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[–]Xis4sarcasm 5 points6 points7 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
For your first couple approaches I’d recommend using lines, since you’ll be too anxious to think of something on the spot.
“ hi my name is Joey, may I join you for 5 minutes?”
Or
“ how you doin?”
[–]CreeperSutherland 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Situational awareness is your best freind in the approach game.
A line I use in bars when I’m approaching a group is something like “What’s the occasion?” This leads to a story, because girls always have some sort of motivation for going out....someone broke up, a promotion at work, freind leaving town, etc. They aren’t out like men “looking for pussy”. They are out to have a good time, if a good time means some cool guy meets them and they decide to fuck, it’s still just going out for fun.
In a coffee shop you’re going to have to be a bit more advanced because it’s less socially acceptable and more direct to approach in this setting. “Mind if I have a seat and share a coffee with you?” She’s gonna be surprised, but if you’re not batting way out of your league, she will likely say yes. Now, you better have something to say after that otherwise you’ll crash and burn real quick.
Grocery store, you see a hottie looking at steaks, “I can’t decide what I want to cook tonight but those steaks look delicious, maybe I should have dinner with you!” She’s not gonna say yes, 99/100 times, but it’s an intro into the time when you can have dinner with her.
For me, I can say all these things with a big, shit eating grin and come off pretty clean. And if she’s not interested, you’ll know pretty quick and it’s on to the next.
[–]throwaway-aa2 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The first thing to really internalize, is it's ALWAYS going to be awkward. Everything in terms of courting a girl is awkward. Sex is awkward, kissing can often be awkward, staying over a girls place (or her staying over your place) and figuring out the logistics of taking a shit (lol), all dates are usually awkward (which is why people literally poison themselves with alcohol to gain liquid courage and drop their defenses and resistance). You never get over that hump even when you're experienced, you just learn to deal with it differently. Don't expect that feeling to go away: it won't.
However, you can adapt to be comfortable with that feeling.
There's a lot of things you can say to women. There are a lot of books, guides, and particular styles that may suit you best. My go to for women indoors in the daytime (which may or may not work well for you, depending on your delivery):
[walk up, hold your arm / hand out, basically to the right of her body / feet, have an inquisitive / confused / confident / happy look] excuse me, just really quickly... this is super awkward to do in a coffee shop... but I saw you sitting here ________ (working diligently on your laptop) and [slow down your speech and speak from your belly so this counts)... I thought you look really nice... and ... I had to come say hi.
9 times out of 10, if you execute it right, the girl will really like this approach, even IF she has a boyfriend.
From here, you take a seat (don't ask) and do improv (I recommend improv btw) based on what she's doing, what she's wearing, her reaction, the place you're in, etc. You mostly want to be playful though:
"So are you an author or something? Are you JK Rowling, the creator of Harry Potter? I thought the series ended already or something" or "I love doing homework at coffee shops... but why do they always have to make me feel like I'm in an indie film? I want to go to a coffee shop once and hear them playing hardcore rap or something".... and then switch to minor questions to get her talking: "are you from the area?" oh cool Ohio.... I'm not a big potato guy... carbs kill my figure" and just try to be charming, engaging, try to amuse yourself, and make sure to not make the conversation friendly... it seems to have a tinge of sexual charge... that means looking into her eyes, glancing at her lips, looking at her and taking in her beauty (and letting her feel the aura of you doing that). Maybe touch her on the elbow / shoulder at the crescendo of a joke, or a high point in the conversation.
Use some guides, take improv, but most importantly, just realize that it will always be awkward. The goal is to get more experience until you can operate more comfortably inside of awkwardness, but the awkwardness doesn't go away... learn to really accept it (and accepting it doesn't mean that it goes away)
[–][deleted] 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–]throwaway-aa2 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
No no no.
So the first thing, is that... approaching in general is difficult. That being said, the amount of girls that would approach a guy is probably like... 0.01%? I've literally never ever seen this, unless a girl either comes up with her friends and just does the whole "hello, what race are you, where are you from" (which isn't really an approach), or they're tipsy / drunk and you're a 7 out of 10 or higher in the looks category. Again, just have never ever seen this. The amount of guys that can approach, is probably like .5% out of 100. Still low, but it's something we're able to do, and in most situations, the girl expects us to make the first move.
Bumble is a bad idea. The girls don't "actually" make the first move. What happens, is you still both swipe each other, but she's forced to send the first message... but this doesn't mean much, as the girl will usually send something like "hey" or "hi" or something with little to no content, actually still forcing you to make the first significant move, saying something relevant or funny, establishing a connection, etc. In my experience, it's the exact same as Tinder, albeit worse, as Bumble girls are much more likely to be looking for something serious (rather than letting something grow into a serious relationship, which is a sign that men she dates, don't often see her as a serious candidate for a longer relationship) which is just usually a very bad sign.
You should learn to approach OP. It's something that can be learned. Very difficult, but well worth your time.
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[–]Xis4sarcasm 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CreeperSutherland 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]throwaway-aa2 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]throwaway-aa2 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link