I'm decent at getting women into bed. Thing is, that's really not what I'm looking for anymore. I'm in my late 30's and emotional connection and mutual trust is what I'm really after at this point in my life. I'm tired of hooking up before getting to know someone, then finding out that I'm more into her or she's more into me and the inevitable fallout from that. Each time I hook up with someone just to hook up, it's less and less fulfilling as an end in itself.

So, getting in touch with what I really want, if I could create the perfect scenario, would be meeting a woman where there is mutual interest, but we commit to getting to know each other outside the bedroom and creating an emotional bond before deciding whether to take things further.

I guess my fear is losing that spark by taking things slow and/or coming off as not confident. Part of how I've always gotten girls is through a light, carefree attitude, no emotional pressure, so this feels far more vulnerable for me to right up front be like "I have needs, I want something real." How do you communicate that while you're just getting to know someone? Seems pretty heavy and maybe too much pressure to put on something new.

I also see how it could be pretty attractive if done right, and it could also help weed out those who aren't looking for the same depth of connection.

Anyone with experience with this kind of approach? So much I've read and seen is on how to show interest and get a girl to the bedroom ASAP, but has anyone had success with platonic dating/establishing friendship first?