Ok. So I was out with some people tonight, and I got a big fat dose of reality. Girl I have an on/off crush on had been drinking, and was obviously interested in this other guy we know who was visiting from out of town. She was literally following the guy around, touching him a lot, and kept on glancing over at him when he wasn't looking. I'm not super bummed, just a bit annoyed, and it was eye opening as I haven't gone to bars to hang out with people who drink a lot in a long time (pre-seddit). And tonight people drank. A LOT. Except me, because I basically don't drink.

Which brings me to my first thing as an observer. The power of alcohol. Like most substances, it seems to shift people's energy/wavelength. I went through a phase where I drank a lot for a few months, and even people who knew me said I was a lot more silly when I was drunk.

Now the reason I don't drink is because my body is quite sensitive compared to most people's, and I get really bloody bad hangovers. So I stopped after my little drinking patch. But I am finding that the way most people connect and hook up is when there is alcohol involved. Heck, even with my ex, the only reason I found out that she was super into me was because she got shitfaced and it was so obvious she was into me that three people told me at different points in the evening.

But yeah, it's been my eternal struggle as a sober guy, when people get past a certain point and the only way you can "sync" with them, is if you're drunk (at least in my experience, I hope someone can prove me wrong). It's usually why I don't hang out much with my friends who like to drink and party. (Another reason is that I usually end up feeling a bit crap afterwards, because I am the guy who doesn't cut loose at these kind of events, and then I see what I'm missing out because of it, but I just don't want to drink).

Which I guess leads me to my first question: how do I get into that same "space" as someone who has been drinking without drinking myself?

Second question relates to playfulness. Now I am quite a serious human. My father was physically abusive towards my mother when I was younger, and he was very violent at times in general. I don't know if that's going anything to do with the fact that until my early 20s, I thought hugs were weird. I got over it and now they feel pretty natural to me, but I still don't break touch barriers unless someone is really upset, or there is a VERY obvious green light for me to move forward. Now something I've noticed is that the guys who have the most success tend to be physically playful with girls. Poking them. Getting in their space. Messing with their things. I saw it tonight, and I've seen it before.

My problem with girls has always been that once I get some basic IOIs (note: I also realised that guys who are physically playful CREATE ioi's in women), I tend to go from 0 to 100 (no physical touch to straight out kissing a girl), or ask to close the gap verbally (I cringe about how I once asked a girl if I could hold her hand because she was eye fucking me hard). It has thankfully, never ended badly, even though I have misread a couple of situations, or occasionally killed attraction (I guess you could say in that case it did end badly). I feel like I could better work a girl up if I master this whole playful touching thing.

Which leads me to my second question: as a naturally serious guy (when it comes to relationships), how do I become more physically playful? Do I just need to find excuses to "practice" on my female friends? People already know me as a guy who isn't touch feely, so this might get weird. Any suggestions?