Please View, all help appreciated

dr_dreadlifts · 2015-05-14T14:35:24+00:00

Start lifting, because you obviously don't.

It's hard not to feel confident when you are physically more imposing than the people around you.

Now, on your friends/gaining confidence/ect...

Don't worry about engaging people or the conversation flow, that's not your job. Worry about self engagement.

If you want something to think on or worry about, worry about if you wasted too much time on others or through procrastinating tasks that should have been done sooner. It's not your job to engage and entertain people. If your friends come at you with these expectations, let them know you aren't there for their amusement, and not only that, but you really could care less about their trivial problems.

It sounds like you could also use some time away from your friends. Start cutting the number of activities you do with them in half and take that time to do things for yourself, or to socialize in places by yourself you normally wouldn't.

As always, go forth, and do more deadlifts.

favours_of_the_moon · 2015-05-14T14:48:03+00:00

1: Kamikaze night.

2: Read Kierkegaard.

3: Nourish blood and heart yin, downbear qi.

http://www.amazon.com/Shen-Xin-Wan-Plum-Flower/dp/B004ZH5UQI/ref=sr_1_1?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1431614858&sr=1-1&keywords=an+shen+bu+xin+wan

IVIaskerade · 2015-05-14T16:22:39+00:00

You talk too much. That's ok, everyone does when they start out. However, it's bleeding through into your writing as well. Try spacing things out a bit more, using more and more varied punctuation, and typing slower. Re-read it when you're done and see if you want to make any changes before you post it (if you don't have RES then I recommend getting it).

This post is going to include a lot of repetitions of a certain phrase. That phrase is one of the first steps toward a more aloof attitude.

They stress about every little thing that comes up and tends to run to me and put this on my plate

They only do this if you let them. The next time, say "look, I appreciate that you view me as a figure of support, but I won't always be here and you have to deal with this on your own." Keep a neutral tone and do not back down. If they stress out, so what? It's not your problem.

and am finding it hard to gain the confidence to walk up and talk to random people

Yeah, this one only goes away with practice. It's a trial by fire thing, but there's no way to deal with it besides gritting your teeth and doing it. Besides, so what if it goes badly? At worst, they ignore you and move on. You lose nothing of any value.

Im worried that I’ll slur my words or stutter in effect making myself not look confident

Everyone has some verbal tics or unusual sounds when they talk. For example, I pronounce my "s"es with a whilstling sound where my tongue doesn't make a seal with the roof of my mouth. I accept that this is part of my speech and don't let it bother me. Stutters, slurs, whatever, there are two ways to deal with it:

Speak slower. Take time to think about your words, choose the right one, and say it. Don't rush - what you have to say is important enough for them to spend the time listening to (by that same token, make sure it actually is important enough for them to listen to). A reasonably slow speech patter gives the weight of authority to your voice.
Don't worry about making the mistakes, it's how you recover from them that matters. People will only be annoyed at these things if you allow it to throw you and cannot continue properly afterwards.

I’m worried they will look at me weird and walk away

So what if they do? How will that affect you in the long run? What have you lost except a conversation that wasn't going anywhere, whilst gaining all sorts of knowledge for use both in future interactions with that person and in other interactions generally.

I'm also worried I won’t be able to maintain a consistent good flow of conversation due to this

Again, speaking slower will help. Not only will you fill more time with the same amount of content, but it gives you time to think about where you want to steer the conversation next. So what if you can't maintain a flow of conversation? Less is more - let the other person speak and force them to scrabble for topics.

the idea of awkward silences scare me

As with approaching, there is no easy way to deal with this. The next time it happens, just accept the awkwardness and force the other person to break the silence first. Also, so what if there is an awkward silence? Is it really such a big deal that it will ruin your day, or will you not even remember it when the conversation is over.

And finally, addressing your title. Don't do that. Begging is not becoming of anyone. Instead, lay out your problem in the title so people can immediately decide whether they are qualified to answer. It also makes people more likely to check your post anyway, since it lets them know that you know what the problem is. Of course any help is appreciated, you're posting it to an advice subreddit. Of course you want people to view it, but stating that in the title comes off as needy and turns people away.

So to sum up:

Use better titles
Speak slower
Be firm and assertive with your friend
Approach people despite nervousness
Let the silences happen
So what?

Title	Please View, all help appreciated
Author	Jasperj24
Upvotes	3
Comments	3
Date	May 14, 2015 1:19 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/35xyf6/please_view_all_help_appreciated/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/please-view-all-help-appreciated.148970 https://theredarchive.com/post/148970

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