So, I’ve had this obsessive thought of getting a decent girlfriend before giving my full dedication to other goals in life. I started to give it the best I could 4 years ago, starting with telling my crush that I loved her, she dissed me. I wanted to prove to myself and others around me that I was good enough to be boyfriend material without any kind of over the top success. I wanted to feel acceptance.

This obsessive thought mainly sprunged from the fact that I am extremely short. Only about 1 in 5000 is my height(5′0 - 5′1) in the country where I’m born and I see myself as somewhat of a freak, as it’s kind of true. It hasn’t been a complete failure. I’ve had plenty of occasional hookups, two relationship with women who were way older than me and one not-so-serious relationship with a girl who I loved but who didn’t love me back, we lived together for about a week and did stuff couples do, began refering to eachother as a legit couple, but she still said she didn’t love me.

I’m now 24 years old. My fear is the fact that I didn’t get to where I wanted will affect my self-esteem for the rest of my life. I know that self-esteem and self-love shouldn’t be dependent on how others treat you, but it’s easier said than done to create those emotions. But I just feel like I have to move on now.

Many people will probably tell me that the chances that I'll succeed over night is very slim anyways, but I've put a lot of time into learning and collecting financial resources over the past years. It may sound arrogant, and it probably is pretty arrogant, but I think my chances of hitting a homerun quite quick actually is pretty high.

I know there are other ways around this insecurity to feel accepted, eg. dating a girl who's also extremely short. It's just the fact that I failed which annoyed me, it feels like it's the first thing in life where I have truly failed and I hate it.

I don't have any more time to think that I need to have a girlfriend before I become succesful. Is it right to just let it go or will this insecurity affect me for the rest of my life if I don't deal with it before I move on with other things in life?