Wary of marriage but would love my own son to be the father I never had

ProjectShamrock · 2014-12-22T07:05:35+00:00

I would suggest waiting at least ten our more years before even thinking about marriage. A lot of guys here are opposed to it with good reason, but I understand the desire to be a father.

However, at 19 you haven't lived enough of your own life to make that sacrifice yet. I am a father and love my kids but I'm so glad I waited until being 30 to be a father. I have a great, stable job, a house, and confidence to focus on it rather than being as self-centered as a 20 something year old.

Also, your LTR needs are nowhere near what they will be when you are a father.

[deleted] · 2014-12-22T09:12:55+00:00

Do you want children?

If Yes:

Remain single until 30+ enjoy the wild times and build up a career so you can provide for you family. Once you have maximized your SMV is looks/fitness/career/social skills etc.., start looking for the 1/1000 woman that is worth rolling the dice.

If No:

Remain not-married until you die.

P.S. Don't get married in the US

Bradovoxo · 2014-12-22T07:23:24+00:00

So I kind of have the same situation as you. My parents divorced when I was about 7. We stayed in the same city so I was still able to have contact with my dad. Now our relationship has always been strained, so I always told myself if I was to have a son I would do better than my dad did by me.

Now this is where it gets hard. My dad remarried and had a son but due to my dad getting another divorce my mom spends a lot if time raising him. Now I love my brother to death, but when I was back home on leave I would often catch myself doing the same thing my dad did.

So my advice is to start out by being a mentor with the Big Brother Big Sister program. This will help you with dealing with kids in general. You'll learn patience and how to teach the kid what's right and wrong in a way that will really make you focus on being a good man. Mainly since its not your child so you can't really physically discipline him. Once you do this that's when I would decide if even having a child is right for you. Hopefully this helps.

Red_Invictus · 2014-12-22T16:42:06+00:00

The short answer would be, don't even worry about this for another ten years, seriously. You're young, you have your life ahead of you.

The really long answer is, when you bring a child into this world, don't you want to give them a good life? That's why you need to acquire resources and build yourself up now. As well as be able to selflessly commit to raising them - go have your fun now, when you're ready to settle you'll know when. Committing to being a good parent is an extremely selfless act - are you ready to give up traveling, whatever selfish desires, places you'd like to see, cool projects you want to do? Tough shit, the kid comes first. You don't want that responsibility until you're ready for it, and in a secure position of abundance - then and only then can you add value to others' lives.

Yes it's possible to meet women out there that are marriage potential. It still takes tight game, and you have to always take care of yourself first no matter what, and eventually a woman takes the shape of the man she's with. So in essence, you will never "find" a good marriage partner, the best you can do is "mold" one.

TLDR: LTR/marriage is TRP on Hard Mode. Don't fuck with it until you're good at the regular game first.

feminazis_stalk_me · 2014-12-22T18:06:16+00:00

Like it or not, the nuclear family - when it doesn't go critical mass - is the best, if most unstable environment for raising children. Take time to build your assets up, invest half of it in gold bars to be buried in a secret location and start looking for a woman to settle down with. Be selective and make sure she's from a traditional family and has traditional values. Hold frame, don't stop improving and steer the ship with her as your first mate, and hopefully she won't divorce you and take half of your shit - in which case you can dig up your gold bars and cash them in after the divorce is finalized.

masterrod · 2014-12-22T08:02:52+00:00

Divorce rate isn't that high. Especially if you graduate college.

It's time to fuck and meet women.

Marriage/kids will happen later should it present itself.

Title	Wary of marriage but would love my own son to be the father I never had
Author	helpyaboy2
Upvotes	2
Comments	6
Date	December 22, 2014 6:47 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2q1qdt/wary_of_marriage_but_would_love_my_own_son_to_be/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/wary-of-marriage-but-would-love-my-own-son-to-be.144631 https://theredarchive.com/post/144631

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