Country Dance Bar

Overall this night was successful to teach me a lot about my game, and I feel like I really learned a lot going forward on my journey. I’m happy with the amount of action that I took, and I don’t think there were any opportunities that I missed due to inaction of approach anxiety. It was a little disappointing not to pull numbers, get a kiss etc… But I had fun overall and it’s important not to focus on that. I’m going to organize this chronologically for the evening. Keep in mind that I have a poor time slot to work with for game, and as we will see the venue wasn’t a great place for meeting high quality single girls.

6pm

Drop off children, I feel a little anxious about the night and like I’m not quite “in state” as much as I’d like to be.

610pm

eat at sandwich shop skip soda and drink water instead. Get the smallest size. Chat with the cute girl utilizing emotional language. Get some cute laughs and she warns me the sandwich will be a little messy. She says it to a patron later and I say loudly so that everyone in the place can hear that she messes all the sandwiches up like that. One patron is a fair looking married mom, give her a quick compliment as I leave which she reciprocates with some positive emotion.

Positive In State

630pm

Go to local bar to wait for the dance hall to open. I chat with a random at the bar a little as he buries himself in his phone. A large group is there of about 18 people. I walk up and tell them that I’m going to hang with them until the venue opens. To giggle girls are leaving and one says I can have her spot and so I playfully say that I’m her now. I keep this up for the next couple of introductions. A blond I’m sitting close to is fairly attractive and we start to talk but then she decides to stuff her face with pizza, which I assume was not to talk to me anymore. She also turns her body away at one point. It was humorous because at the start of the conversation I had accidently started resting my knee against her show as she was sitting Indian style on the stool. Things got a little rude and I talked with a couple on the way out and asked what her deal was later, they said she was married or engaged or something along those lines.

Positive In State, but the blond girl was a bit of a downer it felt like it was more her problem than mine though

710pm

Arrive at the venue and expect a $10 cover charge however it’s actually $25 which is fairly steep for this city. The city only has 100k people in it. Most of the demographic is old married, single college students, and families. I realized much later that the $25 cover would keep most of the college demographic I want out, but I had committed at that point and so I stayed. I also wanted to dance and this is the best dance hall in the city for country dancing. The $25 cover was to support the band. Unfortunately, it also kept every person that I had invited out of the venue as well. Normally this would have killed my group, but I had seen an RSD video which made a point to get to know the staff, and it just so happened that an older lady I had met previously had her own party showing up for the night.

I ended up chatting with one of the cute waitresses and I managed to get a dance with her. I was testing her interest to pull her number, but it didn’t feel like her buying temperature was quite right yet. Also, I try to be careful about burning bridges with venue staff as I’ll have to see them again and I prefer if they don’t spit in my drink or do anything else nasty. She also mentioned at one point that all she was interested in was making money and she was going to take some time to be a free spirit and travel. Seems like a nice girl to hang out with but not really girlfriend material for my situation. Overall, I feel like the interaction went well and maybe I can check buying temperature with her another time. I did ask a bartender friend what her status was, and she said she was so new that she had no idea. She was to busy for the rest of the night to approach properly and I didn’t want to get in the way of her work, especially after the money comment.

Positive In State

My older lady friend showed up. I bantered with her quite a bit joking that she was the queen that organized her group for the night. She seemed to be their ring leader which was nice. She left her tables to get some things and said I could stay there, but I remembered that was one of the worst things I could do. Even though there wasn’t much to do I moved on and walked about the venue some, briefly chatting with the waitress again although she was a lot busier this time.

Positive In State however I’m getting a little dismayed that there aren’t going to be many eligible girls available. It will likely be an older crowd. I then receive texts from the girl I invited informing me that the cost is too high. I missed a window to off set her cost to get in, I feel bad about it and apologize. I’ve been introduced to the venue owner and I take the opportunity to let him know what had happened as feedback, not that it will matter that much.

Neutral In State and possible loss now that I’ve realized what the venue will shape up to be that night during my limited time.

8pm

I soldier on and dance with my older friend getting my second dance for the evening, meanwhile I wonder if I’ll get much more dances that night. I had set a goal of 10 dance partners for the night. While sitting at the table after our dance I notice 2 younger girls sitting in an awkward table position to reach especially if I want to get them down to the dance floor. They’re both attractive and the youngest women in the venue accept for my waitress. I approach their balcony and say, “we’re probably the youngest people here.” One says, “We were just saying that.” I go up and join them and use emotional language to the normal boring questions. I get some laughs things seem ok, and I feel like I’m getting a good buying temperature from the one sitting across from me as I’m getting more eye contact. The song changes and I try to go for the 90% to take her hand and lead her to the dance floor. I brush her arm instead, she shudders and says, “I’m not sure how they do it where you’re from!” I apologize a little too profusely and say that I was trying to put my hand out to ask her to dance. She’s not on board with that and both girls turn away. I leave the set and press on with my night. This was probably the lowest point of the evening and it honestly wasn’t that bad. I probably failed the shit test because I reacted too much to my mistake.

Loss of State, but not completely

I made another round closed out my tab, complained to my bar tender a little about the low turnout of younger people, but made it a point to stay positive. I’m determined to make this a good night anyway. So far, I’m the only one that’s been on the dance floor all night with 2 partners, and it’s been empty otherwise. I return to my older friends table and try to figure out what my next move will be while socializing with some of her older friends that have shown themselves. I move back into self-amusement and focus on being positive to get back into state. I’m a little worried I won’t get many more dances that night and I’m also a little annoyed that the band hasn’t started yet.

9pm

They kick things off with the national anthem and then the band starts. At this point in the evening I have 45 minutes tops to stick around before I need to be back to pick my kids up and get them into bed at home. It’s a hard limitation. I’m still in a good mood for the most part.

Well as soon as the band started playing you would have thought a bomb had gone off on the dance floor as it was invaded with every couple in that place. I picked up a woman from the table and went to work. At this point I’m determined to dance to every song with a different dance partner. I get 3 dances in and return to the balcony girls that blew me off. I start by apologizing again and tell them they should get a dance with me before my time is up. They give a flippant answer like “maybe later” in my experience this might as well be a “hard no” so I counter by saying that the “ball is in their court and that they need to come ask me if they want a dance before I leave.” They laugh at this and the interaction feels like it’s ending on a much more positive note. It also felt like my apology was accepted more genuinely this time as they’ve now seen social proof that I’m not some creep when I danced with other girls even if they were older women.

I move immediately from this interaction to a “hand of god” gesture to get the next woman I see onto the dance floor. While dancing I spot a new set of younger girls that must have just arrived. They are looking at the dance floor, so I take action and go get a dance with one of them. When “asking” for a dance I never really ask I either use “hand of god” or I say, “let’s dance” and one particular girl I said, “come on I’m going for the record!” I really lead like I never have done before tonight and I’m proud of myself for that. It really gave me a lot of confidence for the next time. The interaction I have with this girl is extremely good, most likely because I’ve had so many dances with positive state built up. I mention something I do, and she takes interest. I attempt to pull her number and she tells me she’s married, but she is cool as shit about it. I let her know this and I dance with one of her friends who has a super firm hand shake lol. After that I chat with them a bit for the last 2 songs and have to leave.

Conclusion

Overall it was a successful fun evening. I still have yet to get fully “blown out” by a girl where she gives the full “F You!!!!” What I’m finding is that girls typically use the silent/turn away tactic when they want you to go away. Honestly, I lose interest when that happens too because they are really just removing the energy from the interaction. It’s weird because these girls were pretty good looking that did this, but it wasn’t hard to simply pick up my toys and move on to the next opportunity. The biggest hinderance to the evening were the number of eligible girls that I was truly interested in. Even then a lot of time a girl would be attractive and then she would turn out to have little depth which made me lose attraction. I suppose I could do more to challenge a girl, I’m probably making it way to easy. There were very few that I felt like I “vibed” with over the course of the evening. Lot’s of learning for sure. Things that worked amazingly were the manner in which I used “hand of god” to initiate dances or just changing from asking to telling a girl what was going to happen. The biggest mistake of the night was touching the girl’s arm when I was getting good feedback from her. She was looking away at the time and if I had extended my hand 90% instead it would have gone a lot better. As a single dad I can’t just go out and game whenever which kind of puts more pressure on me to take action in these short amounts of time. I started off the evening nervous, but I was rewarded every time I took action save for blond pizza girl at the bar and accidental arm touch girl.