What are your seduction methods?

ILookLikeADeer · 2019-07-15T12:09:22+00:00

Not a guy but I find strong eye contact gets me everywhere, every time.

pnadlerlaw · 2019-07-15T17:32:30+00:00

Guy, married, 33.

Now days, it’s playing a game on easy mode. I don’t want to suggest that the best thing you can do as a guy (to pick up girls) is to get married. I would NEVER cheat on my wife, even if she would NEVER find out. Has nothing to do with her. I just don’t want to ever identify as a cheater. Plus, it’s obviously disrespectful. BUT ... I will flirt. My wife knows this. I flirt, I tease, and I take things just to that point before things start getting sexual or physical, and then I stop. All this while disclosing 100% up front that I’m perfectly happily married.

If I had to break down the process mechanically or almost scientifically, I would say:

Step 1: work on you. Be in great shape physically. BE IN GREAT SHAPE PHYSICALLY!!! BE IN GREAT SHAPE PHYSICALLY!!!

Take pride in how you dress. It’s been a LONG time since I’ve spent $25 on a shirt. I’m not saying go crazy spending money on clothes. But, my button down dress shirts 👔 and ties are mostly from Hugo Boss, my “casual” dress shirts are from independent Italian designers, my Polo 👕 shirts are far and few, but from Polo Ralph Lauren. My shoes are mostly Allen Edmonds, or if I find something nice that’s again an independent Italian designer. Same thing with belts. Pants, I’m okay with Levi jeans (I don’t believe in designer jeans, but I go dark now that I’m older). Khaki pants in khaki, navy blue and dark grey (to match sport coats). Suits are suits, never black, never tan, I prefer different shades of navy blue over grey. Take some pride in your socks, underwear (top and bottom), get comfortable with muscle tees and boxer briefs. Watches, have a brown leather band watch, a black leather band watch, a silver metallic watch, and a sports watch (G-Shock Rangeman). No necklaces. No rings other than your wedding band. I have ONE silver bracelet with a unique combination rope pattern (not links), but I barely wear it. What I do wear more often is my stainless steel leatherman multi-tool bracelet (I’ve never used it, it makes me feel prepared in case I ever need it). ONE bracelet on right hand (optional), and watch on left hand. Always wear a belt, unless you’re in sweat pants for the gym, but I’m not a fan of ties and looking super formal outside the courtroom. In terms of grooming, I prefer to grow a beard to look a bit older and rugged. I like having a mature older man look. Scented deodorant, cologne, tea tree oil shampoo, manscape your armpits and bush, refresh/clean your balls and change your underwear once a day (please, basic stuff).

In terms of finances, have your shit together, obviously. Personally, after emergency savings, retirement savings, vacation fund savings, etc., you should have at least $2,000 discretionary spending money. $500 is for your BS spending for that month, $500 is for gifts and stuff for other people, and $1,000 is for taking people out and socializing.

In terms of lifestyle, house > car. Don’t put a giant hole in your pocket or create big expense/loss potential by driving an $80,000+ car. There’s nothing wrong with a Jeep Rubicon or Grand Cherokee. Plus, you don’t come off like an insecure arrogant dick. Don’t go overboard with adventure. You work for a living, go to the gym, and from time to time, you enjoy your limited free time. So, maybe camping once or twice a year, dancing, hosting parties, etc.

In terms of intelligence, it is what it is. Don’t fake it one way or the other. If you could care less about culture, architecture, music, movies, art, science, economics, politics, social issues, etc., then embrace that and don’t pretend to care. If you are a nerd, then embrace that too and don’t actively try to hide your enthusiasm.

In terms of mental health and emotional/social intelligence, if you’re anxious, depressed, or have a more serious mental health issue, go to a psychiatrist, take your medication, and go to your therapist until you only have monthly maintenance. I go to my therapist once a month, even if it’s to talk about nothing.

Right off the bat, you have “REAL” non-fake confidence and security with yourself. When you’re in this place, trust me, there are no “nerves,” just maybe some minor “excitement” at the thought of initiating.

Step 2: no expectations. My most effortless and most effortlessly smooth approaches where: (a) when I was married and KNEW I would NOT be interested or allow myself in taking things past a certain point, and (b) when I was out with guys in college and just approaching girls simply so they could see it done live and in person and feel more comfortable doing it themselves (not to actually meet girls for myself).

Step 3: READ FOR SIGNS FIRST!!! I’m not at all a fan of the cold approach. I know a LOT of guys here are, and I know a few guys irl who are. My own father was a fan of the cold approach. My uncles were fans of the cold approach. I am not. Not saying it’s “wrong,” just saying that’s my opinion. I will never do a cold approach. I wait to get a read on women sitting by the bar (usually in a group of 2), and looking around bored, or down, and then shooting some quick glances over my way. If she does that once, I’ll notice her looking at me and deliberately look back. If she’s not interested, she won’t look back at me again. If she is interested, she’ll look back at me again to “assess the goods.” At this point, I’m doing the same thing. The second glance means nothing imo. Then, she’ll do a “I hope he comes over to talk to me” glance, and that’s when you have to at least smirk at her or give her prolonged eye contact to acknowledge that you’re going to go over and talk to her. In the alternative, some girls will just walk up to you (proximately close to you) and position themselves in such a way that it makes it easy (or necessary) for you to talk to them.

Or, some girls will strike up a conversation with you. Even when caught off guard, you have to be on full and high alert, have all your senses about you, and ask yourself this question, “If I was a 300lbs dude wearing a sailor moon t-shirt, would she be saying what she’s saying to me right now? Would she be interacting with me at all?” If the answer is, “No,” then you can safely assume she finds you attractive. This isn’t a, “Hey, does this train go to ___ Street?” type of interaction.

You need to develop your sense of feeling when a girl finds you SEXUALLY appealing and attractive. You are always broadcasting sex appeal, and women are picking up on it. Some will be interested in responding to it, others won’t be (for whatever reason, we don’t care why). You need to get a feel for when your masculine energy has made her shoulders, chest and lower lady bits tingle a bit, and when she’s subconsciously sending you signals she doesn’t intend to be broadcasting to you (or is even trying to make sure she doesn’t broadcast to you). On that note, learn to distinguish between genuine disinterest and “feigned” disinterest or efforts to disguise or hide her interest in you. Be like a tracker, learn to know when an animal has went into the water or grass to conceal its trail, but like an intelligence officer (if you’ve cracked the Enigma code, don’t act on ALL of the opportunities and let the other side know you’ve cracked Enigma ... they’ll just create a new code).

(Continued on second post bc of 10,000 word limit).

pnadlerlaw · 2019-07-15T17:32:55+00:00

(Continued ... Part 2 from prior post).

Step 4: I’ve always approach dating with an open hand. Fair, courteous, transparent and honest. It’s like an optimal opening chess move. She can try to take it back to being closed off, defensive, playing games, etc., but something about doing that won’t feel appropriate or right. I’ll say things like, “I hope you don’t hold it against me if I don’t believe in negging (or not texting you back the next morning),” or “Do you mind if I hit on you over at Starbucks? They have much better air conditioning.” I communicate (in a tasteful, slightly funny and sarcastic, but not explicitly sexual or even suggestive way) what my intent and interest is. In my experience, women feel a lot more comfortable talking with a man who doesn’t pretend to be an asexual Disney/Hallmark character, or hides his interest in being more than just friendly acquaintances. Also, make a joke over you taking the lead and hitting on her. Make a joke of the whole dating and flirting process. Use meta-humor and sarcasm, and let your subject and victim be (not you, not her), but the “process” in general. I find this works great, because, we’ve established that I’m hitting on you, I don’t feel uncomfortable about shamelessly hitting on you, you feel comfortable about me continuing to hit on you, and we establish that I’m not going to do all the things men and women “pretend” to be clueless and ignorant about, but secretly HATE about dating and flirting (so I’m poking fun at those things and implicitly communicating that I won’t be doing that to you). For me, it usually works very well.

I don’t play the role of the gentleman or person who is “courting.” But I do enjoy taking care of people (whether it’s a guy or girl, whether I’m flirting or not; I like being a great host). COURTESY. It’s okay to hold a purse 👜, it’s okay to pay for things, it’s okay to do a lot of things ... it’s not weakness, it’s not failing some kind of test ... when you’re doing it for the right reasons, with the right frame of mind, while playing open hand and being REASONABLY courteous. I have boundaries, but woman have rarely pushed them or even approached them. Think about it from her POV. Does she REALLY want to fuck this up? What’s her next best alternative? An “alpha” RP wannabe player or genuine jerk? A BP puppy of a man? What is her alternative if she takes a royal piss on this? Probably not better than this (we’re not talking about the quality of “you,” but the quality of the interpersonal relationship between a man and her as a woman).

Lead. My father would say, “Leading is the courtesy a man gives to a woman to absolve her of responsibility.” SOFT SELL, so softly, that you’re not even selling. Basically, lead, but not in a hurry, with pressure, or too fast. My uncle would say, “Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.” My negotiation professor in law school used to say, “Sometimes, you have to go slow to go fast.” Mark Twain said, “The longest road is the quickest way home.” Even before I was married, I enjoyed taking things slow, letting interest and comfort build, GIVING HER A CHANCE to want and think about more, and then slowly giving it to her, letting it build up, let her simmer in her juices, then raise the heat slowly again. The heat is always rising, we always getting closer and closer, but at an ALMOST frustratingly NOT FAST ENOUGH pace. I definitely enjoyed the process and journey more than the destination.

Step 5: transition. Think of a staircase. You don’t leap from the first step to the 20th step. You walk one step at a time. Sex is often a highly sensitive topic for most women. It’s the moment they feel they are “giving up” their power in the interaction. Cultivating and being aware of your own masculine energy and sexual power, and open hand, definitely help with this. First, she wants you just as much (if not more) than you want her. Secondly, you’re playing open hand. You’re moving forward, but honestly and openly. This puts her in a very difficult situation (eventually). She will either have to create some BS excuse and “lie” to you (i.e., violate the reciprocity of transparency and honesty), or, she will feel comfortable moving forward in the interaction. That’s the beauty of open hand (imo), it’s managing comfort as you allow her to go to the next step without her feeling guilty (and without perceiving you as a player).

“Sorry, what were you saying? I was looking at your legs. Those shoes look really good on you.”
“Were you trying to do the Legally Blonde bend and snap?”
“Can I say something with it coming off complain-y? I feel like you’re intentionally trying to distract me with the way you’re sitting right now.”
“I think you can tell a lot about how people are sexually based on how they dance.”

All these things start making her aware of herself, sexually ... start thinking about you thinking about her, sexually ... start thinking about you and her, sexually ... opening up the door to that kind of conversation (tastefully). She wants that door to be open. She just doesn’t want to be the one to open it ... and she also doesn’t want you to fucking fireman kick it open either.

In addition to words, don’t be afraid to touch. Don’t think about it too much. Remember, “a guilty mind needs no accuser.” If you’re afraid to touch someone you can feel is attracted to you, you are likely not being transparent, honest, courteous or fair with your intentions. Don’t attach too much importance to touch. Touch very very early on, and just treat it like non-sexual non-verbal communication. Touch doesn’t mean groping ass or boobs. There is nothing wrong or weird about touching someone’s hand, arm, back, waist, hips, neck, shoulders, or kissing them on both cheeks when you say goodbye or hello again.

FishscaleTiger · 2019-07-15T12:28:43+00:00

[permanently deleted]

asilentnoise88 · 2019-07-15T15:06:40+00:00

I will say... talking about fantasies turns me on. Or talking about potential role playing... even if you are just my horny teacher for a minute, it gets me going!

Title	What are your seduction methods?
Author	FishscaleTiger
Upvotes	4
Comments	14
Date	July 15, 2019 9:26 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/cdfatf/what_are_your_seduction_methods/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/what-are-your-seduction-methods.1473762 https://theredarchive.com/post/1473762

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