Whats wrong with me 29M?

4 points•22 comments•submitted 4 years ago by Lostmosutache to r/dating_advice

So I've been trying to get a girlfriend for years now and I'm feeling a little lost and discouraged with the whole thing. Im not sure where Im going wrong but I must be doing something wrong because with every girl I've gone out with - they've been attracted to me but then after a 2nd or 3rd date i usually get the "ill let you know.." which i guess is universal for rejection, that and a number of them continue to message me sometimes never mind they've come off not interested- i don't reply. and for some reason when I go out sometimes with these girls they either introduce me to their ex cause they're still friends or we bump into a hookup they had - this mostly may be due to living in a small town (300,000). this happens in every city with in the country i live in and part of me is starting to wonder if it's maybe the dating culture. Im not angry or bitter but I'd like some input or at least some people more experienced in this than I to weigh in

a bit about me

29M
Luxury store manager
Have a degree in design
above average height
athletic build
never had a girlfriend before
no girlfriend but good amount of sex in general
very direct and upfront, say what I want and what I'm looking for and what i will and won't do ( gym vs doing drugs and drinking for fun)

I have 2 good friends, Im damn good socially, confident, I don't push for sex (my preference) Im unsure on how to continue dating or even get a good start since everything seems to fizzle out.

The most recent thing to happen which has sparked this post:

Went out to town and ran into a girl that I met at a friends birthday, spent the night at her house but didn't have sex, which she was happy about. went on a date and everything seemed ok, even kissed. then went to her birthday party introduced me to her mom and family/friends, all loved me, HOWEVER - She had her ex-boyfriend there cause they're still friends so shoulder shrug on that one.

Went back to her place again and slept together no sex which she stated was still happy about. then she says as im leaving to text her when i get home and we can do something same day, so i go home shower, eat and clean a bit , all taking about 1hr and some and then text- she says she hadn't moved since i left and shell head over to her parents but asked if she could text me later to see if I'm free. i just replied all good but then she still text back "I'll text you ???" so I said yea text me with a kiss emoji.

she text later around 8 and says she had a busier than expected day and asked how mine was, had a chat then I said depending on her new job's first week schedule and how intense it gets ( Officer) if she wanted to go out again- she said "could be keen/interested, I'll let you know!" I've Immediately gone no contact as a precaution.

And thats where I'm at folks, completely at a lost to what I've done wrong or what possible could have been a misstep on my part. I have a few theories:

I made the fatal mistake of texting back to go out because i misunderstood her plans hence coming off needy
I didn't try to have sex with her on her birthday night and instead we made out a ton but she said thats what she prefers for now
She may feel we've seen too much of each other already with our date being on Thursday , Bday on Saturday sleeping over Sunday then asking her out for later in the week ?
She invited the ex-boyfriend to compare and has decided the grass isn't greener and will go back to him (they broke up 5 months ago) she says she wanted to hit on me when she first saw me but they were together.
I did tell her I liked but she said she liked me too and kept saying things like "I work around the corner from you, i could come have lunch with you!" or " we can gym together"
think's I'm a loser for whatever reason?
thinks my job is lame
doesn't like me or find me attractive as much as she said and I though and was just saying that
She DOES genuinely like me but seriously doesn't know what her week holds due to having to work from afternoon till midnight
she could sense I want a girlfriend and rather still being single after the last guy even though in my opinion i made no obvious reference to matching up or labels quickly
She DOES genuinely like me but seriously doesn't know what her week holds due to having to work from afternoon till midnight -This whole thing is me reading too much into it and it's in my head snd i should just sit and wait before i do something dumb
Just one in a line of bad timing/luck with the wrong girl for me, and not to give up

TLDR; thought a girl liked me and maybe still does, very unsure due to a enthusiastic "ill let you know" all online dating advice points to dead in the water- need rescue team/advice.

[–]GeeseCTM 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

I'm just taking a wild guess, I read your original post and so I'm just coming up with this on the fly so bear with me.

How is your douche factor versus real guy factor?

What I mean by that is, if you're tall, athletic, good-looking, successful, money and all that, if you are coming across a little too overconfident with women, cocky, borderline arrogant, self-assured, then they are only going to look at you as that guy that they want to have sex with but can't take seriously.

Women, in all their Wonder, have very gigantic egos. so if they think that they can have sex with you, but that you're just the type of guy who's going to have sex with a bunch of other girls and they can't keep you, then you automatically are dismissed as a keeper.

So I ask again, how is your douche factor, versus your real guy factor? Because if that's the problem, you need to dial down the confidence just a bit, and you need to share parts of yourself that are vulnerable and real with these women. don't do this in a b******* way either. Maybe you'll have to fake it till you make it, but maybe explore deeper parts of yourself other than, hey bro I have money and I go to the gym.

Nothing is inherently wrong with gym, tan, laundry, but at the end of the day, if you want girls to be sticky in your life, you have to have things in your personality that they can stick to.

[–]Lostmosutache[S] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]GeeseCTM 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

No, you don't go around talking about how your life is vulnerable I'm not telling you to turn into like an emo kid.

But at some point in an interaction You can let one fly.

Do this. Try it and see what happens. Report back. write down one thing you are passionate about and write down one thing that you may feel vulnerable about in your life.

Create a story about each in your life and write it down. After that, memorize it. At some point in an interaction with a girl, like these girls that you're going to have sex with or you did have sex with, drop one or both of those stories.. Ad something like, "What about you?" Once you're done.

So in other words you'll shift gears into real talk.

As far as dressing nice goes, I'm not sure if you are talking about way over-the-top difference between you and the people around you in an Oscar Wilde type sense, or if you're just dressed nice and not completely outside of what the norm is around you. But I can tell you from what I used to do cuz I used to dress really snazzy and cool. and I had to do a ton of work to get girls but I was always doing the work. Lately I've been wearing literally a hoodie, nothing special shorts or pants, I routinely wear sandals, brown leather but again nothing special, and many times a red Christmas beanie with white snowflakes on it and I have a big fluffy beard right now that is ridiculous and I swear to God girls start conversations with me left and right. These can be girls in their twenties or professional girls at a classy bar.

I do not look like I fit in anywhere but I look like I fit in everywhere if that makes any sense. I do not look threatening or over-the-top cool, I guess I look completely approachable.

However, what you wear may or may not actually be the issue so I wouldn't put too much emphasis on that.

If you have any questions about all this, or want to explore more what could be the issue and maybe overcome and fix it (assuming what I gave you above doesn't actually work or you want to explore specifics on how to make it work better) then hit me up by private message and maybe we can work out some sort of coaching thingamajig since that's what I do. I'm not really sure what I do different than most of these coaches out there, but most of the guys that I end up coaching end up with long-term relationships, girlfriends or even marriage, so I consider it sort of a specialty despite the fact that I don't really know how I do it but I think that's the benefit of custom tailoring coaching to everyone in a specific way as opposed to a one-size-fits-all approach.

Good luck though.

Title	Whats wrong with me 29M?
Author	Lostmosutache
Upvotes	2
Comments	3
Date	October 8, 2019 10:15 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/dexz8q/whats_wrong_with_me_29m/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/whats-wrong-with-me-29m.1480682 https://theredarchive.com/post/1480682

Comments