Where did i goof?

terryomys · 2014-11-23T22:58:14+00:00

"X, are you busy this weekend? Lets do something this weekend." i said. The entire time she was walking away, & didn't make eye contact, i assumed whatever, she's a shy girl

No. You don't want this. Shy or not, that's her brushing you off right at the start. You do not want that. You want to grab eye contact with her, you want her 'Yes' or 'Sure' to be while you're looking into her eyes, both of you standing still. Getting this to happen is more important with a shy girl, getting eye contact with her at that moment can earn you some serious bonus points with a shy girl and get the interaction sticking in her mind more. I love shy girls, they respond so well when you play it right.

If you can't manage to get eye contact at the moment of asking her out no matter what, take it as a sign she is not interested at that moment and it's not the time to ask her out. But don't drop it so quickly, be assertive in getting her to stop and talking to you.

You have either been rejected, or she's fucking around. Either way, the way you proceed is the same. You ignore her for now. Next time you can manage to get her to stand still and get eye contact with her, I would personally say something along the lines of "So 2.30 Saturday wasn't good for you then. How about 6pm this Wednesday?". (assuming it was Saturday, whatever)

That's if I wanted to try and get something going with this girl, if I wasn't that interested in her I wouldn't put myself through the bother. Since you seem to particularly "fancy" her and want to lose your virginity, I don't think there's harm in giving it another go. Some may tell you to not bother at all, that asking again may seem desperate - I personally do not think you need to worry about this too much right now with this particular girl. I think it is okay for you to give it another go if you particularly wanted this girl in the first place, I don't think asking again would do you any long term harm. You say you have already built up a good rapport with her, and you're young enough to try again right now and take it on the chin if it ends up being a mistake.

But don't let her walk away from you this time.

Lessons: You want the moment you ask her out to be something that stands out in her day. A firm moment. You need to be a real presence in that moment. You are important. That's how it needs to be, you need to show that this is important for her, that you bothering to ask her out isn't something she can just brush off with a flutter of her eyelashes. You are doing her a favour showing your interest, and so you deserve her to be engaged. You do not want to be a fleeting voice as she walks away and doesn't even look at you. That does not set you up the way you want - need - to be set up in her eyes.

Texting to confirm date details is a great thing, but for it to be a great thing you need more than just a passing 'Sure'. You need her fully engaged when you tell her you're going to text her the details. This time though, since she ignored your text, don't mess about with that - confirm the details when you next see her.

spoetnick · 2014-11-23T23:11:34+00:00

You were a orbiter of this girl and now you want to date her. This is a big change and while it could work out, it usually doesn't. The new you should look for new chicks to approach and re-evaluate what he gets out of the current relationship with the 'young lady you fancy'.
While I don't know this girl, i'd say that in general when a girl walks away while you try to set a date would be a rejection. No eye contact and not a firm confirmation of the date would back this up. Her not even having the decency to give you a reply doesn't bode all to well either.
One should keep working on his frame and mentality. I'd say stop putting energy in this girl, that might be the only thing to make her come around. If she doesn't, at least you won't be spending your valuable time on a failing project.

*The lessons here would be; Don't have oneitis, don't think half a answer is any sort of answer, the nice shy girl can be just as much of a bitch as the next girl when you stop being her orbiter.

Few more things you could consider in the future. If you tell a girl you text her the details, don't ask for confirmation. If she can't make it she will tell you and will probably come up with a alternative. If she likes you she will try to make room in her schedule for you. If you ask if this time is ok you lay the initiative with her.

Also, if you approach and go out with the idea of losing your virginity, you place yourself in a position where you are needy. Needing something gives the lady leverage and you don't want that. Remember that any girl can take your virginity. Keep the whole 'abundance mentality' in mind.

Good luck mate!

Title	Where did i goof?
Author	Jimmypickles
Upvotes	2
Comments	11
Date	November 23, 2014 10:33 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2n7dqu/where_did_i_goof/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/where-did-i-goof.143910 https://theredarchive.com/post/143910

Comments