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LeggyBlueEyes Archive

View 16 posts and 187 comments by LeggyBlueEyes on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

I would take this a step further and say just stop caring what other people think - unless it's someone you really respect and whose opinion you truly value. In the scenario you describe, there's no reason to either agree or disagree with the guy. You've made your decision on the topic. He should not be able to sway you or make you feel defensive of your beliefs. Nor do you need to try to convince him to change his view. Just be confident that you have made the best decision you can for yourself…
/r/TheRedPill11/12/14 05:41 PM
1

First, the fight I was speaking of I was witness to, not involved in. Second, I did not want to dictate his transition. I only wanted him to give me time for the transition as well. As I've said before, 10 years of habits do not vanish overnight. But he was unwilling to allow me the patience I have shown him over the years. To me, this just reinforces that the love only went one way in this relationship.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/12/14 02:13 PM
2

I never said I was trying to change him. I don't know where you got that. I wanted him to continue with the RP changes he had implemented for himself. When he was acting RP we were both happy. When he went beta - fighting over things that don't matter - things went downhill. But he blamed me. I can't control him and his actions should be independent of me. He has to control himself.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/12/14 01:04 PM
1

Very true. It just gives me hope I suppose. Feeling a tad pessimistic lately.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/12/14 05:17 PM
1

Thanks for this post. I needed to read that some men feel this way! I've been feeling pessimistic since my LTR ended thinking all men give up and walk away when the internal change is hard.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/12/14 12:52 PM
1

While I appreciate the honesty in TRP philosophy, and can understand the reasoning here, it is simply naive to think that there are always sufficient red flags to predict someone's behavior or that people don't actually change to become someone you no longer recognize. Just as the men here are working to improve themselves and better their judgement, so could a woman. I'm not advocating for single mothers because there are valid arguments. I'm just saying they don't always hold water.
/r/TheRedPill09/12/14 04:18 PM
2

No actually I really like the simplicity of it. While bitching and nagging are seen as annoyances I guess the reality is if she didn't care she wouldn't do those things. Similarly if men weren't attracted they wouldn't pinch and grab.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/12/14 02:54 PM
2

"We grab, pinch, rub and squeeze. They bitch, nag, whine and complain. Odd but there it is." Interesting.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/12/14 11:38 AM
5

I own my mistakes. Don't get me wrong. I was not nor claim to have been perfect. Unfortunately this turbulence, while new for me in this relationship, is almost verbatim what he described with his ex. I have only wanted him see the pattern so he can change it and have what he says he wants. Despite it all, I want him to find the happiness he's seeking.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/12/14 08:27 PM
1

All people are capable of leaving. Lets don't kid ourselves here.
/r/askTRP06/12/14 02:52 AM
1

Good luck to you. I hope she can pull herself out of the victim role. Society tends to coddle people there so it takes a level of self awareness not everyone has.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/12/14 02:08 AM
1

I'll be honest here. When I was feeling like a victim, I wanted reassurance. I wanted him to comfort me and tell me he was sorry and that he would never do it again. The problem with that, is it can become a viscous cycle of you feeling like crap and her getting validation each time she feels sorry for herself. My SO at the time (we are no longer together but this was not the reason) sat me down and said the things I recommended earlier. And then he changed. He started acting out RP philosophy. …
/r/MarriedRedPill05/12/14 09:37 PM
2

No. She doesn't get to bring it up whenever she wants. She had a decision to make on whether to stay with you and she made it. She doesn't get to keep beating you up. It's going to be hard for her at times, I get it. I've been there. But throwing it back in your face just makes you both relive it over and over. She has to learn how to handle these feelings for herself. She has to move herself out of the "poor little me victim" place. Maybe her own therapy to help her handle triggers or something…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/12/14 07:18 PM
2

I think I am investing in myself. Thanks to the workouts we were doing I'm in the best shape I've been in for a while and I'm maintaining a stricter schedule than we were even doing - because I can. I'm playing tennis still, with people other than my ex SO. And embracing the fact that I've never been single in the city where I live. Time to explore I guess. I can tend to be a homebody because I'm a homemaker at heart but I'll have more free time than I used to so I'll be able to do both. My stre…
/r/askTRP05/12/14 04:36 AM
3

"I'm guessing you haven't ever really failed at anything major in life, and are more in love with keeping that winning streak going" This is an interesting perspective and one that I think I needed to read. Thanks.
/r/askTRP05/12/14 01:23 AM
2

I agree with the above. You messed up, yes. But she can't blame you for it forever. You could sit her down and tell you see where you messed up/the situation that led to the affair whatever the scenario was and just own it. And then own the fact that you aren't going to do it again but in order for you to make that happen some things are going to be different. Tell her this is her last opportunity to get out whoever she needs to say about it and then she needs to let it go. For the sake of your …
/r/MarriedRedPill05/12/14 01:14 AM
2

Yes I agree with all of those things as well. "Chemistry" is either there or it isn't. And for me it's rare to feel that connection. I think that could be why I held on longer than I should have to a failing relationship. I gave it a try (Not tinder because I'm not on FB, for myriad reasons.) at the suggestion of my friends because they want me to get over that relationship. I want that too but I can't force it. It's going to have to happen on its own. It's not like I'm a guy who can go "bang 10…
/r/askTRP04/12/14 01:05 PM
1

I think realizing that I'm not a perfect unicorn, that I'm actually just a woman, with imperfections of my own, has put him back into anger phase. :(
/r/TheRedPill04/12/14 12:45 PM
-4

You are probably doing the same thing in the evenings that Leggy is doing while she pines over you. Wishing things would be different. Except she's not the one with the power to change them.
/r/TheRedPill03/12/14 06:32 PM
4

I don't know how to quote back to you but I will try to address a few points. I didn't need my husband for any financial security. So that was not a reason for me to stay. We have equivalent salaries. I did have the opportunity to have sex with men I was attracted to. I chose not too. I am actually in control of my emotions far more often than most women I know, and truth be told, more often than my ex husband. That was probably our biggest problem. He convinced me to let go of myself and be mor…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/14 04:12 PM
3

You could have just let me down off the pedestal. I don't bite.
/r/TheRedPill03/12/14 03:23 AM
2

I created my account less than a week ago and am ready to chuck it already. I've tried in the past with the same results. From TRP reading I'm more and more convinced that the kind of person I would be likely to be interested in won't be on there.
/r/askTRP02/12/14 10:27 PM
2

It's amazing how moderation is key in so many things! Thanks for the comment.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/12/14 07:27 PM
1

Good perspective, thanks!
/r/MarriedRedPill02/12/14 03:07 PM
1

This has only been suggested as a theory. Not yet proven, from everything I've read.
/r/TheRedPill02/12/14 12:13 PM
1

It is released when the uterus contracts with childbirth. It is also released during nursing, which also triggers the uterus to contact. It doesn't just release willy nilly with physical touch. If it did everyone would be bonded with everyone all over the place.
/r/TheRedPill02/12/14 04:49 AM
1

Thanks for the comment. It helps a lot.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/12/14 04:44 AM
2

Thank you for this. It helps me not beat myself up over my LTR ending because I was "fucking disobedient" and wouldn't shut up when told.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/12/14 04:43 AM
-1

That hormone is only released upon orgasm. So if she had lots of shitty partners who couldn't get her off then you are safe!
/r/TheRedPill01/12/14 06:54 PM
1

I won't figure it out either. But as you said, it is what it is and it's not something I have to think about anymore. At least much. And never once I kick my oneitis. ;)
/r/TheRedPill30/11/14 11:12 PM
1

If your relationship Is as RP as you say, you may not have to introduce them because you are showing them everyday what works. What you can do is explain breakdowns in relationship styles and why they happened the way they did when the opportunity arises (from movies, TV, etc.) but odds are they will both seek to emulate what you and your wife have if they are seeing happy parents.
/r/askTRP30/11/14 01:21 PM
1

How your mom communicated/s with you is huge. I was just home caring for my mom after surgery. I had to do everything for her. But I noticed while I was there that she rarely asked me to do something she wanted me to do. She would tell me to by giving me permission. "You can XYZ now." Versus "will you please XYZ?" This was something that was pointed out to me in the past and I had to work hard to overcome it. I never intended to sound like I was giving orders but that is exactly what my SO at th…
/r/askTRP30/11/14 01:18 PM
1

You said yourself the TRP answer, which I happen to agree with. But unless she's extremely self aware, she doesn't understand why she feels confused. The name calling screams that you have unresolved anger of your own.
/r/askTRP30/11/14 01:02 PM
0

I don't understand why you told her instead of just asking her out/gaming her. That would have answered your question too. And now, even if she had an interest, she is doubting it because you didn't. It's like when my former SO used to say he wanted to have sex. Even if I had been in the mood for it, the minute he ASKED me for it I lost my desire. I told him this many times even though I didn't understand why it happened. After TRP it finally clicked. He didn't talk. He acted.
/r/askTRP30/11/14 12:57 PM
-1

Maybe she just sets really high standards for herself and wants to date someone with the same high standards?
/r/askTRP30/11/14 12:51 PM
1

Well then I will continue to do so. Because trying not to did not work out well for me in the long run.
/r/askTRP30/11/14 12:29 PM
1

I really like your perspective so I want to be sure to say thank you for sharing it. I realized after the fact that he probably was triaging. I phrased it differently, saying we were both under stress and weren't able to see one another's points if view. He had recently quit a job and had interviews in a new city coming up and I had just spent almost 2 weeks with my mom after a major surgery - things like that. But weeks later he was still blaming me and didn't want to hear it. Funny enough, I h…
/r/TheRedPill30/11/14 12:25 PM
1

It was hotel staff we were never going to interact with after that night...
/r/TheRedPill30/11/14 12:12 PM
1

You make some interesting points. I know the person I am thinking of suffered immensely as a child (was bullied and had a neglectful mother) and then the little bit of stability he found was with a feminist aunt. And he has actually lost a child. Maybe now I get why there was rage simmering under the surface. I still don't get taking it out on other people for seemingly innocuous issues. Edit: I have dogs, not cats. But that's ok.
/r/TheRedPill30/11/14 04:53 AM
1

I honestly hadn't realized the devastating effects of the later waves of feminism until my then SO said something about TRP and we started discussing it. Makes me wonder how far the pendulum will have to swing before stability is reached. And from what I was told, the goal in this particular instance was to "stand up for being disrespected".
/r/TheRedPill30/11/14 04:47 AM
0

"Stood by him" when my gut was saying not to. And not because of low SMV, but because I was actually trying to not be too judgmental and scared. To NOT be controlled by my emotions. And in retrospect I should have listened to my gut. Because what it was telling me was correct all along.
/r/askTRP30/11/14 04:21 AM
1

Interesting analogy. Is there a term for a woman going her own way? Because that's about where I feel like I may end up. The anger issue I witnessed happened well before TRP discovery so unfortunately anger at the awakening doesn't fit in this situation. It's just something I never understood. "More flies with honey" always worked better for me than yelling and cursing.
/r/TheRedPill30/11/14 04:01 AM
1

Thanks for the input. I still struggle understanding some specific behaviors I witnessed in the past from someone I thought was alpha. If I'm correct in my understanding of alpha/beta women - I have not noticed a real change. But I also don't tend to be in places where I encounter hard core feminists. I knew from a fairly young age I wasn't a feminist. I also knew fairly young that I wanted a strong leader in my LTR. And when my girlfriends' hamster things I have a way of telling them tactfully …
/r/TheRedPill30/11/14 03:53 AM
1

What I was reading was more on the severe/clinical side. Although the narcissistic traits are def more prevalent now than in the past for myriad reasons. That whole parenting thought of "everyone is special/gets a trophy" certainly didn't help. So glad I never bought into that.
/r/askTRP30/11/14 12:19 AM
1

From what I've read you can't really turn into a narcissist. You are or you aren't, and usually due to trauma and/or neglect in childhood. Interestingly enough that trauma/neglect tends to appear as narcissism for men and borderline personality disorder for women. Either way makes for a good argument for the importance of the family dynamic - which is a value of TRP men in LTRs.
/r/askTRP29/11/14 11:02 PM
1

So what is someone who stands up but in an overly emotional way that makes situations worse? An alpha that hasn't mastered frame?
/r/TheRedPill29/11/14 03:19 PM
2

So here's a question for you - is the difference between an alpha who has accepted reality as it is and doesn't let shit get to him (perceived disrespect, etc) and a beta who doesn't stand up for himself to perceived disrespect just a matter of how happy he is at the end of the day?
/r/TheRedPill29/11/14 03:04 PM
1

I've been reading a lot about narcissism lately and I think perhaps the people who are so against TRP may have experience with a narcissist or fear that this philosophy will turn a man into one. I can certainly see how a narcissist would be drawn to the ideas of TRP, since they have a strong desire to control the person they are in a relationship with and they naturally display dread. This could give them the perfect way to explain away their behaviors and deny the narcissism. That being said, m…
/r/askTRP29/11/14 02:58 PM
1

Smart man.
/r/askTRP29/11/14 02:43 PM
0

Has she done anything to work at increasing her own SMV? I would argue that that is a bigger indicator of her desire to keep you around. If she hasn't, think of things she could improve and work those suggestions into your conversations and see how she responds. You will learn a lot, such as: how much she actually listens to what you say; how open she is to taking your lead; does she have what it takes to change (maybe even needs your help to do so) or is she just too comfortable with what she a…
/r/askTRP29/11/14 02:41 PM
1

Since we don't know your history based on what you posted, I don't know if you even are a "couple" yet or not. But it sounds like she wants you to be and is more concerned with giving that impression so proceed with caution. Not sure where you live, but looking at Holiday lights or even decorating a tree is something that real couples do. And it doesn't cost an arm and a leg. If she shoots down ideas such as these she's more concerned with being in a "couple" than being with you. Edit: I just re…
/r/askTRP29/11/14 02:31 PM
1

Me too. And now I'm at the wall. Eeeek! Oh well, better late than never.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/11/14 06:54 PM
3

This is really great. Makes me so glad I never identified as a feminist. A lot of this is actually good reading for both boys and girls, just as a basic explanation of human nature. I was actually starting to doubt some of this stuff based on my recent experiences and posts I had read. But this makes it all so clear. I want to find a way to share it with my 23 yo son.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/11/14 05:48 PM
1

It was not well thought out, because I was young. But this was basically what I did. Other than not choosing a highly compatible partner to father kids it worked out well for them and my career, which I didn't find/start until they were early teens.
/r/TheRedPill27/11/14 03:00 PM
1

That was hilarious!
/r/askTRP27/11/14 02:42 PM
0

This is a common thought I have seen here, and one I've accepted for the most part based upon people's experiences. But then in my experience, I didn't leave when the metaphorical shit hit the fan. And then I was accused of having a low SMV. I don't think that's true, but I suppose it could be. It just makes me sad that it is so unbelievable for RP men to believe that a woman would stick through the hard times therefore she has to be low value.
/r/TheRedPill26/11/14 10:39 PM
1

There was a belief at one time that sharing your goals with others encouraged you to be more accountable to said goals, because once other ppl knew they could hold you accountable to them. But in today's society, no one holds anyone accountable for their actions anymore it seems. So what's the point in sharing?
/r/TheRedPill26/11/14 02:24 AM
1

It was less what he said and more how he behaved. Letting things get to him that shouldn't. Getting really angry when he shouldn't. Not treating depression when he should have, that kind of thing.
/r/askTRP24/11/14 01:15 PM
1

The "cock carousel" as it's become known here is the equivalent of the feminist saying "figuring out what you like". It's something women have decided to tell themselves they needed to do - in order to be a better partner - you see. So that that she can later on tell you what to do to turn her on. The problem is, this whole feminist ideal completely disregards the reality of male/female dynamics. The reality is, a man might be aroused by the fact that a woman can do XYZ, but the other reality is…
/r/askTRP24/11/14 03:01 AM
2

Uhm, do you know details of the issue in the mouth? 1) cold sores are contagious as fuck and maybe she was doing you a favor. 2) canker sores hurt like a bitch. If you see physical evidence of either don't be a jack ass. If there's no physical evidence then carry on...
/r/askTRP24/11/14 02:41 AM
1

If you saw and are ok with photos from the first shoot, then there's a reasonable assumption that the next set will be ok too. However given the change in venue, just go with her. Don't tell her not to do it. Don't ask her for permission to join. Just go. Not only will you get to see for yourself if this is all on the up and up, but if by chance it's not, you will get to see how she handles it.
/r/askTRP24/11/14 02:28 AM
1

This is accurate. When we started dating I hid my irrationally emotional side from my ex. It wasn't something I learned because I didn't have those role models. But something in me knew I should keep them private. My then SO encouraged me to "open up" because he wanted to know what I was feeling "in the moment" and he did the same for me. Fast forward almost 10 years and we are split because the can of worms he opened he didn't like. And honestly I wasn't ready to see him weak. I hate to say tha…
/r/askTRP24/11/14 02:24 AM
1

While I understand your desire to not make eye contact, regardless of the reason, I would counter that not being able to do so is a sign you aren't fully in control of your emotion. You should be able to look her in the eyes and she perceive it as if nothing is out of place - regardless of any seething anger or disgust you are feeling inside. When you have mastered that, you can pound your chest and say you know how to maintain frame.
/r/askTRP24/11/14 02:17 AM
1

You missed the ex part.
/r/askTRP22/11/14 08:46 PM
1

This. This. And this. If you are doing these things she should start to see you again as the man she fell in love with. And her attraction toward you should return naturally. Also keep in mind that what causes dread for each woman may be different, so try various tactics. You said you've lost weight. Have you changed wardrobe, etc?
/r/MarriedRedPill22/11/14 08:20 PM
1

Not even a little bit. I have to learn to trust my own (RP) instincts again before I consider that.
/r/TheRedPill22/11/14 02:00 PM
0

I do highly recommend showing her what a good captain looks like. Maybe pointing it out where you can, so she can start to grasp the realities for herself. I didn't know about TRP until a few months ago and when I read this stuff it all just clicked for me. I never understood why I was uncomfortable when my then SO would do certain things (something as simple as crying-his weakness made me uncomfortable and I didn't know why and that made me feel guilty because after all he's human too.) I could…
/r/TheRedPill22/11/14 01:28 PM
1

I don't consider myself BP at all. But i was accepting and forgiving of my SO and his faults. I stood by him through a lot. Too much, I see now. Not because of low SMV but because I believed in him. My mistake was not a low SMV, but believing in him more than he believed in himself.
/r/askTRP22/11/14 01:11 PM
1

Actually you did say he should be insulted. I say he shouldn't.
/r/askTRP22/11/14 03:18 AM
6

Not at all. Just didn't find the right "Mr. So and so" for it to become a reality. But thanks to TRP in learning better what to look for moving forward.
/r/TheRedPill22/11/14 03:14 AM
12

I've been saying this for years. I happen to be fairly successful in my career but I when I was getting married I said that I would be completely happy to stop working and be "Mrs. So and so". I was amazed at the discouraging responses I got.
/r/TheRedPill22/11/14 02:05 AM
21

This makes me sad. My SO's weaknesses made me worried for him but I sure hope I didn't use them against him.
/r/TheRedPill22/11/14 02:00 AM
1

Giving away your power. Very true. I didn't learn the first time.
/r/askTRP22/11/14 01:57 AM
1

As much as I hate to say it this is probably accurate. I was just on vacation and the group was always telling me "you look so good, you can skip the gym" or "you can afford the calories". I used to just laugh and ignore the comments. Now I say: "I look good because I go to the gym and avoid the calories." Doing the right thing can be hard and when we can't do it, it's human nature to pull people down with us.
/r/askTRP22/11/14 01:54 AM
-1

How would you have preferred she asked it? Edit: adding that I disagree a man should be offended by how she asked it. A man should not be swayed by such a simple question. He should simply decide if she's worth answering or not. Nothing else.
/r/askTRP22/11/14 12:49 AM
1

This is all I'm saying. It's not a big deal to just answer the question. I think OP is being too sensitive or something.
/r/askTRP22/11/14 12:49 AM
1

I think trying to get that girl is ok but TRP cautions about getting fixated on her and thinking there is no one else that can make you happy. The whole abundance mentality thing.
/r/askTRP21/11/14 09:51 PM
0

Compatibility is important. I did things he enjoyed but he was unwilling to do things I enjoyed. That's no way to live.
/r/TheRedPill21/11/14 08:12 PM
-1

I said nothing about a LTR. I said attraction. Physical characteristics are part of attraction. Sounds like you are short and have a problem with it. Otherwise just say how tall you are. It's not hard.
/r/askTRP21/11/14 12:38 PM
-2

Well being a tall woman I can understand her wanting to know early on. No point in wasting the time of someone you won't be physically attracted to.
/r/askTRP21/11/14 01:54 AM
0

Depends what you mean by "lined up". I met a man I was attracted to and had more in common with than my then husband. One who enjoyed the same things I did things that I could not get my then husband to try much less enjoy (wine tasting, theatre, fine dining-nothing extreme). So meeting him let me see there were men who would share these things with me. I knew I would never be in a long term relationship with this man though. We are still friends 12 years later and I didn't end my relationship t…
/r/TheRedPill21/11/14 12:51 AM
-1

Why wouldn't you just answer? If you asked her a blunt question about her physical appearance that was important to you, wouldn't you like an honest answer?
/r/askTRP20/11/14 11:03 PM
1

No that's how you get ants.
/r/askTRP20/11/14 03:53 PM
6

Everything RP I've ever read says honesty is always best. You have to be able to stand behind your actions. If you can't then don't perform those actions.
/r/askTRP20/11/14 02:31 AM
3

Can't afford to move out? Well you should have thought about that before getting so wasted you ended up in the situation you're in. Too bad that you didn't. You came here for advice. RP advice is to man up and be honest. If you can't handle the truth, don't come to TRP for advice.
/r/askTRP20/11/14 02:23 AM
0

I asked myself and I agree, It counts. Any woman who says it doesn't is feeding a healthy hamster.
/r/askTRP19/11/14 10:56 PM
0

It seems like you have excuses for any piece of advice you receive.
/r/askTRP19/11/14 10:55 PM
1

This is so true. And if you have your own mental illness, OP, you have to be certain you have that under control before you bring anyone, new or old, into your life.
/r/askTRP19/11/14 10:09 PM
1

Oral counts. It's more intimate in a way. Those women have healthy hamsters.
/r/askTRP19/11/14 10:03 PM
2

Fascinating reading. Recently single and have fewer partners than a conservative female half my age...
/r/askTRP19/11/14 10:01 PM
1

I like this. It's good to remind yourself not to spend effort on someone who doesn't want to be with you in the first place. They aren't worth it.
/r/askTRP19/11/14 09:51 PM
2

I've had the same thoughts. You have to remind yourself to let go of the "men and women are the same/equal" mindset we were raised on. The gender differences can feel hypocritical at first but the reality is, it just is.
/r/askTRP19/11/14 09:46 PM
1

Would you want to be told if you were in his shoes? Are you prepared to accept the potential fallout from doing what you believe is the right thing? The fallout could be any of the things mentioned here, including loss of the friendship. If so, you know what you need to do.
/r/askTRP19/11/14 09:39 PM
1

I just returned from a cruise and I really enjoy them. But it's about what you make of it. I am recently single and was with a group of friends with different priorities. Their goal was to get their money's worth from the all inclusive drinks package, meanwhile I worked out each morning, read a couple of good books, enjoyed an amazing dive excursion - all solo - and just met up with them at meals or when I felt like it. I realized during the trip that I would have been just as happy going alone …
/r/askTRP18/11/14 05:01 AM
2

She would cook IF she didn't work? I've never understood the either/or mentality. I work full time and often have to travel and still did all laundry for a family of 4, grocery shopping and meal planning. I also cooked the nights I was in town and tagged the recipes for him to know which ones I had purchased ingredients for. It was my way of still fulfilling my wifely duties while I was gone.
/r/askTRP18/11/14 04:50 AM
4

This. Call her out on it. There's no point in dread or wasting your time on anything else for someone who lies. If she finds it too hard to just tell you "I feel too tired to make the drive to see you." She will lie about literally anything.
/r/askTRP17/11/14 08:10 PM
1

The motto I'm trying to follow is this: Let go or be dragged.
/r/askTRP17/11/14 02:41 AM
1

My recent breakup was the result of a reconciliation of a relationship. I never wanted it to end. He did. I never stopped loving him and we did get back together but it didn't last. I am utterly heartbroken and he is dating - or at least trying to (using me in photos with him, cause he's a classy guy). I should never have tried to get him back. Both people have to want it. Both have to not be willing to give up when it gets hard. There were plenty of times I thought I should throw in the towel o…
/r/askTRP17/11/14 01:44 AM
1

She could just be missing your company. She may want to still be friends. That doesn't mean she I deeply and passionately in love with you. Don't you want that from your partner? I know I do. My recent ex slept with an old girlfriend when we were separated on a previous occasion and it was devastating for me to get over, because I couldn't even date while we were apart. Is that something you are ready to deal with? Will you ever see her the same way and really trust her?
/r/askTRP17/11/14 12:54 AM
2

From what I've read, TRP seems to not believe in soul mates or "the one" but I thought this was an interesting article. It raises some interesting points about challenging yourself and not giving up when things get tough. Thoughts??
/r/MarriedRedPill17/11/14 12:16 AM
1

There's a common thought that you have to date/have sex to get over the first person, but I believe that to be foolish thinking. People who immediately seek a new relationship are either uncomfortable being alone or unable to deal with the emotional fallout from the breakup and seeking something to distract themselves from having those feelings. Neither is an indicator of an emotionally healthy person.
/r/askTRP16/11/14 06:10 PM
3

I agree with this completely. It's unrealistic to expect anyone, man or woman, to be in complete control all the time. But how you handle the failures is critical. This is not necessity a RP thing - this is a maturity/responsibility thing.
/r/TheRedPill16/11/14 05:27 PM
2

If she will sleep with someone else that quickly then the relationship was long over. Mine just ended and I can't even fathom having a date with anyone yet and he's already on Tinder. Tells me all I need to know.
/r/askTRP16/11/14 03:44 PM
2

You could try this. That's actually how I taught my children to say please and thank you. But as a grown woman she should know this. Makes me wonder what other important life lessons she may not know. Is she worth the time and effort?
/r/askTRP16/11/14 02:56 PM
1

Just be honest with her. Hopefully you won't find out that she has deeper feelings for you than you do for her because that will make it harder for her. But if you haven't screwed her over, there should be no reason for your friends to be upset that you ended the benefits part of a FWB relationship to work on yourself. If they do have a problem with it you may need new friends.
/r/askTRP16/11/14 02:52 PM
1

Thanks. I'm sorry too.
/r/ThankTRP16/11/14 02:26 PM
1

"Am I rude or honest? There's a difference. Just because you don't like what I said doesn't make it rude."
/r/askTRP09/11/14 10:29 PM
1

I would only hope for a jacket offer from my SO, and even then only really if the chill was unexpected. I'm a grown woman and hold myself responsible for making sure I'm properly clothed. That being said, my then SO would always make an effort to find a coat check or otherwise assist me with my coat. I think he 1) appreciated that I took care of my own needs and 2) wanted to show me off in my cute outfit so the coat had to come off!
/r/askTRP09/11/14 10:27 PM
1

"Short term" and "casual" are guy code for "I want sex". Doesn't automatically disqualify him, but you'd have to be careful not to sacrifice your own principals and then judge his actions to determine if he's LTR material.
/r/askTRP09/11/14 10:14 PM
1

this
/r/askTRP09/11/14 05:01 PM
0

I would argue that either is acceptable as long as the man is steering things the direction he wants the relationship to go and not being swayed by the desire to do something just because she wants it. I have also commented previously that the kind of woman many of you are looking for are going to be considered "old fashioned" nowadays so when you find one that you think has LTR potential don't be afraid to be a little more traditional in your thinking.
/r/askTRP09/11/14 04:59 PM
3

This is pretty true. Single women are normally trying to be at their best so there's definitely a high risk she will get complacent if she becomes your LTR. How long has she been a plate? Long enough for you to have set a good example already? If not try the other suggestions. If those don't work and she's still pushing for commitment just be blunt. What have you got to loose?
/r/askTRP09/11/14 04:47 PM
1

I wouldn't say it's a 100% rule but there is a correlation. I was having this discussion recently with an ex and I commented on my various experiences with winding up being in charge of a situation, or it being perceived that I was in charge when I wasn't and I didn't understand why. Ex said that I am an "alpha" female and that others respond to accordingly.
/r/askTRP09/11/14 04:36 PM
1

The more I thought about it, it doesn't make sense. A real alpha male isn't going to be wasting much time online much less on a dating site. I'll have to look elsewhere for them.
/r/askTRP08/11/14 12:59 PM
3

She's telling you how she feels. This is a comfort test. This is "you still want me and find me attractive, right?" You immediately jumped to the fact that your sex life is good so she couldn't be insecure. Women don't see sex the same as men. Maybe don't respond immediately, so that no Pavlovian pattern arises, but she is in need of some reassurance that you desire her. Otherwise her caption of the photo would have been something like "as if?!?" Or "can you believe this guy?!?" But "jealous?" E…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/11/14 04:14 AM
2

This sounds like the reverse of what I used to do. I would help him tone things down and often encouraged him to wait until the following day to react. Unless it's life and death, it can wait.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/11/14 05:44 PM
2

My only thought is she just heard "get the usual things" and in her mind your things are still part of the usual things she gets. It's less about her not listening but probably more about her not wanting to disappoint you. At least in this scenario....
/r/MarriedRedPill07/11/14 05:39 PM
2

My point was just that I'm aware I can only really feel/see things from my side. I can imagine what things look/feel like to someone else but I can never really know because I don't have their history, which influences interactions.
/r/ThankTRP07/11/14 10:42 AM
1

Well it's definitely my side. I try to be objective but still there is some subjectivity there, after all I'm not an omnipotent observer.
/r/ThankTRP07/11/14 09:55 AM
3

Fascinating reading. Thanks! Makes me more glad than ever I never let that happen despite multiple opportunities. We had a large group of swinger friends that I loved to go to parties with but I just never wanted to take it further than friendship with anyone and I refused to be influenced by the "everyone is doing it" mindset plus I knew seeing him with another woman would completely destroy me and I wasn't willing to do that to myself. Our sex life drastically improved when he found TRP. He st…
/r/TheRedPill07/11/14 09:51 AM
2

Graduate level is right. The only real downfall I've seen to TRP is that it gives those who are failing at what they want to achieve an opportunity to avoid self reflection due to the "next" mentality.
/r/TheRedPill07/11/14 12:12 AM
2

So he was telling himself it would be hot so that he could feel the validation that another guy wanted to fuck me?
/r/TheRedPill06/11/14 11:53 PM
1

I'm just to the point where I've accepted he's not capable of the change he needs to exhibit long term without medication and therapy and he's willing to do neither. He can maintain for a couple of months and then he crashes, becomes irrational and makes impulsive, bad decisions. And then questions why I struggle to blindly follow him as my captain. When he's level it's easy. When he's down its hard. But it's only ok to be hard for him. I'm not allowed for it to be hard for me. I can't live like…
/r/ThankTRP06/11/14 11:51 PM
1

Yes! Emotional flip flopping is so on point. And I could never react the way he wanted me to. Calm. No, not this time. I wanted you mad too. Mad. NO, I wanted you calm this time. Calm again. I will tell you horrible things to hurt you because you are maintaining composure when I can't. I'm tired just remembering it. I wish he would get help but I don't see that happening. Onward and upward. Thank you for the comment.
/r/ThankTRP06/11/14 08:31 PM
2

This is so well written. I see this mentality so often with men new to Marriedredpill. Also they expect years and years of learned behavior to be unlearned in a matter of months. Nothing worth having comes easy. At least that's what I was taught and what I believe. Great post!
/r/TheRedPill06/11/14 06:44 PM
1

Don't ever stop trying/growing/bettering yourself. You are doing it for yourself, not for her. And even if she's not really hypergamous (I wasn't in my most recent relationship) I will say that his complacency (likely due to underlying mental health issues) led to a rift that we could not explain. Until TRP I didn't understand why it bothered me when he got angry over trivial things, unreliable, etc. I was always told that I expected too much. All I expected was an equivalent to what I was putti…
/r/askTRP06/11/14 04:17 PM
1

Is this level is disrespect is still happening after a year of RP practices either you're not doing something right or she's not capable of getting it. It takes time for for parties to learn/unlearn behavior that's been engrained over time, but this, after a year. Something is off.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/11/14 11:59 AM
1

At least they explain it away with all the jingle writing money.
/r/TheRedPill06/11/14 11:40 AM
16

I agree. My previous SO used to push for us to do something like this and I knew I would not be able to handle seeing him with someone else. He would tell me it was "hot" to imagine seeing me get fucked by another man. All I heard when he said that was "I don't really care about you."
/r/TheRedPill06/11/14 11:34 AM
3

She's just giving advance notice if the shit tests she intends to throw out while also letting you know that she won't be cleaning the house....
/r/TheRedPill06/11/14 11:30 AM
2

I like my ego stroked more than I like you. Those words hold true on so many fronts. I had an SO who would constantly do things like this and if I approached him about them he would accuse me of being insecure. I said it's not about insecurity it's about respect. I wouldn't do it to you and I expect you not to do it to me.
/r/askTRP06/11/14 11:24 AM
1

Great suggestion. Thank you.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/11/14 01:12 AM
1

Well I think he's bailing on the relationship anyway so I guess I won't have to worry about it.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/11/14 01:55 PM
3

Leading by example almost always works. I was the fitter of the 2 of us but when he started working out it motivated me to up my game and I'm now in the best shape I've been in for years, with a weight I haven't seen on the scale in longer than I can recall. And I was not heavy to begin with. Invite her to walk the dogs with you. Invite her to play tennis. Replace junk snacks with healthy ones. And compliment her progress, even small things.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/11/14 12:27 PM
2

I just don't see how both of us acting foolishly was going to help the situation. I was still basking in being proud of him for getting great champagne at a cheap price. I don't understand why that wasn't enough for him.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/11/14 01:52 AM
1

He said when he was at the front desk yelling i should have been too. That's what a first mate does. Instead I stayed naked in bed to greet him when he came back but he wouldn't let it go.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/11/14 09:03 PM
1

Ahhhh, ok. I think that might have been hard to do last night. He was scarily mad over feeling he was disrespected by the way the hotel staff talked to him. And TRP stuff he's been reading convinced him he needed to take action instead of just not letting it affect him.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/11/14 04:22 PM
1

What would that have looked like?
/r/MarriedRedPill03/11/14 03:57 PM
2

Staying in a hotel, order room service. They don't have the sparkling wine we order. The follow up service was really bad. They offer an alternative and then don't have that either. He's getting frustrated (understandingly) by the incompetence, starts raising his voice, etc. We talk, I calm him down ( I think) and we get a $250 bottle for $33. Great! Problem solved in my mind. We get our food, enjoy our dinner and the next thing I know he's getting dressed to go to the front desk and complain mo…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/11/14 03:42 PM
1

Thank you! I was thinking the same thing.
/r/TheRedPill31/10/14 12:33 AM
3

So if you've accepted the fact that you will end all relationships, why do you continue to enter them letting the woman believe there is a future? You have complete control over whether or not you enter a LTR.
/r/TheRedPill31/10/14 12:04 AM
15

This is exactly it. That's why I was actually surprised at all the negative commentary here. At least she's trying to sort it out, rather than refusing to acknowledge the truth in front of her.
/r/TheRedPill30/10/14 11:20 PM
1

Anyone who has the free time to check your history before making a comment, upvote, etc. is someone with far too much time on their hands, whose opinion should not be valued in the slightest.
/r/askTRP30/10/14 11:40 AM
1

I think you are spot on.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/10/14 11:36 AM
1

Thanks so much for sharing. I like your insights.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/10/14 04:51 AM
1

If you knew this then why post?
/r/askTRP25/10/14 05:41 AM
1

She is likely suffering from depression from the loss. This is not the time for dread, tough love, etc. She needs counseling, possibly meds for a period of time and at least some understanding.
/r/askTRP25/10/14 04:08 AM
1

Why would you ever give to her something she is not willing to give back in return?
/r/askTRP25/10/14 04:02 AM
1

Honestly. That's the best thing for both of you. It's not fair to string her along and let her think "one day he will love me back" and if you don't love her then why bother with exclusivity?
/r/askTRP25/10/14 03:59 AM
7

First off, you can't cheat, like at all, on a keto diet. It's one of the hardest states to achieve and is a very delicate balance. If it's not something she can stick to permanently, then it's not realistic. TRP encourages men to work out. That's one of the best things about it from my (female) perspective. I've always been the more active of the two of us but when he started working out to it was an amazing motivator for me and I'm in the best shape I've been i for years. My point is, lead by e…
/r/askTRP25/10/14 03:51 AM
2

This is my favorite thing about TRP. It motivates men (and women, if somewhat by default) to be their best. Attracting women is just what happens secondary to that.
/r/askTRP23/10/14 11:21 AM
1

I see this question come up often. I've read users say women can unconditionally love their children, but men won't because they can never be 100% certain the child is theirs the way a woman can. That being said, if a woman can love her children unconditionally, why would she be unable to translate that to a man? I love my SO even when he does things that don't make me happy, etc. When we separated I did not run out to find the next guy even though he dated other women. How can a man love a woma…
/r/askTRP23/10/14 11:09 AM
0

I'm curious how it was decided that you would finish school first? Setting that aside - whomever the breadwinner is doesn't have to have more power or control than the other. Does he handle the finances now? If so, let him continue. Just because the name on the paycheck changes, the relationship doesn't have to. Unless he's worried that YOU are going on to change. Maybe it's less about the money and more about the fact he's afraid you won't have the time/desire to do all you do to run the home w…
/r/askTRP22/10/14 03:15 AM
1

I think this response is probably spot on. Telling her she could "relax" in that moment briefly set her off even more. He could have "then don't relax, do the other things you need to do. The point is I said I'd do XYZ" That might have more quickly redirected her to his thinking rather her having to figure out on her own.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/10/14 12:38 PM
1

Well then I suggest try different ways of waking her up and perhaps you'll find one that makes her wake up happy. Remember, some of us are just grumpy first thing upon waking - no matter how we are normally. It's not personal.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/10/14 12:15 PM
1

I don't recall that this ever bothered me really. But he does have more hobbies outside the home so coordinating it all was sometimes a challenge. I guess I just like not having it on my plate anymore. It feels more like we are still dating when he plans it.
/r/ThankTRP13/10/14 11:48 PM
4

So you expect her to shape up and be a good first mate even though you aren't ready/able to be a good captain? (Me against the world mindset. She's not against you, not if you're leading her as a captain.) Honestly you sound like you've already checked out of the relationship and you're just stringing her along so that you can sleep at night telling yourself that you gave her a chance.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/10/14 01:32 PM
6

I think you have a bit too much of a single man's mindset for someone who is married. TRP does not advocate dishonesty. That's not what dread game is. Mistress is a bad idea. You may inspire change in her, but once improved you risk her finding out and ending the marriage due to the infidelity. Remember, LTR dread game isn't the same as single dread game. Also, while I commend you for giving her time to change (a year) - don't you think it's unfair to expect her to change 15 years of how you hav…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/10/14 11:25 AM
4

Sounds like you did great to me. Although you could have had a little fun with it there at the end - "I'm going to watch XYZ - fuck you if you're not." Then winked and grabbed her for a hug. Make her see that you not consulting her on every little thing isn't the end of the world and she shouldn't act like it is.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/10/14 11:16 AM
3

This is one area where my SO and I seem to disagree. All of my accounts have always been 100% open to him because I have nothing to hide. But the reverse is not true and he gets quite offended if I am able to check anything which has always made me wonder what he has to hide. So now I restrict access/lock my stuff too.
/r/askTRP06/10/14 01:58 PM
7

As the captain I would have let my SO address it from the start.
/r/askTRP05/10/14 10:20 PM
0

I am now more stupid having read that. Thanks. :/
/r/TheRedPill05/10/14 05:07 AM
2

You say you've taken TRP but from what followed that statement I'm not sure if you really have. From my experience, men who have truly swallowed the pill don't have time for porn because they are too busy bettering themselves. They understand that "porn star sex" isn't going to occur unless the woman sees them as high SMV and truly desires them. As others have said, if you don't truly and fully grasp the pill, you are going to fall back into the same pattern with this new female and she will bec…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/10/14 11:06 AM
2

I just heard something the other day about there being alpha females but I had not seen that referenced. It's not accurate?
/r/askTRP01/10/14 03:37 AM
3

I like the band-aid analogy.
/r/askTRP01/10/14 03:34 AM
2

And you shouldn't be. I will only ask my SO to do something for me if 1) he's already up/in the room I need something from or 2) my hands are full and it needs to happen right now. (ie, I'm making breakfast and I hear the trash truck coming and we didn't get the bags out = please take the garbage before we miss the pick up.)
/r/MarriedRedPill01/10/14 02:48 AM
2

Just be prepared for her to "forget" to answer anytime its not convenient for her. IMO OP dodged a bullet. These girls who are so desperate for immediate validation that they have lost interest in him because he wasn't immediately available aren't worth any more of his time.
/r/askTRP30/09/14 10:18 PM
2

So I know it's not one of the methods that is typically encouraged when a shit test is given, but I often wonder why men don't just say: what makes you think that? Then if she's honest with herself maybe she could better articulate what she's really feeling. About 2 years ago, pre RP, I learned to catch myself reacting emotionally and then stop myself and figure out where the emotion was coming from. It helped me learn to let my guard down and not act angry/bitter when I was actually feeling sca…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/09/14 12:18 PM
15

"She wants to hang out" = she invited you initially. You declined because of work and now she's waiting for you to make a new plan. She feels vulnerable because she initiated plans for getting together that didn't come to fruition and you haven't set up a new plan yet. That's the root of the "blown off" comment. If you like the girl, make a plan to see her. During f2f you can mention something about how she seemingly jumped to conclusions based on nothing more than the fact that you didn't respo…
/r/askTRP30/09/14 01:42 AM
1

I keep going back to "she perceives me as grumpy". What are you doing to "distance yourself"? If she's perceiving you as grumpy what you're doing isn't working so it's not going to inspire her to better herself. Hard to make a suggestion on what to change without the scenario.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/09/14 02:02 PM
8

From my perspective, he became more independent and took more control of the relationship. He makes most of our social plans now, which used to be my job. And he's been working out again and I love that we can go to the gym together, we've been playing tennis also (a plus for me because it's my favorite sport). And the whole "maintaining frame" thing. He applies it everywhere in his life now. I don't see him blow up and let things get to him/under his skin anymore. Seeing him stay calm when I kn…
/r/ThankTRP26/09/14 10:39 AM
5

She sounds mentally unstable! You wish her luck and that's her response???
/r/askTRP25/09/14 01:04 PM
3

Maybe she likes girls and really wanted the lap dance for herself. Where I live women can't get into strip clubs without a male escort. Learned that when looking to hire one for my SO's 40th Bday...
/r/askTRP19/09/14 09:20 PM
5

If she's a deep sleeper, there's nothing you can really do except be more aggressive to get her to wake up when you want her to wake up. Expecting her to "want you so bad she wakes herself up" is just silly. Some people sleep like the dead. It's nothing personal.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/09/14 09:15 PM
2

Not the same color as in different races? If so, is it bi-racial relationship? If it is, and it's her first or she already has low self esteem, this general situation may just be hard for her. But at the end of the day she has to remind herself that you aren't with those girls anymore and you have chosen to be with her. I'm a tall brunette. My SO was also dating a short blonde when we first stated dating. I recall thinking at one point: if that's what he wants, it is what it is. I can't change m…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/09/14 09:27 PM
2

Well he certainly has never been tame. But there is definitely an element of excitement that's returned to our relationship because he's taken charge and makes things happen for us. IMO, finding TRP is the best thing that's ever happened for us.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/09/14 04:16 PM
2

When my SO became more independent I jumped for joy. I didn't feel dread at all. It was like he morphed back into the man I fell in love with almost 10 years ago.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/09/14 11:46 AM
3

This. Word. For. Word.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/09/14 11:44 AM
1

She's seeking validation that you still find her attractive, like she's trying to figure out your "type" and if she fits the mold. I'd be curious to know if her looks are physically different from past girls you dated?
/r/MarriedRedPill16/09/14 11:29 AM
6

This. You don't have to get caught for it to he the wrong thing to do. It speaks to the kind if person you are.
/r/askTRP12/09/14 12:55 PM
23

He is so selfish that he initiates sex while in the same bed with his brother. Meaning basically he has no respect for you or your boundaries. This is not a sign of a man who has your well being at heart. He's looking out for himself only. I commend your RPW efforts. But make sure the man you are allowing to lead you is worthy of doing so.
/r/RedPillWomen12/09/14 02:44 AM
1

Just remember that YOU cannot fix her self image. Only she can do that. But if you are setting the self improvement example she will hopefully join you and her self image will go up naturally.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/09/14 01:19 PM
3

It may have more to do with her own self image. If she feels at all insecure about her body or her looks, being photographed unexpectedly may have given HER anxiety and saying you were silly was her way of expressing it. She may not even realize that that is the root of her discomfort. Just a thought...
/r/MarriedRedPill11/09/14 12:22 AM
1

Or she's dumber than a box of rocks even though he's a smart guy!
/r/MarriedRedPill09/09/14 01:35 PM
2

Interesting points
/r/MarriedRedPill09/09/14 01:32 PM
2

She became attracted to you again when she learned of the cheating? Makes me wonder if changing the dynamic of your relationship to you being an alpha earlier could have salvaged it?
/r/MarriedRedPill09/09/14 01:32 PM
6

If you notice his examples, she was asking, not directing.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/08/14 03:25 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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