So, to start this post off this is in no way meant to compare women to dogs, me being a straight man naturally my experience with these concepts are from a male-pursuing-female perspective but I believe them to be true for any gender or sexuality in the dating pool.

The following concepts I am going to outline are the similarities I've noticed between the dogs I've trained and human psychology (something discussed often in many circles), and how I believe these concepts can apply to understanding dating better.

First let's start with how dogs think. There's a few guiding principles that govern how dogs operate that seem to be simplistic versions of how humans operate. Dogs are opportunist animals, who take the path of least resistance to the most rewarding outcome, and they're driven by their desire to release dopamine (happy chemical) in their brains. Dogs don't actually interpret "commands" as orders or requests for behavior, but rather opportunity timeframes wherein, if they do what's asked, they're eligible for an expected outcome. It's important to note that dogs are pattern learners and humans are conceptual learners, so any comparisons between dogs and humans begin to break down once higher conceptual learning theory is applied as dogs don't learn that way.

Humans are also opportunist animals, who will take the path of least resistance to the most rewarding outcome, and they're also driven by a desire to release dopamine. Why do people cheat? Opportunity+dopamine withdrawal. Breaking such a heartbreaking act down to something so simple is in no way meant to justify it however. Thinking with opportunities, the solution to the "cheating" problem is of course, to always be supporting your partner and making them happy the best you can. The best opportunities for happiness should be through you, through boosting your own value, not limiting your partner's opportunities.

Now, where does this apply to initial attraction? Well the key is once again, the onset and offset of opportunities. Live your own amazing life, and people will see what a great opportunity it is to be around you. If someone treats you with disrespect, you MUST limit their access to those opportunities. So, I'm 100% for open honest communication, but if your partner is blatantly disrespecting you, give them the cold shoulder & ignore. Show them what behavior results in your attention, and what behavior results in your disengagement, and you'll see people trend towards the more rewarding outcome. This can be done very subtly, say you're offended by a sly remark someone makes, simply disengage a little bit from them specifically, change up your demeanor to be slightly less fun as a consequence. Let them realize the situation has dropped in fun levels, and then reward them with some good times and good conversation for being respectful and nice immediately afterward. The more "instant" the expiration of fun and attention the more likely the person you're talking to will realize what they said or did was not conducive to a good time, or may have even offended you, and in order to avoid that awkward situation again, they'll police themselves better, and treat you better as a result (and have more respect for you)

Probably the most important aspect of managing the onset/offset of fun opportunities in your social situations is establishing that you are not just a free, infinite source. What many guys claim is being disrespected because they're too nice, is actually just being a 100% opportunity onset source, which is free and guaranteed no matter what. This allows the person to "savings account" you because you're low maintenance, and a sure bet for positive interaction. In dog training, I compare this to "free feeding", aka allowing kibble to be out 24/7. The dog in this instance learns the value of kibble is low, and it's often quite difficult to actually reward these dogs as they begin to expect better and better rewards, because they have the option to choose not to work for their food and get it anyways. As humans we can often fall into the trap of lowering our own value, and being too available with desperate attempts to heighten our value temporarily to achieve an end.

Humans, like dogs, when asked to do something they will evaluate their options and opportunities. Say you say "here cujo!" To your dog, who is sniffing some bird poop, and your dog has never actually been rewarded for recalling. Your dog will weigh the opportunity to come to you (which is work) and get nothing vs the opportunity to sniff dog pop, and the dog's choice is usually fairly clear. The dog, like many humans, will default to the most rewarding "thing". How can this apply to dating? Well say you ask your girlfriend to cook dinner, and she's never been thanked for it, never gotten a nice massage, nothing. But, it's also her best friend's birthday and they're going out to the bar. Which would she rather do? Probably not hang out with you. To keep in line with the dog/human comparisons, this is around when (very wrong) men might use force or coercion to limit their girlfriends opportunities, or "negatively reinforce" listening, and in dog world this is what electric collars are used for. It's side effects in dog training include rejection of training, accidental fear responses, direct negative associations, anxiety, etc, and these side effects exist within humans as well when the threat of punishment (social, physical or emotional) is used to "force" behavior and is thus not a very wise method to achieve success or happiness.

One last note I want to touch on, so that some of the men in here can be aware of it. Social pressure is an aversive (bad) way to get what you want. In dog training, leaning over the dog, eye contact, projecting expectations, etc can sometimes result in the dog doing the command in that moment. The dog felt pressured, and seeked to "turn off" that social pressure by complying with the obedience command. This is why many dogs don't listen as well from far away, because the effects of social pressure diminish at a distance. In human terms, not only is using social pressure that a girl must "turn off" by sleeping with you pretty immoral, but the further away from you she is, the less likely she is to be loyal (if she's now your girlfriend) because if you "rule" in your relationship through social influence, your influence wanes quite literally the further away you are.

I hope you guys find my observations interesting, and you seek to be the person your dog thinks you are. Have respect for yourself, treat people well, enjoy your life! The rest will fall into place.