guy. Luckily it isn’t very difficult. Focus on questions that are shorter and easier to answer. Great questions are ones about what their favorite hobbies are, what type of work or school they are doing/have done in the past, whether they are enjoying those things, and if they have any exciting plans coming up. These are all simple, friendly and avoid awkward topics.

A good guideline for beginners is to pick a topic (her school, a hobby, etc.), and ask 3-5 questions on it (can be more or less depending on the answers/how passionate she is about the topic) before moving on to another subject or letting her ask about you. Use who/what/when/where/why/how.

So for example: “So you said you really like hiking?”“What’s your favorite thing about it?”“Where’s your favorite place to hike?”“Who do you go with?”

Make sure to let her answer a question fully before asking another one or adding your own comments. Also, you don’t want it to sound like an interview. Add in some personalization or details from previous answers, and allow her to shift the conversation towards you for a bit when the time comes.

For example: “So you said you really like hiking?”“That’s awesome, what’s your favorite thing about it?”“You said you’ve been to trail X, but where’s your favorite place to hike?”“Oh cool, who do you usually go with?”

Again, the goal here is not to have the most eye-opening conversation in the world, although getting into some deeper questions can be fun and helpful. The ultimate goal, especially if you’re inexperienced with talking to women, is to create and build comfort to continue towards setting up a date.

If you aren’t good at this yet, remember that dating apps aren’t face-to-face. Practice by picking a topic and writing out 5-10 questions you could ask about it, then keep them close by for real conversations with matches. Soon you’ll get better at coming up with questions on the fly and creating comfort will be second nature.

A common question I hear is: what if she doesn’t answer one of my questions? First, don’t panic. Some girls/people are slow at responding to messages or may not be getting the notifications. Especially on dating apps, make sure to give them at least a day or two before getting worried. If they don’t answer, it’s probably because they either forgot/didn’t notice the notification, or are not interested in continuing the conversation.

If you want to keep the conversation going and you’ve waited a day or two, I’d suggest either re-starting the conversation with another Opener, or make an innocent tease at the fact that they haven’t answered (for example, “looks like someone likes playing hard to get :P”).

If they are still interested, they will respond and you can pick the conversation back up. If they don’t, move on. There will be other matches, and you are a confident man with abundance in your life. Don’t forget that.

If you liked what you read and want to grab the entire eBook on how to convert dating app matches to real dates (for FREE for the next few days), check it out here: https://www.amazon.com/Dating-Apps-Step-Step-Getting-ebook/dp/B01NAD23Z1/

thanks!