So, I've read a lot from Mark Manson, including the articles on his site and the book Models.

If I'm going to be honest, what I want beside attracting amazing women is respect from people around me. I want them to see me as a facinating and interesting, funny and charming guy.

I get that all naturals instinctively follow the principles from Models. My entire life I've seen these people and want to become one of them. I get that it's all about vulnerability, opening up and exposing yourself AND doing so with the right intentions (i.e. not trying to impress, or to give people a false picture of you). But I find it so fucking hard.

Today I met some a large group of friends to do some sports. I was trying to be vulnerable, to come up with interesting things to say, to give compliments, etc. But I felt so strange, like I was being super imposing and that people would see me as weird. I think it's because I had the wrong intentions. I did and said all those things so that my friends would think of me in a new way.

On Mark's site, this article says:

"When it comes to being non-needy, if you are trying to be non-needy so you can be more attractive, then you’re paradoxically being needy. I know that sentence probably made your brain explode, so let’s try it again.

You should adopt non-needy behaviors because you care about yourself and want to improve yourself. Attracting women should be a side-effect of that desire."

I think I'm TRYING to be vulnerable (without genuinly being so) in order to get people to think of me in some way. That's why I feel weird and it doesn't go well. I'm not being vulnerable because I don't genuinly want to improve, and I don't have a genuine desire to invest in myself.

This seriously makes my brain go "GAAAAHHGHHDFHDFG". What the fuck am I supposed to do? Am I stuck being the low status guy without women in my life? I'm feeling so fucking lost and desperate.

Sorry for this huge post, but I could really need some help. Preferably from someone who "gets" Models and perhaps have been taking that journey themselves.