It took me a while to realize this. But as much as I loved her. She was also super awful in so many ways. Which is fine if she's willing to work on it and we both fix our shit together. But she doesn't want to. And the sooner I accepted that the sooner I let my mind open up to the possibilities of my future.

for a long time since this divorce has started I've felt so much shame and self hatred. And I realized through work that I'm way too hung up on someone that never had what it took to make this work in the first place. I was just young and naive enough to believe we had the same values.

Yeah I fucked up to. It wasn't just her I coulda shoulda woulda been better at a lot of things. The fact is I'm the only one willing to try. So I might as well stop.

Yesterday I did. I bartend. I meet people all day long. I got numbers from some total hotties last night after I stopped caring about all this bullshit I can't control. The what ifs. The grieved future. I was just present.

Brothers. There's hope for us. I meet em everyday. Men like us who got a fresh start with a wonderful woman after a terrible divorce. And they've been all different ages. So chin up. Focus on yourself. And let good shit happen to you. You deserve it.