Edit: wall of text. You were warned.

Edit 2: thanks for the replies. Going full monk. I'll be back, as a contributer to this amazing space.

I had spent everyday talking to her for at least an hour over the phone. For five. Fucking. Years. Yeah, I know. Intense beta.

I would give her a lot of advice, validation and nearly never ending attention. Two years in I tell her I like her. She doesn't feel the same way. We remain friends. From that point forward she had lost respect for me and would, as I realize now, mess with my head. I would tell her my problems (I had severe social anxiety from a fucked up childhood and I'm working on it now like a mother fucker) and sometimes she would flat out tell me to stop.

Three years in I come to the realization I have break it off with her for myself. I tell her as much and she says OK in a weird way and I tell her that of she ever really needs someone to talk to I'm their for her but for now I need space apart. And it worked! I was free! This lasted one week. She called me and my heart sank. But I picked up the phone and it stayed all over again.

About a year after that I started to suspect she was having sex while on the phone with me. Often. And in the beginning of January I confirmed it with a conversation recorder (I was incredibly obsessed.... looking back I was in a dangerous place mentally). I didn't sleep that night. She calls me the next day and I picked up because I hadn't decided on what I'd do next. She noticed I was different, said I was distant. The next day is last day I spoke to her.

She tried to get ahold of me directly and indirectly for over a month. I was so attached to this women I couldn't block her on Facebook. She ended up blocking me. I started working on myself in small ways. My confidence while not where I want it to be is better than it had been my whole life. Two months ago she unblocked me. I laughed and instantly blocked her.

I want to break this woman. I want to ruin any chance at happiness this bitch had got. Ideally I want get so mentally fucked she can't even function. That's where I was headed and it was obvious and she didn't care. Do now my plan is to get ripped and alpha the fuck Up. Not sure if it will be enough but I'm gonna give it everything I got.

I can't think clearly about this. Thinking about it makes me enraged. So I ask you: is it worth it?