Momentum is the closest thing to a cheat code that exists for attracting women.

You can think of social momentum as a bar that slowly fills up each time you approach a girl. As you gain momentum, you will feel increasingly confident. If you build enough social momentum, you will become completely fearless.

Every time you see an attractive girl, and you do approach her, it will be significantly easier to approach the next attractive woman you see.

Because of this, momentum is incredibly powerful. If you approach several women back-to-back in a single day, your approach anxiety will vanish and your entire demeanor will radiate confidence.

There are two types of momentum: macro and micro.

  • Micro momentum is built within a single day out approaching women.

  • Macro momentum is built up over the course of days and weeks.

If you go out every day for a week, you will have a lot of macro momentum working in your favor on the seventh day.

At the same time, if you don’t go out for a month, you’ll have lost your momentum you had and you’ll have to start from scratch.

Without any social momentum, approaching a girl is nerve-wracking for most guys.

And those nerves are going to affect your nonverbal communication: your vocal tonality will be weaker, your eye-contact will be less steady , and your body language will be a bit stiff.

However, once you build some momentum, your nonverbal communication will completely change.

Your first approach might be fairly awkward, but on your third approach you’ll be much more confident, and by your 10th approach, you will feel unstoppable.

This feeling of increased confidence will make it easier to think of witty things to say on your feet, your eye contact will naturally become stronger, your tonality will become more assertive, and even your body language will exude masculine energy.

If you change how you feel internally, you will automatically change how you express yourself externally, too. This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t consciously practice improving your eye contact or your vocal tonality – doing so absolutely can be helpful.

However, building social momentum will improve your nonverbal communication without requiring any conscious effort.

Through thousands of hours of experimentation, I have discovered three key rules you can follow to consistently build social momentum.

Follow these rules and total self-confidence will become a state you can summon whenever you want it.

 

Rule 1: Act More, Think Less

 

Social momentum is a state in which your excuses and fears no longer have power over you.

To enter this state, you must take so much action that your mind (specifically, your ego) can’t keep up - and it stops trying to control you.

If I approach a girl, but 30 seconds later she leaves to “go find her friends,” I don’t stand around and think about why I got rejected, doing that would only lead to stress and frustration.

Instead, I quickly move from one interaction to another to prevent myself from overthinking. The less time I spend between approaches, the more quickly I build social momentum

To make this practical, you can start mentally counting up after you end an interaction with a girl.

As you count [1,2,3,4,etc.] you’ll feel a mounting pressure to approach another girl. This will help prevent you from wasting too much time between interactions.

As a rule of thumb, you should aim to spend about 80% of your time in a club (or in daygame) interacting with women.

If you’re spending most of your time standing around observing the environment or looking for the best girl to approach, you’re not going to build social momentum, and you’re going to miss countless opportunities with beautiful women.

 

Approach All

 

I often approach women who I’m not particularly attracted to. If I spend too much time looking for a girl who’s ‘hot enough’ to approach, I’m inviting myself to start making excuses.

You can have fun and be social with anyone, not just beautiful women. Every time you have fun with a girl you not attracted to, you get yourself into a more confident, carefree mood.

Then, when you approach a girl who you think is stunning, you’ll be able to effortlessly attract her.

Furthermore, if you’re only approaching women you want to sleep with, that can reinforce a mindset that you’re only talking to girls who you want to ‘get’ sex from.

This mindset is inherently unattractive because it’s about taking value from women. By approaching everyone and having fun with them, you’re approaching to offer value – which is far more attractive.

To be clear, spending more than a few minutes talking to a girl you’re not attracted to would be inefficient (plus, after a certain point, she'd feel like you're leading her on). You should only stay in an interaction for a long period of time if you want to bring the girl home with you - time is your most valuable resource.

As a general rule, when you’re out, the more time you spend interacting with women, the less your ego will get in your way.

I’m not advocating that you aggressively hit on every woman you see. Instead, I’m suggesting that you simply socialize with as many people as possible.

By doing so, you’ll get yourself into a state of social momentum in which you’ll be able to effortlessly approach and attract beautiful women. (here's an infield example in which a man builds momentum by approaching all: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OhmTUyDZc6M)

 

Rule 2: Push Each Interaction Further Than The Last

 

To start building positive momentum, take a small social risk that won’t overwhelm you. This will get the ball rolling so that you’ll feel confident enough to take a slightly larger risk. Continue this pattern until you eventually feel unstoppable.

Here’s a list of increasingly challenging actions you can take to build momentum:

  • Give a girl a compliment as you walk by (without starting a real conversation)
  • Give a girl a compliment and continue the conversation for at least 30 seconds.
  • Touch a girl on the shoulder.
  • Invite a girl to dance with you.
  • Ask a girl for her phone number.
  • Ask a girl to move to another area of the club with you.
  • Ask a girl to grab some food with you.
  • Invite a girl to get a drink back at your place.

Your first approach on any given day might be fairly stilted. That’s okay, you shouldn’t expect your first approach to be perfect. But push your next approach a bit further than the first, try to stay in the conversation for a couple minutes instead of just 30 seconds.

Take each approach you do a step further than the last one. Make a point to be more physical, to hold stronger eye contact, to lead more, and to start asking for girls’ numbers.

Each time you take a social risk, and nothing bad happens, you will be a slightly more comfortable with taking social risks.

If you use that feeling to push your next interaction a bit further than the last, this will snowball until you can effortlessly make bold moves that would have previously seemed impossible.

When I enter a club I’m usually in a logical, non-social state, but by following the above process, I enter a state of incredible confidence within 30 minutes.

Your process for pushing each interaction further than the last may differ from mine, experiment with different strategies and discover what works best for you.

Regardless of your exact process, the underlying principle for this rule is that you shouldn’t expect too much of yourself at the beginning of a night (or day) out – your first approaches aren’t likely to lead to anything sexual (although, if a girl seems to like you, don't hold yourself back).

However, as you approach more women, your confidence will rapidly increase. And as you feel increasingly self-confident, you’ll be able to push your interactions progressively further.

 

Rule 3: Embrace Rejection

 

The only way to avoid rejection is to stay at home and watch porn.

Rejection is an unavoidable part of the game: the way you respond to it is going to determine the results you get. I’ve been rejected a lot, probably thousands of times. And that’s okay – by going through those rejections I was also able to date some incredible women.

Furthermore, each rejection made me fear future rejections a little bit less. The root of self-confidence is being comfortable with the possibility of failure.

That’s why the third key to building social momentum is to embrace rejection.

Let’s say you approach a girl and after a couple minutes talking with you, she says, “It was nice meeting you, but I have to go.”

You might start thinking:

  • “My game sucks.”
    • “That was a shitty approach.”
    • “Why was I so cringey?”
    • “The girls here are bitches.” These kind of thoughts mean you’re punishing yourself for approaching. You’re telling yourself that approaching leads to a negative result and that if you do more approaches, you’re going to get more negative results.

If you start to feel approaching women is a bad thing—that you don’t gain anything from it—it’s going to be exceedingly difficult to get into a fun, lighthearted mood when you’re out.

Instead of punishing yourself for approaching, reward yourself for approaching. After you approach a girl, you can literally tell yourself, “That was ten out of ten because I took action. ” Similarly, you can take a moment to ask yourself, “What was one good thing about that interaction?”

Your answer may be that she smiled or that you said something clever or that you held strong eye contact, or your answer may be simply the fact that you put yourself out there.

At first, reframing your interactions as positive might feel a bit false, but over time, it will help reshape your narrative of what rejection means. Instead of deflating you, rejection will invigorate you.

 

Momentum Is A Tool, Not A Requirement

 

As powerful as social momentum is, never think of it as something you need to get a girl. If you’re interacting with a beautiful woman and it’s going well, you shouldn’t be thinking, “I would invite her back home with me, but I don’t have enough social momentum, so I’ll go approach another girl instead.”

Momentum can improve your mood, but you don’t need to feel a certain way to take action. I’ve hooked up with women when I was in a terrible mood more than a few times.

So, push each interaction further than the last, minimize the time between interactions, and embrace rejection. But don’t tell yourself things like, “Well, this is my second approach so I shouldn’t be going for her number yet.”

Your initial interactions will help you ‘warm up’ but looking at them as only being warm ups would be a mistake: if you have chemistry with the first girl you approach, there’s no reason you can’t pull her or get her number even if you have no social momentum.

 

The Power Of Momentum

 

If you master the process for building social momentum you just learned, not only will you get dramatically better results from game, you will also have a lot more fun while you’re out meeting women.

And that’s important, because ultimately, as enjoyable as it is to sleep with a beautiful woman, it wouldn’t be worth the effort if the entire process getting there felt like a chore.

When you learn how to build social momentum, game won’t feel like something you have to do, it will become enjoyable for its own sake, regardless of what kind of external results you get.

Some of my best days and nights out didn’t end with myself pulling a hot girl, I just got into a such a positive state that being out and socializing was a peak experience.

When you implement the three steps for building social momentum, your days or nights will not only help you achieve your measurable goals, but the subjective experience of meeting women will be its own reward.

If you liked this article, you can find more of my content (including infield footage of myself approaching women) on: YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4kTcVi-b_9qQnMCRG9WggA