Urgent. How do I say no to going out and spending money (short term problem, see inside) without getting into an argument?

bradality · 2014-11-29T13:05:18+00:00

Why argue? Say what you want to do and do it, with or without her. If she argues, next her and move on. No point arguing.

KyfhoMyoba · 2014-11-29T14:14:19+00:00

Show some backbone:

IV. Don’t play by her rules

If you allow a woman to make the rules she will resent you with a seething contempt even a rapist cannot inspire. The strongest woman and the most strident feminist wants to be led by, and to submit to, a more powerful man. Polarity is the core of a healthy loving relationship. She does not want the prerogative to walk all over you with her capricious demands and mercurial moods. Her emotions are a hurricane, her soul a saboteur. Think of yourself as a bulwark against her tempest. When she grasps for a pillar to steady herself against the whipping winds or yearns for an authority figure to foil her worst instincts, it is you who has to be there… strong, solid, unshakeable and immovable.

HS-Thompson · 2014-11-29T17:39:56+00:00

Here's a great way to not do things that you don't want to do:

"Sorry I can't"

Don't elaborate, don't apologize, don't over explain, and don't worry about how someone else is going to react. If there's something that you can't or won't do just say "sorry I can't" and move on to the list of things you are willing to do.

vandaalen · 2014-11-29T14:46:57+00:00

Deleted

oldredder · 2014-11-29T18:17:53+00:00

1) you never need to get into an argument against your will. You can always walk

2) you can spend your money elsewhere or just say you did but you don't owe anyone any explanation of how much money you ever had or want to spend. No one is owed an answer on that.

SO in this case if the girl is expecting you to pay for shit you refuse to pay for then your only option is for her to change that expectation or for you to next her.

R4F1 · 2014-11-30T02:02:32+00:00

Just tell her you don't have time to go too far. How is just coffee or a movie not in the question?

LeggyBlueEyes · 2014-11-29T14:31:11+00:00

Since we don't know your history based on what you posted, I don't know if you even are a "couple" yet or not. But it sounds like she wants you to be and is more concerned with giving that impression so proceed with caution.

Not sure where you live, but looking at Holiday lights or even decorating a tree is something that real couples do. And it doesn't cost an arm and a leg. If she shoots down ideas such as these she's more concerned with being in a "couple" than being with you.

Edit: I just realized you said "new" girl. She's not your LTR so she shouldn't be pushing to do things as a "couple". That's her focus, not you.

[deleted] · 2014-11-29T13:05:14+00:00

If money is the issue do something for free that you can escalate with.

Title	Urgent. How do I say no to going out and spending money (short term problem, see inside) without getting into an argument?
Author	Pentdad
Upvotes	3
Comments	13
Date	November 29, 2014 12:40 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2nr4uf/urgent_how_do_i_say_no_to_going_out_and_spending/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/urgent-how-do-i-say-no-to-going-out-and-spending.144035 https://theredarchive.com/post/144035

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