Alright so, where do I start? I need to get this off my chest.

I wanted to have sex with 3 different girls in a row. I guess I thought of it as an achievement and still do. Prior to this I had only had sex with a different girl in a row for 2 days, so I wanted to top that. My best friend told me that I have a "rookie number" and that I needed to get my "number up". So since i'm currently solo travelling through 11 different countries over a period of 4 months, thought this would be the best opportunity. It's currently 3 months in and I've had sex with 9 girls, averaging at 3 girls a month. I've only had sex with 22 girls and I'm 26, which I've been told is average for my age.

My bestfriend said he's had sex with close to a hundred girls, I just wanted to be more like him, make him proud and just be 'cool' I guess? So I had sex with a girl I wasn't attracted to and I felt disgust/regret immediately afterwards. I wasn't attracted to her, she was overweight and I couldn't see her neck. Immediately after sex she told me she wanted to stay over but I wanted her gone, so I faked an email from my Airbnb host saying he's seen me on CCTV with an unauthorised guest and that she needs to leave or else he'll contact Airbnb. I get that big girls need love too, but just not from me. I was way out of her league and I still chose to have sex with her despite having no attraction to her, just so I could achieve my stupid goal of fucking 3 girls in a row, I regret it now.

I'm currently seeing a nice girl back in Europe (non-exclusive currently) who could pass for an IG model, has a heart of gold and I chose to have sex with a whale, I'm fucking stupid. To make matters worse is I blew off a super hot girl on the same day because I thought it would be much more effort than the fat girl.

I don't think I'll stop finding it exciting to have sex with random women, but I've made a promise to myself not to lower my standards. I think I also need to stop associating the amount of women I've had sex with to my value as a male.