I think I may need professional psychological help. Any members have xp with an actual therapist? Ive tried self help books and audiobooks but they only work temporarily.

Cliffs: currently undergrad, last year in school (In Top 10 Uni). Majoring in philosophy, but I am beginning to hate the subject since its so abstract and irrelevant to my life.

I have no idea what I want to do anymore after school (wanted to be a clinical neuro-psychologist, but rethinking my options now since academia seems so bland and I cant stand 90% of the people here.)

I'm starting to strongly dislike my current job. I work as a behavior therapist for kids with autism. I love the feeling of helping them, but it is also incredibly draining and leaves me with little to no creative energy. I feel like I am simply maintaining at my job instead of creating/expanding.

My family has broken apart. Dad regressed to alcoolism and has left my mom for another woman (his original wife from before I was conceived), and he is now trying to obtain the home that him and my mother bought, even though he didnt pay for most of it.

I just feel empty, bland, and depressed. I have a ton of ambition, but any time something goes wrong it all fades away and i begin to hate myself again. I have a badass car, a couple of girls who provide, decent earning for my age, i look like i lift, a band, high social status in my circle, a home (kinda) basically everything the RP advocates. Every time I think about my dad i get depressed. when i see my mom still working so much i get depressed. Theyre both in their late 50's and I am my moms only child. When i fuck up in school i hate myself. i feel like i have two identities. when im with people I know i feel great and feed off of their energies and they fed off of mine. i have plenty of friends in different social circles. but when i am alone and begin to reflect on my life i hate myself again because im not doing more. my dad shouldnt be an alcoholic, my mom should have long retired. i shouldnt have failed my midterm. i should have applied for a different job by now. my gpa is slipping from me. grad school looks unlikely financially. i dont want to be stuck in the job i have now, although im due for a promotion soon. $ is important, but i dont feel satisfied working there. It is mostly women, annoying, flakey, passive aggressive women with little follow-through. I feel like a lack of discipline at my workplace has dragged onto me and I have become more flakey, lazy and complacent. I have no real friends at school, even though I have a ton of friends outside of school. Most people here are kinda lame and antisocial. they tend to stay in their niches and since im a minority i dont have many people to hang with. i dont know why i feel like this or why im even writing here, but i guess im hoping someone can help me find out what the fuck it is thats wrong with me.

If this helps, I used to have a lot of acne so hated seeing myself in the mirror. I used to have a shit body but started working out, now almost 2 years since I began. I used to be a complete textbook beta in a poverty sex relatinship for 3+ years. My skin is now clear thanks to accutane im taking, I look like I lift and get complimented a lot, and although my ex brke up with me andi fell into a terrible depression since april, she is now contacting me and has become completely submissive and has sex with me on my terms, and actually encourages me to have other partners. After all the trp stuff ive been reading I don’t rreally care much if she has more partners either as long as shes honest. Strangely enough this has made her even more loyal. I mention this because I feel like my internal emotional state still hasn’t adapted to my external actual life circumstances. Also, I feel like I have a series of self destructive patterns engraved into my internal thought processes, and also some self-destructive patterns that I cant seem to really regulate. I have peaks and drops of emotions and motivation, a lot of times for trivial shit but there's always pretty damaging repercussions when things go bad and I hate having to play catch up for this.

I feel like I absorb way too much information from the external world and cant really process it all, so I et lost in a fixation over some trivial piece of bullshit that has nothing to do with my goals. The catch 22 is that I no longer really know what my goals in life are. Although the redpill saved me from my bitter, unhappy desperation of sexless, affectionless, ball-less complacency, I now feel outcasted in the world I have surounded myself in the past 22 years. A provider-esque job, a broken family where im in charge of repair work, an academic field without any clear direction/sense of accomplishment, etc. how can I readjust my life to fit my new frame of mind and repair the damage I have done during the transition>? If you read through all of this, thank you.