This may not be super tactical for newer guys, but still some concepts to be aware of imo.

I’ve been travelling the last few years focused primarily on business and dating. I spend anywhere from 1-3 months in a city, hit it hard with work and dating and then move onto the next (solo or with friends that have similar lifestyles).

In every new place after about 2 weeks of approaching/dating etc. I hit a low point in energy and attitude.

Regardless of my results. I’ll almost always have a girl within the first week of arriving, and a small rotation of girls i like within 4-5 weeks. But even getting there rarely makes me feel ‘happy and fulfilled’ as I always thought it would.

I call this period the doldrums of active dating, and I think a few really important concepts can be learned from it.

Firstly, this is if you are approaching a fair amount of girls and more importantly doing it WELL.

Then you should be sharing apart of yourself, your emotions etc. in each of those interactions. You invest in seeing them through (if you like the girl that is). This is beautiful and of course is what ‘game’ should really be all about.

The problem arises after a few weeks of doing this, and maybe not having really met an amazing girl that it works out with. I always find myself experiencing ‘emotional fatigue’ and have a harder time approaching girls.

You’ll probably get laid statistically, but it maybe isn’t with a girl that inspires you or ignites that internal fire (that for me makes life so much more vibrant and amazing)

That’s where the self judgement comes in. Beating yourself up for not approaching that hot girl that walked by. And on and on…

What amazes me is how tired i can feel about game even when I’m actually dating and getting laid. It’s a pretty remarkable thing to show up in a new city and within a week be dating multiple girls, so what makes us feel so drained and pessimistic about meeting more girls?

Firstly, i think it’s just emotionally taxing to invest in these seductions/meetups and have such a high percentage of girls flaking. Welcome to the game right?

Secondly, I think for many guys, when they first start meeting and interacting with a lot of girls they start to become more disenchanted with women in general. We often project amazing lives/values onto beautiful girls that walk past when the reality is often far darker for them. Man or women there are a lot of shitty people in this world. So I do think there can be a aspect some negative feelings that stem from just interacting with more girls that aren’t great people.

So how do we get through this part to the promised land of pussy and love and fulfillment?

My answer has been to:

  1. Take the pressure off. You don’t HAVE to approach every hot girl you see, it’s fine to enjoy your damn coffee and life for an afternoon watching the beauties stroll by. Urgency is great for inducing action, but it doesn’t have to be your whole life day in and day out.
  2. Remain continuously fascinated by the process of dating, enjoy the interactions you do have and savor the small moments. Its not a failure if you don’t fuck on the first date, it’s not even a failure if you don’t see her again. If you truly love yourself this is a much easier concept to pull off.

Anyways just some notes from the field gentlemen, curious to hear what you think and if you experience similar periods during your active dating lives.

Cheers!

Ethan @ selfreliantman