Hello friends I am back. It's been a while and this has been an important topic to me this week so I figured I'd share it with you guys: communication.

Literally the single most important thing in all human relationships. I literally cannot stress this enough. Here's a few examples of what happened this week with my own father and ex of 2 years:

Pops: Back in the day we used to go at each other's throats I'm talking almost boxing. The other day I heard he was very upset with me and felt that I was unappreciative so I called and apologized for the way he felt and said that I had no idea that this had been going on. I told him that moving forward if there is anything that he thinks I'm doing wrong to just talk to me. See guys a lot of times people make things way worse in their heads without actually thinking things through. He had been very upset and I literally had no F'n idea. Communication and good communication is so incredibly important. Had I not done this I might have called and asked for something and it could've blown up into a big fight because one person perceived something different than the other.

Ex: Had a long talk today, still good friends and love each other very much but know it will never work out (see soulmates vs life partners awesome read). She thinks that I never tried hard to work on the relationship and I told her that how could I if the foundation of trust was never set. So to her she was trying but doing the wrong things (love languages another good read) and I just wanted her to not lie about little things. She finally agreed and we got back to joking around.

Picture it this way. When communication is bad its just two people rabbling at each other thinking of the next thing to say without actually hearing what the other is saying. And they're doing the same thing to you. How can you expect someone to change or fix something if they aren't receiving the message. Now you have these talks and each time it doesn't get better since no one is getting the others message but the frustration continues to mount until boom big fight and either it's over or a catalyst for the relationship being over.

Communication is the single most important thing in any human to human relationship remember that. Now how do we get better at it? Here's some ideas:

*Listen-like actually listen to what they have to say without getting defensive or thinking of your next attack. Put yourself in their shoes and try and empathize what you would feel if they did that to you. And don't BS it either.

*When they're done say "Ok so I heard you and I think that's fair. Let me repeat it back to you to make sure I'm getting this right <repeat> correct? if they say no have them explain until you understand. Then say I get it that makes sense if I were you I'd feel <certain way>. Now their guard is down. They feel heard and didn't get attacked.

*Whether you do that or not make it a conscious effort not to do that. Some people are crazy and no matter what you do it won't matter. Nothing can change that. But most people will be happy they got to you.

*Now say can you please try and understand my idea? This should be me and you versus the problem not each other. Explain yourself and how you would feel. Try and get them to put themselves in YOUR shoes. make them repeat it back to you and how they would feel.

*Figure out a way, code word whatever to let each other know when you're doing the thing that the other doesn't like. Always say it in a friendly way as opposed to a condescending or petty way. "Hey remember when we talked and I said it made me feel this way? I see this headed in that direction and I don't want us to fight. I'm not upset but I just wanted to let you know before it gets carried away. I hope I haven't done anything to spur that." Then have a light hearted convo.

*Always apologize and admit when you're wrong. What's the worst that could happen? They say yeah you POS YOU WERE. okay who cares? they'll feel like shit for saying that. People want others to fight with them so they can be mean, if you agree the air in them gets deflated and they calm down.

Pretty soon it will be second nature. This won't always work. Some people will never change and expect it from you. But I've seen even the worst change so theirs hope. Just remember that everyone thinks and feels different what might seem as a brush off to you might mean the world to the other person and as long as you're always open and honest and keep it versus the topic rather than each other life will always be cheesy.

Couple of other ideas to help with good communication: * ask the other person periodically if you're doing well (as with all of these and most seddit advice don't do this too much, don't come off as needy just be genuine- hey I was thinking about our talk a few weeks ago have I stepped it up? ok good :) ) * when texting remember people read things differently than you type it (check out that key and peele skit its awesome) if you say something that might come off as accusatory or rude always follow up by saying don't read it in that tone it's not intended that way. *Always be honest for the love of God don't lie. *Sometimes you have to take the first step and then show them that you're serious about changing for them but won't do so if they refuse to take the next step. Convince them that you are a fucking team versus the world.

I'm pretty awful at organizing my thoughts so apologies in advance :|