I [M21] am in a medium sized college (about 12k students) and I haven't had many women in my life. Currently I don't have a large friend group, but I am looking to change that. I've been watching/reading a lot of advice here/from Todd Valentine and I think I'm ready to approach. I'm new to writing FRs (and seduction in general) so I'd appreciate any advice.

This morning I approached a girl in the school dining hall. I asked if I could sit with her, then introduced myself to her. I asked her about where she just came from, where she was headed. We talked about interests, our majors, etc. I teased her a few times about what she said, but I didn't notice any overt signs of IOIs (I noticed she did stay after she had finished eating, as opposed to leaving immediately). At one point during our conversation she mentioned she wasn't a morning person, so maybe that was part of it, but I feel as though I could have done a bit of a better job carrying the conversation. There was a bit of a lull in conversation, but it was a short one. We walked out the building and then parted ways.

I didn't close her for a few reasons, the biggest one being that I felt I hadn't established enough rapport. I noticed she did laugh at a few of my jokes, but I didn't seem to get/pick up on a lot of IOIs. Admittedly a big reason I didn't close was also fear.

The Good

  • First off, approaching in the first place was a good start. I have a mild amount of approach anxiety, so any opportunity to overcome it is a good one

  • My demeanor - this is a bit of a double edged sword. I come across as friendly, and I'm capable of carrying a conversation/being a bit charming.

  • Teasing/flirting - This is something I'm working on, but the fact that I was able to tease her about a few things in our conversation was good. I think I need to amp it up a bit, but for a beginner, I think I'm on the right track

The Bad

  • My mindset going in - A problem I have is self-worth/value. I went into the interaction hoping she'd like me as opposed to "I hope I like her." In addition, because I don't approach a lot of women/have a lot of women in my life, I am coming from a scarcity mindset. I think I may have even conveyed some of the nervousness I felt given that I don't do this often. A big thing I need to work on is changing that mindset, recognizing that I am a high value guy and acting as such.

  • Not establishing premise - Todd Valentine talks a lot about how showing intent is an issue, that you risk giving away too much power if you are overt about this. It's a concept I struggle with, and in this case, I didn't establish premise/intent. I was/am nervous about this. I realize now, looking back, I didn't necessarily need to lead with a statement of intent, but at least during the conversation I should have established that I was having a man-to-woman interaction, rather than a "10 minute conversation to nowhere."

  • Eye contact - I think this is a big one too, I was nervous and didn't hold eye contact.

  • Not asking her about her - I'm not sure I should even have this on the list, but I believe I talked more about myself than she did about herself. It wasn't a massive disparity, maybe 60-40, but because I didn't know what to say, I think I ended up leading the conversation.

  • Being too reactive(?) - I think in general I rely a lot upon the interactions of those whom I speak to in order to make my next move. This reactivity may have contributed to why I didn't ask her out/didn't escalate in terms of flirting.

Overview

For a first approach, I don't think this went badly, but there are a lot of things to work on for me. I also recognize that I'm working with a very small sample size, however, and I need to do more approaches before I can actively pinpoint areas to focus on.

I think a big thing that may be holding me back is the idea of reputation. I understand that reputation is key on a college campus, but I think I'm too scared of being labelled as creepy or potentially as a player in order to act.

I am open to any questions/comments. Thank you for taking the time to read this.