I'll try and summarize a complex situation. Married in same place in California 28 years, Sole breadwinner for 26 of those years, Father for almost 15 with 3 kids now 14, 10, and 10. Grew apart from spouse, filed for divorce last year hoping for a DIY, cost-effective process because we were always very friendly in spite of marital challenges. We sold our house just after I filed and split the proceeds 50/50. So far, so good. Several months later I received a letter saying she was asking for Sole Custody and to move the kids across the country citing emotional abuse and that some other city was better than where they grew up(no concrete reason to back that up).

Besides being a loving and involved father, I have been the Primary Caregiver for them since covid. That means I've managed wake up, bedtime, all meals, to and from school, homework, etc. I am EXTREMELY close to my kids and have no history nor would ever think of touching my kids in a harmful way. So you can imagine how shocked and then outraged I was that she could just request and assert all this BS. But then came the worst part. I was told that the Court actually had to entertain all her assertions and that I had to pay $100k+ to defend myself.... So she didn't win anything at the tentative hearing. We still have joint custody and nobody's gone anywhere. I'm now out $200k and thinking about what I can do to end this tragedy. In my initial response I asked for Joint custody to take the high road but am now considering refiling for sole custody. I would really appreciate any thoughts or suggestions as to how I can end this nightmare. Also, we bought the house with funds from a separate trust that was set up for me well before I got married. I'm hoping a separate property claim might also give me some leverage. Many thanks !