I read the recent post about tinder and thought that since there is no generic way to get dates on Tinder I would share what has been successful for me on the app.

When I first started using tinder, I wasn't sure how to go about getting dates. The general consensus is that you need to try and get out of tinder and onto whatsapp or text msging as soon as possible. I think although this is a good goal, it shouldn't dictate your interactions.

I am 30 and so my style and game-plan will be much different from that of a 23 year old. It all boils down to what you want out of your interactions. Different people have different goals. Some just want to get laid as soon as possible. This is perfectly fine and you will want to use a different strategy if that is your goal. I want to go on a date, enjoy myself and make a meaningful connection with the person I am with. If things go extremely well I may even go back to her place or mine that night, but usually I wait for the second or third date. This fits with my personality, which is a bit introverted and not an in-your-face alpha male, and this way I have several girls who keep coming back for more, week after week and who I feel good spending my time with.

As far as choosing profile pictures try and implement things that reflect you as a person. I like to paint for example and have a picture of one of my paintings. It is a very dark painting but it is a reflection of my style. Think of things that can make her comment on one of your pictures. For example if you like rock-climbing you can have a picture of that time you went rock-climbing in the Pyrenees and you will have something to talk about if she asks you about it. You want to make it as easy as possible to include talking points in your photos. I am not an extremely good looking guy, but I manage to go on about three dates a week if my schedule allows it.

I am not picky when swiping and will swipe 80~90% of the time. However, I only message girls who I am attracted to. This is about 30~40% of the people I match with. Now, what message to send? I tried a lot of one-liners and openers in the beginning and this seemed to lead to very superficial interactions and even if they led to dates there wasn't much of an initial connection that we had made. I experimented with several things and in the end what worked for me was to comment on part of her bio or a picture. Don't overthink it, and leave room open for her to correct you. For instance take a look at this photo, this girl had no bio. What would you send as a first message?

Me: Hey [name] you seem like you are contemplating something deeply, looking out into the Swedish sunset.

Notice that I say Swedish here to let her correct me and I will often use something like this 'are you smoking in a Swedish forest?' etc. and she will say yeah I am but it is actually Spain. Then I will have something to talk about when we meet. Anyway this is how the rest of the conversation went:

Her: Hah I was but not in Sweden :) How are you doing?

Me: I see.. where is that then?

Her: Iceland. Beautiful artwork btw :)

Me: Iceland.. nice! So jealous. Thanks...do you like going to art exhibitions?

Her: Yes, I do. I go to exhibitions from time to time. Have you seen something good lately?

Me: That's nice, I've been meaning to go to [Gallery name]. Have you been?

Her: No I haven't. Do you want to go together one time?

Me: Yes, How does next Wednesday sound to you?

...set up time... ask for number

I usually set up a date and then ask for the number. In fact I don't ask for the number directly but say: 'Okay, do you use whatsapp?..it will be easier to communicate there.' And they will give me their number even if they don't use whatsapp. This particular conversation was short, and usually they are somewhat longer and for example if a girl says she is a book nerd, I will talk about books with her and then suggest we meet at a bookstore/cafe. The usual time it takes me to set up a date is around 30~60 minutes of back and forth texting. I don't try and be sexual in my messages, and just try to set up logistics. That is what works for me. There is no generic way how to do things. Try to find what best suits your own personality and also think about what you are trying to achieve from your interactions. I get much more of a kick having girls fall for me rather than have a one-night stand.