I have been reading the side bar about shit tests etc. Also frame. A lot of it has to do with starting off a conversation or being in a bar or in a str type situation. I am looking for ways to start doing it in a marriage. Where can I find the reading?

Also basic question- I am used to the nuclear option from my past. I get that way when I am truly fed up. But I need advice on specifically what to do with the "you're being different" and " you've never done X before, whats different, whats wrong etc"