How to be upfront about only wanting sex but not in a rude / demeaning way?

thatcatwhisperer · 2018-07-09T19:59:50+00:00

I see you mentioned you’re a virgin and in the comments I’ve seen you mention that you don’t have a lot of experience being sexual with a woman. First thing I want to say is: it’s perfectly okay to be a virgin (everyone is at some point), and it is perfectly okay to not have much experience and not feel super confident, and it’s also perfectly okay to go into college being a virgin. I say this because I feel that “I want to lose my virginity before college” isn’t an ideal mindset to take into a date when you’ve not had enough experience with women.

So try and go not with this goal or outcome in mind. This need to get sex from the woman often becomes apparent in your actions around her and this dependency on the outcome of the date doesn’t let you actually enjoy it while it’s ongoing and makes you feel needy and desperate if the evening continues on and on with no sex on the horizon (it’s a possibility).

You also mention that you’re not sure how to be sexual with her in your comments. You asked if telling her she is pretty and has a nice personality is one way to start. It isn’t. People often compliment other people and there’s nothing sexual about it. If it happens to be true and there’s a reason to mention it in conversation, the sure: compliment away! For example: I meet a lot for people in a somewhat open social setting on an almost daily basis, almost every evening. If I find that one of the men I meet has a nice shirt on, I mention it right away: “Nice shirt, man!”. Ditto for women. Compliments are nice, but they aren’t going to be the basis on which you seduce someone. When I compliment someone, I want to expect nothing to come of it. I offer one when it is deserved. It isn’t a tool of seduction. At least, it definitely isn’t the primary one. An attractive girl gets told a 1000 times a year that she is attractive, in 50 different ways. Being told that you are attractive is nice and makes one feel good. So: Nothing wrong with it either. At the other end of the spectrum... if you read somewhere in the seduction community about “negging” - don’t do it. It’s just douchey if done with the intent to “neg” and quite transparent to most girls who know a thing or two about game.

I feel that once a girl has some baseline level of attraction towards you, seduction is mostly about body language and conversation. i.e. Seducing her is in large part about being comfortable while talking to her, and comfortable with touching her. The conversation and touch have to be calibrated to the situation and built up slowly. Touch is made more intimate by touching a little, seeing if she reciprocates (over the next several minutes), and making the touch a notch more sexual than earlier. It starts very non sexual (handshake, tap on the shoulder or upper arm) and moves to become more intimate slowly (and in some rare cases when the context calls for it, quickly) over the entire evening. Of course, one also has to converse. All of this depends on your own personal style and is best developed by learning and experience. There is no “formula” or one magical technique.

The problem is that none of us can teach you seduction in one Reddit post or comment, and you are not going to learn all about seduction before this one date. You also aren’t going to become amazing at seduction after one successful date.

Given this, I’d suggest dialing back the pressure on yourself, reading what you can about seduction, avoiding sticking to some formula, and going there and genuinely try to connect with the girl while remembering and applying what you learned and still being natural.

Now what I wrote in the above paragraph is still vague advice. So I will be more specific:

Groom well, dress well (but don’t go overboard)
Get your logistics right. I don’t like that your only option is a car - but it’s better than nothing. Know your options and have them at hand. If you are in the front seats of your car, the best that can get you without clumsiness is kissing and a make-out. Moving to the back seat - you can only suggest this if the girl is already really keen to do this. Otherwise, it’s just creepy. If you can borrow keys to a friend’s apartment - that’s better. Also know where the date will begin. Don’t make it about eating or watching a movie at the cinema. A cozy cafe is what I like best but you do you.
Don’t feel pressured to keep the conversation going. She has to pull her weight too. Don’t let silences make you feel awkward. Lean into silence and enjoy it if it comes up. Silence is a good moment to just look at your dates and smile.
Understand the power of human touch. Be comfortable touching people. Men and women. The touching should be appropriate to the setting and level of comfort. Of course the only way to increase the intimacy of touch is to step a little bit beyond what is comfortable and gauge acceptance as well as reciprocity before moving forward. Perhaps reading about “Kino” and the “Kino escalation ladder” is the one “seduction trick” worth reading about in this short time frame. Doing it all naturally is key. Reading something from a book or article and then just checking off the steps on the date has a pretty high risk of appearing creepy. It’s important to feel comfortable with touch.

GlorifiedSnake · 2018-07-09T17:34:29+00:00

[permanently deleted]

boneygoat · 2018-07-10T05:31:49+00:00

Confidence is the best way to attract someone to you. An easy way to be confident is be comfortable. Remember she's a regular person, she's already friendly. Build rapport through inside jokes or comparing thoughts on your shared surroundings. Making her comfortable will build her confidence to play with you. A common mistake is not directing the connection in a physical way. Touch her when she laughs, lean in when making a point to make it personal, increasing the intensity and suggestion with each shared experience. Importantly don't expect reciprocation or that she owes you anything. Don't focus on what you want, your intentions will come across in your actions and demeanor. Focus on how she reacts to your conversation and touch. People naturally mirror someone they are attracted to. She'll notice your attention is on how she responds. Her body language will display her feelings, remember yours will do the same. Timeless words of wisdom, "don't put the pussy on a pedestal". Sex is a natural part of being a social animal, no more important than eating, sleeping, or working with others.

Title	How to be upfront about only wanting sex but not in a rude / demeaning way?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	9
Comments	7
Date	July 9, 2018 5:27 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/8xdwz3/how_to_be_upfront_about_only_wanting_sex_but_not/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-be-upfront-about-only-wanting-sex-but-not.1449604 https://theredarchive.com/post/1449604

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